My Love for His Quirks
by LitaE
Summary: JD finds himself in the centre of an emotional and confusing love triangle. Torn between his secret lover Perry, who abuses him and the arrogant but surprisingly comforting Todd, JD must work out his feelings. JD/Cox, JD/Todd Slash Angst and Abuse.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** As usual I own none of the people, places and things associated with Scrubs. You all know that :P

* * *

**Chapter 1**

The roof of Sacred Heart hospital was a place so out in the open. Yet the acts being committed at that moment were ones that had been kept locked away in secret. Once again, Dr Perry Cox and Dr John Dorian were on that roof, continuing an affair that had both comforted and plagued them for months.

Kisses so passionate they could set the ocean on fire. Hands finding their way beneath clothing to explore. Temperatures rising so high, that both men wanted to strip down to nothing but their pure emotions. Moans of pleasure so deep that they were sure someone heard it. As the sun shined on both of them, Perry Cox couldn't help but think of the irony, knowing that his feelings for JD should never see the true light of day.

"Perry. Perry. Perry." JD whispered with love and affection in his voice, snuggling up closer to his lover with his eyes shut in bliss.

Perry sighed in contemplation. For years he had thought about the man in his arms, buried in his chest. He had dreamed of loving JD for years and yet he hated it when JD spoke his name that way. Perry didn't believe he deserved it, no matter how much he craved it. A part of him wanted to squeeze the young doctor back, but the opposition told him to push away like always. Naturally the negative reaction won out.

"JD please, I don't want to be touched right now." Perry eased JD off him before turning away. He could never look JD in the eyes after their pleasure, knowing that he had broken the promise to himself again.

JD, just like the times before, didn't get the message and hugged Perry once again. "Come on, I want to hold you. You don't know how crazy it makes me, knowing that once we leave this roof you're with someone else."

"JD, I'm warning you." Perry looked as his non phased companion. His mind was still debating what to do. He hoped JD would make the decision easy and just back off.

"Come on Perry." JD looked into his eyes, pleading with him. "We've been waiting years for this. I loved it when you held me before. Please."

Perry hated the control that those big blue eyes held over him. He hated even more that JD was starting to learn it was his weakness. The thought of being conquered by love sent Perry's mind into a fit. JD had taken Perry's arm and slid it around his shoulders, holding his hand to keep the arm around his frame. For a second Perry let himself enjoy his fingers intertwining with JD's, before snapping back.

"Get off, will you!" Perry shoved him, harder than intended. JD fell back on the ground. Perry felt the guilt rising in his stomach but he convinced himself it was for the best.

"I'm sorry. Sometimes I just…" JD wanted to complete his sentence, but he felt too hurt. Despite knowing that Perry wasn't going to open up any time soon, JD always held out the hope that he would.

Perry stood over him, staring down his weakness and feeling a sense of control. "Listen here. I may be your sex buddy, part time lover or whatever you want to call me but one thing I'm sure as heck not is your boyfriend. I'm with Jordan and we have two kids and no matter my feelings for you, I'm not leaving her. You see my feelings for you are let out in secret and nobody can ever know. You agreed with me on this. After we do our thing, however far that may go, I DO NOT want to cuddle and I DO NOT want to compromise that because you can't keep your girly little hands away. Clear?"

JD directed his answer to the ground. "Okay."

Perry touched his nose and folded his arms. He knew he had hurt JD, but he just couldn't allow the younger man to fall in love with him. It helped him not to fall in completely in love with JD as well. Their feelings becoming public would send things spiralling out of control and Perry was smart enough to know that. He needed that control, even if he had to hurt JD to keep it. Even if he had to hurt himself to keep it.

Staring at JD, still on the ground, Perry leaned down to help him up but at the last second decided against it. Before the guilt could get the better of him he walked away. In his mind he only hurt JD to save them both. JD deserved better than someone who couldn't commit to him completely.

JD finally stood up, brushing off Perry's reaction like he had always done. Mentally slapping himself for being so stupid he walked towards the edge of the roof and stared at the view. "I should understand that he needs to sort things out. I know he loves me and he just can't show it. After all, it took years to get that first kiss, so I shouldn't ruin it now. As god as my witness, I will not sabotage this relationship." The words sounded so pointless as no-one was around to hear them.

Turning back towards the roof stairs, JD straightened himself up. He confidently strode towards the door, composure regained. Just before he reached the door, Todd stepped out wearing nothing but a banana hammock, lathering lotion on himself.

"Hey JD, great sun we're having today." Todd squinted at the bright light. "Want to join me?"

Smiling as politely as possible, JD replied. "Maybe some other time, Todd."

"Later five!" Todd held up his hand, making sure that JD was making him a promise.

Begrudgingly, JD held up his hand and allowed Todd to give it a firm slap. "I'll see you."

JD shook his head as he walked down the stairs, although half way down he turned back. Through the slightly open door he could see Todd flexing. The confidence, the openness and the way he just didn't care made JD think. Allowing his mind to drift back to the amazing moments Perry and he had shared, he wondered what it would be like if they were that carefree. Then realising he was still eyeing The Todd, JD resumed walking down the stairs, wishing that Perry was as open.

* * *

To let off some steam after his shift Perry decided to hit the gym. Not only to release his emotions in a work out, but because he knew it was the one place in the hospital JD wouldn't be venturing should he decide to hang around.

Ignoring the usual bunch of scalpel jocks that usually took up the gym, Perry jumped on a treadmill and started running. As he kept his steady pace, he allowed his mind to wander. Fantasising about actually running away from everything making him crazy, JD being number one.

Determined to succeed in pushing the younger doctor from his mind, Perry upped the speed on the treadmill. No matter how fast he ran, JD kept popping up into his mind. The smooth skin on his face, big blue eyes and the geeky but adorable smile. Remembering the way his hands felt and the way his mouth moved. Everything that made up JD. Everything that caused Perry to go over the line and kiss him that fateful night. All the things that kept him going back, despite promising himself he would end it.

Realising his treadmill was slowing down, Perry shut his eyes. He kept going along with the cool down. The endorphins kept his mind firmly on the pleasure he had experienced that afternoon. JD would have left the hospital by that point, but Perry wanted him. He shook it off and watched the timer on the machine count down. He stared at it with intent until the treadmill stopped and he stood in place panting. JD still having the success of invading his thoughts.

"Dude, check out Cox's boner." Todd cried out so the few in the gym could hear.

Blind with fury, Perry stepped off the treadmill. He didn't dare look down. He blamed JD for this happening, but decided to take it out on Todd. Stepping towards the surgeon he punched him right in the face.

"Anybody else?" Perry asked. He noticed some of them leaving, others pretending they didn't see and of course Todd at his feet.

"Uncool!" Todd pointed at Perry before heading off towards the bathroom.

As his workout went on, his anger only rose. As he pumped the iron, JD continued to drive him crazy. Seeing he was now alone in the gym, he let out a frustrated cry. There was only one thing he could think of to wipe the memories away, if only temporarily.

After driving home as fast as he could, he practically sprinted to his apartment door. Throwing the door open he was glad to see Jordan sitting alone on the couch. It meant that Jack and Jennifer Dylan were asleep. He looked at her, admiring every part of her. Convinced that it was Jordan turning him on, he gave a slight grin.

"Oh god, are you really that desperate." Jordan recognised the look on Perry's face. "First of all tell your pants it's rude to point."

Joining his ex-wife on the couch, Perry proceeded in kissing her passionately. "Jordan Jordan Jordan." He said he name over and over, cementing it in his mind.

"What did I tell you about kissing?" Jordan pushed him back. Perry focused his gaze on her as he pinned her down and removed her clothes.

Perry ripped off his pants in desperation. "I'm going to rock your world." It was the first successful time all day that Perry hadn't thought about JD. He was with Jordan. He was in control. Everything was as it should be.

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**NOTE: **Okay, so there you have it. The first chapter in a series of many. I'm already a few chapters ahead due to WKMS, so you can expect the next instalment up soon enough. I hope you like it and if so tell me, reviews equal encouragement and help make things better. That's pretty much it for now. Thanks for reading :-) Oh yeah and I should say that this is probably going to be bumped up to an M rating in a few chaps.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

JD had the day off but he decided to come in to Sacred Heart anyway. He just wanted to see Perry for a little while before going off and doing his thing. Trying to go unnoticed so that none of his interns would page him JD treaded carefully. Knowing the hospital like the back of his hand, this was an easy task for him.

JD spotted Perry pretty quickly. Watching as he looked at a chart with such seriousness, JD couldn't help but smile at how cute he looked. Seeing Perry go into a supply closet, JD quickly made his move. He ran like the wind and quickly snuck in behind his lover. Giving him a sneak hug from behind, JD grinned. Pressing himself into Perry's back he felt the warmth.

"Surprise." JD kissed the back of Perry's neck before moving in front of him.

Perry, instead of expressing his gratitude, swallowed a gulp and stared annoyed at JD. "What are you doing here? I thought you had the day off meaning you were away from me."

"I had a feeling you wanted to see me, so here I am." JD made a ta-dah motion with his hands before bringing them to Perry's shoulders. "Plus I wanted to kiss you."

JD captured Perry's lips. He found it somewhat exciting that they could get caught at any moment. Allowing his hands to venture, JD ran his fingers through Perry's hair. Somehow he had the feeling Perry wasn't sharing his excitement as his kiss was less than enthusiastic.

"Is something wrong?" JD lightly stroked Perry's arm.

Perry shook JD's hand away. "I told you. Roof or nothing, understand? Listen JD, we can't just go around doing this no matter how much we want to."

"So you admit you want to kiss me too." JD smiled, catching Perry's eyes. He steadied Perry's face so their eye contact remained. "Come on, just one kiss before I see you tonight. You're still coming over aren't you?"

Feeling weak once again, Perry succumbed to the power of JD's eyes. "Of course I'm coming. Wouldn't miss it for the world. Come here." He pulled JD right up against him, forcing his open mouth on JD's so desperately for a second he wondered if he was hurting him. He relaxed into the kiss when he felt JD returning his passions.

Perry let himself lose control and let all his bottled emotions out in kisses and moans. He slid his hand up JD's shirt, digging into the flesh on his chest and feeling the erect nipple tickle his palm.

"Hold on one second I just have to grab some things." Perry heard Elliot's voice like a warning siren. He backed away from JD, his breathing panicked. Grabbing some random supplies off the shelf he tried to play it cool.

The door opened and Elliot stepped in. "JD I thought you had the day off." She grabbed a few supplies.

Running his hand through his hair and feeling the heat from Perry's glare on his cheek, JD shrugged. "I was just paged by an intern. You know, needed something really stupid. Plus it gives me a chance to catch up with my favourite mentor."

"Interns, sometimes they drive you nuts." Elliot replied, shaking her head. "I'll see you guys later alright. Bye Dr Cox."

JD breathed a sigh of relief. "That was a close one, huh Perry?"

Dropping his supplies to the ground, Perry grabbed JD's shoulders and shook him. "I warned you roof or nothing but you had to push it didn't you? If we were caught, do you know what would have happened?"

"Relax. It's still our secret. Our beautiful little secret. I haven't even told Turk because I kind of like it. We share something no-one else does." JD leaned in to peck Perry on the cheek.

Perry slapped JD before he could get closer. It was so hard that it echoed in the small supply closet. "Listen up and listen good. If you can't get yourself under control then we are finished. Don't ever pull shit like this again, do you understand?"

JD held his cheek, swallowing back a few tears of emotional and physical pain. "Okay Perry."

"You know I feel for you JD, but come on. This is for the best. We agreed on that, remember." Perry sighed, seeing that once again he had hurt JD. "Listen, maybe I shouldn't come over tonight. I think we need a break."

"You promised." JD looked at him seriously, the slap burning even more.

"We need to get this in order. This is just a casual thing where we let out some built up sexual tension that just happened to strike us. Coming over tonight would be risky. Please understand." Perry tried to be gentle to alleviate his guilt. His feelings were out of control and he couldn't deny it anymore.

JD nodded and watched Perry leave. For a while he stood in the closet, assessing his relationship. Perry always pushed him away before they were together, it was part of the challenge JD liked. He knew Perry wanted to be close to him, open his heart but he was right about the complications. Plus Elliot catching them would have put things in an awkward position.

Not in the mood to leave the hospital just yet, JD headed up to the roof. He visited the spot where he and Perry would meet regularly. Touching the wall he tried to remember all the positives about their relationship. Eventually he managed to kill the doubts in his mind and let his fantasy drift into the possible future of him and Perry together, in love. After all, the reason he and Jordan were back together due to a "casual sex thing" so he wasn't ruling out hope.

"JD, are you okay man?"

Snapping out of his fantasy, JD realised Todd was standing in front of him. Once again the surgeon had come to the roof and stripped down in order to catch some rays. Todd rolled his eyes at JD drifting out of his own little mind. JD just smiled and nodded.

"Hey dude, you promised you'd hang out on the roof." Todd reminded him, gesturing to the emptiness around him. "No time like the present."

A part of him didn't really want to but JD wasn't about to break a promise and risk more conflict. Plus he figured he had nothing better to do anyway. Stripping down to his briefs, JD grabbed the lotion from Todd. A part of him felt relief at the openness, especially through all the secrecy. He just preyed that he wouldn't burn as he blinked in the sunlight.

"We have been getting some great sun lately." JD commented, spreading some lotion on his body.

"Yeah it's been pretty good coming up here." Todd nodded, leaning in closer to JD. "Plus, there have been people doing it on the roof."

Feeling a little sick and paranoid, JD tried to hide the horror on his face. "Really?"

"Yeah, I totally heard two dudes going at it." Todd explained, motioning to Perry and JD's special spot. "I figured it was Mark the nurse and Matt the ripped guy in the cafeteria."

JD felt slightly relieved that Todd knew nothing of his affair with Perry. He began to relax a little and enjoy the sun. "So how's surgery going for you Todd?"

"This really hot chick just got breast implants." Todd smiled as he remembered. "Then she thanked me by spanking me if you know what I'm saying." He held up his hand for a high five.

JD, happy that the subject was off his secret didn't mind raising his hand. He turned towards Todd to receive his high five. "Hot chick five." He said randomly, trying to stay in the moment.

Todd slapped his hand but before he could do his usual finger snap he turned his attention to JD's side. "Dude that is one massive shiner you have there. How did you get that?"

JD looked at the bruise where Todd was gesturing. It was from when Perry punched him for trying to steal a kiss in the bathroom. "Oh you know, accidents happen."

"It's a sex bruise isn't it?" Todd stepped closer and grazed it with his fingertips. "Whoever did that must be feisty."

JD felt the area tingle as Todd's fingers lightly circled it. "Oh yeah, they're quite feisty alright." He laughed as he thought of the many times Perry angered. Remembering how gorgeous he looked when acted tough. His memories were put on pause when he realised Todd was still circling his bruise gently.

"Come on tell me who did this." Todd finally pulled his hand away. "Who's giving you the tough love?"

JD shook his head. "I don't think so."

"Secrets drive me crazy. You can trust me." Todd's mischievous grin spread on his face. "Tell me JD."

"I'll see you later Todd." JD went to pick up his clothes.

Todd snatched JD's pants swiftly. "Come on! Tell the Big Dog who you're hooking up with. You know I can still rat tail you with these." He twisted the pants strategically and playfully smacked JD.

"Ouch." JD held the side of his thigh. "Todd, give me my pants back."

"That's what she said." Todd joked, trying to dodge JD.

JD tried to do a dive for his clothes and as a result he fell on the ground. As he rolled over to get up he tripped Todd, who ended up falling on top of his legs. JD grabbed his pants and sat up just as Todd began to steady himself, causing the two men to bump heads.

"Dude, uncool." Todd cried out, though laughing afterwards.

JD rubbed his head, meeting Todd's eyes. He smiled at his friend, returning the laughter. Noticing that Todd's dark brown eyes were turning serious as they took in each other, JD's smile faded. Todd reached over and touched JD's shoulder, giving it a squeeze. JD began to feel a little nervous as he realised a blush was appearing on his cheeks. He felt the familiar tingle on his shoulder as he felt Todd's thumb running over his skin.

"Well it was fun hanging out with you. We should totally hang out more." JD thought his voice sounded sincere enough, but he was still paranoid that the awkwardness showed.

"Definitely." Todd nodded, still with his hand on JD's shoulder and a suggestive smile on his face. He eyed JD up and down in approval.

Now feeling more nervous yet somewhat curious, JD realised he had to get away from Todd. "I have to go." He grabbed his clothes and without even putting them back on, sprinted for the door.

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**NOTE: **Thanks for the support :-) Keep reading and reviewing because lets face it, I love it. Expect the next chapter up in a week or so. Oh yeah and by the looks of Chapter 3, this is getting bumped up to an M rating. So I suggest if you want to keep track of this fic remember that fact, or put it on your alert list. Happy reading/writing all!


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

For two weeks JD had avoided Perry as much as he could. It had been hard work, with them working in close proximity, but JD was determined to respect Perry's wishes. They had taken breaks from each other before and it had made them stronger. He couldn't deny that when he saw Perry it took every ounce of strength to fight his desire, but he managed. Convinced that if he just waited it would all be worth it.

Still feeling a little awkward about his moment with Todd on the roof, JD had tried to avoid him too. It was easier to keep away from Todd than Perry, but success was still limited. Todd had managed to catch him off guard with a playful butt slap, a flirtatious wink or cheeky smile here and there. JD rolled his eyes every time, until the part of his brain that craved approval kicked in and he would smile and sigh at the unique wordless compliments.

As much as missing Perry sucked and Todd confused him, the lack of time spent with them had given JD more time with patients. This resulted in much better work and an overdose of approval, which boosted JD's self esteem. Plus there was now time to catch up with Turk. The best friends hadn't seen each other too much, since Turk had been so busy with his own stuff. While it helped with keeping secrets, JD did miss him occasionally and appreciated the opportunity to hang out.

"Seriously when she reaches sixteen, Izzy is not leaving the house without a sweater." Turk explained to JD over lunch. "So you heard anything from Kim recently."

"She's bringing Sam down for a visit this weekend. It will be cool to see how everything's going. I haven't seen him in months." JD thought about the last time he'd seen his son for a moment. "Hey we should get Izzy and Sammy to hang out together. Like a little play date."

"Oh my god you're becoming worse than Carla. She's wanting us to be all friendly with the playground parents." Turk picked at his food shaking his head.

Todd appeared out of nowhere and joined the table. Putting his tray down, he took the seat right next to JD. "Come on T-Dog, soccer moms can be hot. They know how to handle big balls. Wassup!?"

Turk high fived his friend. "Todd, never have kids."

"The Todd always uses protection." Todd attacked his burger with a fierce hunger, giving a little nod to JD.

"Now I've lost my appetite." JD felt a little disgusted with the imagery and pushed his tray back, prompting Turk to grab any meat products left on it.

"Bacon bits, how I love thee." Turk scoffed them in his mouth before his pager went off. "Gotta go, catch you later."

"See you Chocolate Bear. Don't forget, play date." JD turned back to realise that he was alone at the table with Todd. That Todd was sitting right next to him.

"Play date?" Todd asked with raised eyebrows, turning his seat to face JD. "Your son coming down this weekend?"

"Yeah, he is." JD replied, surprised that Todd showed interest in his life as opposed to making a sex joke. "I haven't seen him in a while."

"Speaking of not seeing people in a while, it feels like we haven't spoken in weeks." Todd commented before taking a mouthful of vitamin water. Swiftly and softly he nudged JD with his foot.

"I guess we've just had nothing to say to each other there, Todd." JD felt a little nervous as he knew Todd was just warming up. Just when he convinced himself that any minor feelings for Todd were fleeting, a spark was beginning to resurface as Todd continued to coax him into playing footsie.

"Actually I've had something I wanted to talk to you about." Todd explained, looking into JD's eyes. His looked turned less playful and even more serious. Reaching over, he touched JD's knee.

JD didn't really want to find out what that something was, especially when he had his suspicions. It was weird to see Todd looking so serious over anything not related to working out. Plus he was still technically with Perry, so JD was not about to let anything happen. Looking at Todd's hand on his knee, his mind screamed for it to get off but he couldn't quite bring himself to move. Especially when his leg had now become tingle central.

JD felt extremely lucky when his pager went off. It was a message from Perry telling him to go to the roof. JD couldn't hide his excitement and he smiled widely. Turning from Todd and reading the page once again to make sure it was real, JD let out a happy squeal His fingers were burning with the anticipation of touching Perry once again.

"Before you go dude, I'm going to be hanging out at the bar tonight. You going to be there?" Todd asked, his eyes looking somewhat hopeful.

JD wondered what Todd's intentions were briefly as he saw the look in his eyes. A fleeting rush of guilt filled him as he wondered just how much Todd actually liked him. Then thinking about Perry on the roof he quickly brushed Todd off. "We'll see how it goes."

* * *

Rushing towards the roof stairs, JD burst through the door. He caught his breath before running up and escaping into the outside. Perry was there waiting for him. JD admired every part of him, savouring the moment. He looked like he normally did, but the absence had made him seem even more sexy. Finally, to stop torturing himself JD went to Perry's side.

"You wanted to see me." JD grinned from ear to ear, trying to resist touching Perry. After all, it was Perry who paged _him_, Perry who wanted _him_. JD stood waiting, trying his attempt at a sexy stance just to tease his lover.

"Dammit I've missed you." Perry pulled JD to him, kissing him all over his face.

"You said we should take a break so." JD touched Perry's face and smiled. He felt the heat resonating from Perry's body, which in turn made his own temperature sky rocket. "I knew you missed me."

"Don't get carried away now, just come here." Perry pulled JD to his chest. A huge grin plastered on his face as he nibbled lightly on JD's ear. "Blow me."

JD lifted up Perry's shirt to his chest. Brushing the midsection, JD bit his lip at feeling the bare and sweaty skin beneath his fingertips. Moving his head downwards he kissed Perry's abs. He slowly but surely trailed downwards until he ended up on bended knees.

Planting kisses along the skin just above Perry's pants, JD felt a little cheeky and nipped Perry's belly button. JD teased the older man with his tongue as he lightly began flecking the skin. Hearing the growls that indicated Perry was now in a full blown state of arousal, JD moved his mouth back. Reaching his hand up, he dug his nails into Perry's pectoral flesh before raking them down.

"Why must you insist on this teasing foreplay? Do something before I have to strangle you." Perry moaned the words, desperate to feel JD's mouth.

Pulling down the older man's pants and boxers, JD couldn't help but admire Perry's engorged member for a moment. Drifting back to the last time it was inside him, JD felt his own member stirring. All the tension and passion he'd built up from avoiding Perry had risen to the surface. In desperation, he took Perry's dick in his mouth and began his smooth sucking. Licking it, playing with it, pleasuring it. Getting encouraged by the moans of passion coming from Perry.

"Oh god, JD." Perry cried out, trying to muffle his sound by covering his mouth. "Don't stop, for the love of god."

JD shut his eyes and continued to pleasure his lover. He worshipped Perry, making sure to feel every single movement. Exploring every part below Perry's waist. His strong calves, quivering knees and toned thighs. Moving his hands to squeeze his firm behind, massaging it as he continued with his mouth and tongue play.

Perry pushed down on JD's head, grabbing his hair and pulling. "JD I'm going to lose it, don't stop. Oh god. Oh….yeah."

JD spat the load out before wiping his mouth. He pulled up Perry's pants, rising to meet his lover's satisfied face. Stroking Perry's arm JD couldn't help but feel himself falling even deeper. A part of him wanted to keep teasing Perry, but an even bigger part was anticipating what Perry had in store for him. He pressed his cheek against Perry's, listening to the breathing.

"Are you going to return the favour?" JD asked, whispering in Perry's ear. He pulled back to meet Perry's eyes. An attempted look of seduction was plastered his face.

"I could return the favour now, or I could wait until later." Perry replied, nipping JD's earlobe.

JD's face twisted slightly in excitement. "Does that mean you'll be coming over tonight?"

"Oh yeah." Perry trailed kisses from JD's ear. Brushing JD's lips ever so slightly, it was easy to see the younger man wanted more. Perry grinned at the role reversal, knowing that he was now the one teasing JD to boiling point.

Seeing what Perry had done, JD tried to gain control back. Playfully JD stepped away. "I thought your rules were roof or nothing."

"Well then sunshine if you don't want me to come over I can toss Jordan a sympathy throw down."

"No no no." JD jumped on Perry and hugged his waist, officially giving up the control. "Come over and do naughty things to me."

Perry sighed, realising what he had done. He pushed his pleasure aside and with that, eased JD aside too. "Save it for tonight Newbie." He quickly made his exit, once again angry with himself for promising JD he would come over.

"Damn his incredible mouth." Perry muttered to himself as he walked down the stairs.

* * *

JD couldn't hold in his excitement. He danced around his apartment, not caring that he looked completely silly. Everything was going his way recently. His son was coming for a visit, Turk and he had made effort to spend time together, Janitor was nowhere to be seen due to one of his pranks backfiring and Perry was actually coming over.

"Everything's coming up JD!"

All afternoon he'd been restless and giddy with the mere thoughts of what Perry was going to do to him. He had made an effort to get things as perfect as possible. Bought some beer for himself and an expensive bottle of scotch for Perry's benefit. Set up a few tea light candles around the room for mood lighting. The pair of silk boxers he saved for special sex occasions were on underneath his clothes.

Realising that Perry had never set an official time, JD decided to open a beer and watch some television. As his luck would have it a Spongebob Squarepants marathon was playing.

"Oh Spongebob, what will you do next." JD sipped his beer with a giant grin on his face.

By seven thirty JD was getting increasingly restless and horny. He found himself checking the clock constantly. As the minutes passed by he kept convincing himself that Perry would burst through the door any moment. Turning his attention from the clock to the door, he continued waiting with his slowly waning hope.

By eight forty, JD was feeling slightly depressed. A few tea lights had blown out, messing the mood lighting and he'd downed four beers, which had him on the border of drunk. He finally decided to call Perry and see what was taking him. Picking up the phone he dialled the number for his house. Turning down the television his heart beat faster with every ring.

"Hello." Perry's voice sounded from the phone.

"Where are you?" JD asked, wondering why he was so paranoid he felt the need to whisper it.

Perry's annoyed tone answered his question. "Jack has a fever so I can't come over tonight."

"Oh." JD tried to hide the disappointment in his voice.

"You've made a really stupid move calling the house JD. Never call me here again, understand? Especially about this." Perry hung up after that comment.

JD was used to Perry being angry with him for one reason or another, but this time he felt more hurt than usual. An involuntary tear fell down his cheek. He wanted to be with Perry more than anything, but lately he wondered if it was worth it. Curling up on his couch and hugging his knees he tried to remember the feeling of Perry's arms around him that afternoon.

Staring at the cartoon still playing on TV, he couldn't help but notice the scotch out of the corner of his eye. The scotch he bought specially for Perry. Feeling completely taken for granted, JD sat up and vowed he wouldn't feel this way.

Remembering that Todd was going to be hanging around the bar that night, JD thought about going. Grabbing his jacket he contemplated finishing his moment with Todd and finding out what he had to say. Maybe he would bring Todd back to his apartment because at least he would appreciate the effort. He allowed himself to fantasise about the dark brown eyes, firm lips and incredible sculpted body. The warm tingley feelings that seemed to come only in his presence.

Pausing, JD couldn't help but wonder if he was just trying to sabotage his relationship, like he always did. He curled up on the couch again, deciding not to go out. The last thing he wanted was to risk losing the one he wanted for years for a silly crush. Besides, Perry only pushed him away because he didn't want to hurt others. It was natural he would be angry sometimes. Wiping the tears from his eyes, he calmed down and opened another beer, preying the next time on the roof would be soon.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"It's funny, when I pictured having kids. I always thought I'd be married by this point." JD stared at Sam and Izzy playing beside him and Turk.

"You imagined you'd be married to Marcia Brady and figured out the secret to floating head doctor by now." Turk replied, picking up his daughter and giving her a kiss. "I mean I didn't think I'd have kids so soon but here's Carla looking at having another one."

"So you're going to try for a boy?" JD asked, pulling Sam into his lap.

"Brother wants to conceive a little brother." Turk lay back and let Izzy rest on his stomach.

JD lay back with his best friend. "You're lucky though. You have that person with you always and you get to see Izzy everyday. I'm alone and I can only see Sam so much, you know?"

"Dude, we're not going there again okay? We have this conversation too many times and it always ends the same." Turk pushed the emotional conversation aside before remembering. "Besides from what I hear, you've been hooking up and you haven't told me."

"Where did you hear that?" JD tried to stall and turned away from Turk so his best friend couldn't read the look on his face.

"You just turned your head away so I couldn't read your face. It's totally true, isn't it?"

"No it's not." JD spoke too slowly. Even he knew Turk wouldn't be as stupid to fall for it. For a brief moment JD let his mind wander. He had barely spoken to Perry since he had bailed on their special night and didn't really know where he stood. Secrecy was hard that way.

Turk opened his mouth wide before shaking his head. "Please don't tell me you and Mole-butt are bumping uglies again."

"No Turk it's not Elliot." JD sputtered, hoping that something would happen to change the subject. Hearing a jingle in the background, he said a mental thanks to fate. "Ice-cream truck!"

"You can't ice-cream truck your way outta this one." Turk shook his head and JD obeyed the implied order.

"Okay so how did you find out?" JD asked, bouncing Sam on his lap and trying not to meet his friend's eyes.

"Todd asked me who you were hooking up with. Said you had a massive booty call bruise." Turk moved his face to meet JD's eyes, a smile on his face. "Tell me who the rough broad is."

"I promised I wouldn't tell. It's kind of a secret and I don't want to sabotage it." JD was telling the truth, though he couldn't deny that the last few days had been tense. All the feelings had been left unsaid and neither was making an effort, which in effect was probably a worse relationship wrecker.

"You sabotage every relationship you've ever been in, why is this one so different?"

"It just is, now please drop it." JD snapped, unwilling to take it any further.

"Okay calm down." Turk gave a hurt look to his best friend. "Since when have we not been able to tell each other things?"

Before JD could answer fate intervened once again. One of the playground moms came up to their spot. "Chris, hello there. I'm looking forward to dinner with you and Carla tomorrow night."

Turk became caught up in the conversation, despite efforts to protest. JD used the time to stare off into space and once again let his mind drift to Perry. The part of him that loved the sharing of a secret was fading and all he wanted was to tell people. If people knew they wouldn't have to sneak around and Perry wouldn't constantly be angry or running away. They could just be with each other, happy and comfortable like they were during their acts of love. Part of him wished that it was Perry and Jennifer Dylan with him, even though he enjoyed the company of Turk and Izzy.

Having finished the conversation with the playground mom, Turk turned his attention back to JD. "Fine, I'll drop the subject. I have a feeling that I don't want to know anyway." He looked at his watch. "I'm supposed to meet Carla for lunch. Did you want to come?"

"No I think I'm just going to head home. Spend some time with Sammy before his mommy takes him away." JD threw his back pack over his shoulders before picking up his son. "I'll see you later Chocolate Bear."

"Vanilla Bear, you know when you want to tell me about your mystery maiden I'm all ears."

"I won't be telling you about my mystery maiden anytime soon…" JD waved to Turk and walked off before whispering to his son secretly. "…because I'm falling in love with a guy."

* * *

Back at his apartment, JD was watching X-men cartoons with Sam sitting on the couch beside him. While his son drank from his bottle and bounced up and down excitedly, JD would explain everything about the show to him.

"See that's Storm. She controls the weather with her mind." JD smiled when his son smiled at him. "In the human version, she was played by a very hot chick."

Sam put down his bottle before crawling towards his dad. Grabbing JD's thigh, he leaned on it looking as though he was about to snooze off. JD lightly rubbed Sam's back for awhile, hoping that their time together would last.

There was a knock on his apartment door soon after. JD checked the clock in annoyance. Kim was an hour earlier than she said she would be. Sighing he picked up Sam and kissed his forehead. "Looks like you have to go because mommy decided to be a bitch and pick you up early." Then realising what he said. "Oh yeah and even though you can't talk, don't tell mommy that daddy thinks she's mean for taking you away too early."

The knock sounded again, louder this time. Finally JD stood up and went to answer it. Opening the door he prepared to give Kim a mouthful and beg her to let Sam stay another hour. He found himself stunned when he realised that it wasn't Kim at the door, but Todd.

"Hey JD, I just thought I'd come over." Todd said, trying to look confident but shuffling a little.

"Come in, I guess." JD stood aside and let Todd into his place. Though he didn't want to seem rude, he kind of regretted letting the other man in. "What brings you here?"

"I thought you might be sad because when your son goes back with his hot mommy, you always seem depressed." Todd revealed a plastic bag. Waiting until JD sat back down, he revealed the contents. "So I bought you Jagermeister and this month's issue of Hustler."

JD was a little stunned by the gifts, but still touched by Todd coming over. "Thanks Todd." He knew Todd was trying his best and part of him felt kind of flattered, especially since he had been feeling so low in the love department.

Sitting down on the couch beside the father and son, Todd looked at them curiously. "Can I hold him?"

A little reluctant, JD handed his son over. He propped Sam up on Todd's knee. "There you go. Sam, meet The Todd."

"Baby five." Todd kept one hand on Sam's back to support him and held up the other in a high five. Slowly, Sam reached out and lightly pressed his tiny palm to the much bigger one in front of him. Todd smiled, turning to JD. "You gotta admit that's cool."

JD couldn't help but laugh. "I think he likes you."

"What about his dad?" Todd's look suddenly turned serious. "Does Sam's dad like The Todd?"

JD didn't know how to respond to the question, partly because he didn't even know the answer anymore. Every time Todd was near him, the spark would flicker on and plant thoughts in his mind. Perry just seemed to fly out the window, which was easy given his recent behaviour towards JD.

Todd's eyes were making him nervous, so JD turned his attention to the television where X-men was still playing. "Sam and I were watching X-men."

"I love X-men! Awesome!" Todd exclaimed, seeming to forget what he'd just asked.

JD took Sam back from Todd. The three of them sat watching the cartoon. JD was still randomly explaining things to his son about the show. "That's Rogue. See she can't touch people because when she does she absorbs all their power."

This time, however, Todd helped out. "Who cares about that? I would still sex that red hair right off."

"Todd, not in front of Sam. Besides you couldn't have sex with Rogue, the moment she touches you, you'd pass out." JD rolled his eyes, though still had to admit it was funny.

As time went on, they sat in silence while Sam crawled around on the floor. JD stopped explaining things and just concentrated on the man next to him. It felt kind of nice, just sitting there with Todd. However the sexual tension between them could be cut with a chainsaw, making things a little less comfortable.

Their knees were touching slightly. JD knew that Todd noticed it too. In fact he was the one encouraging it. JD turned to his friend and their eyes met. Todd inched slightly closer, so their thighs were right beside each other.

"Our legs are rubbing up against each other." JD whispered, stating the obvious.

"You're not making an attempt to move away." Todd whispered back, running his hand down JD's thigh.

JD felt the tingles shoot up and down his leg. His breathing became a little heavier as Todd walked his fingers over his thigh. Slowly but surely Todd was making his way towards the gap. Up towards his crotch, where JD could feel himself getting excited. Todd's hands were actually shaking as he continued the walking motion, realising just how close he was to JD's pleasure zone.

JD grabbed Todd's hand to steady it before things could go any further. "Stop doing that!"

A knock on the door thrilled JD, despite the fact that he knew it was definitely Kim this time. Realising he was still holding Todd's hand he yelped and pulled away. Turning from the surgeon, he looked at his son. Picking him up from the floor, JD's face fell.

"You have to go now, but remember that Daddy loves you." JD hugged Sam tight before going to the door. Kim stood there, holding her arms out as JD slowly handed his son away.

"Hope he wasn't too much trouble." Kim replied, kissing Sam on the forehead.

"No he was awesome." JD explained softly. "Bye Sam. Come back and visit again soon." He solemnly shut the door and sighed, shocked to find that Todd was right behind him.

"Dude, that sucks." Todd touched JD's arm. "Are you going to be okay?"

In the mood to be alone, JD pulled away. "What are you even doing here?"

"This." Todd stated simply before pulling JD to him and moving in. His lips landed perfectly on JD's and Todd firmly but tenderly kissed them. He pulled back to see the reaction. "Ever since that time on the roof I can't stop thinking about you."

"That was weeks ago." JD knew that he couldn't deny that he liked the kiss and the openness with Todd. The spark had turned into a small fire and the fantasies began to flow back.

"I know but whenever I see you now you just look so…sexy." Todd moved in again, this time cupping JD's face. "The Todd has to kiss you again."

Hearing he was sexy in someone's eyes made JD feel special. When Todd kissed him again, he found himself returning the kiss with just as much passion. Feeling Todd's mouth and tongue working with his own made JD weak at the knees. Todd's arms around him made him feel warm and comforted. JD gave in to his fire and let his hands run over Todd's incredible body. Gripping the other man tight so he couldn't get away, JD was reluctant to let the amazing and hot kiss end.

"Newbie!" JD could hear the voice in his head. No longer was Perry a distant memory. No longer was his lover forgotten. He opened his eyes and removed his mouth from Todd's. When he heard the voice again, JD realised Perry wasn't in his mind, but at the door. He stood in place with his heart pounding and his lips tingling.

"What's Cox doing here?" Todd asked, looking towards the doorway and keeping JD pressed to him.

"Who knows?" JD whispered in reply, releasing his grip and slipping away from Todd. He felt somewhat paranoid that Perry could see him through the wall.

Todd grabbed JD's hand, running his thumb over the knuckles. "Don't answer it, we can have a little fun and he never has to know you're home."

"I better get the door, it could be an emergency." JD made his way to the door once again. Once he opened it, Perry let himself in. At that moment, JD stared at the scene. There was the man he was falling in love with staring at another man who he had just kissed and was confused about.

Todd's face fell slightly. JD noticed this and felt sort of guilty. Todd looked at the time. "Hey look at that. Player almost forgot about the big date tonight. I'll see you later JD."

JD knew he was lying, but he made no attempt to stop Todd leaving, despite the small part of him that wanted to. He watched the door shut behind him. Swallowing the lump in his throat he tried to keep himself from collapsing. Feeling Todd's kiss still lingering on his lips and Perry's stare on the side of his head JD preyed for a sign of which way to go.

"I thought you might be a little depressed after Sam left. Plus I wanted to see you. I figure it's a time like this you'd understand how hard it is for me to leave my kids."

Turning to Perry, JD took his words as a sign that his feelings for Todd were nothing but disguised sabotage. Throwing his arms around the older man, JD buried his head in Perry's neck. "I was really upset when you didn't come over. Then you wouldn't even look at me."

Perry hushed him. "Don't be like that. I'm here now aren't I? Surely that proves I feel for you."

JD began unbuttoning Perry's shirt and trailing kisses down his collar bone. Perry eased him back though, shaking his head. JD felt sick at the thought of Perry pushing him away again at such a bad time. However, he felt Perry tug at the bottom of his T-shirt. JD raised his arms, allowing Perry to remove it.

"Tonight, it's all about you." Perry whispered before trailing kisses down JD's body. "I care about you so much."

Forgetting the world existed, JD surrendered to Perry. He appreciated everything Perry was offering him. Feeling the soft kisses leading towards his hips. Letting his member grow hard with pleasure. Shutting his eyes and letting out a soft moan of ecstasy, JD forgot all about Todd and his confusing feelings. There was only Perry.

* * *

**NOTE: **Who's up for a cup of confusion! Heck writing this is tricky because I have ways of ending the story, it's just a matter of which ending fits and who JD ends up with in that one. Anyways, glad to see the hits/reviews and people keeping track of this story. The next few chaps are looking good and getting deeper into the whole situation. So I hope you enjoy that and are liking the story so far.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Perry woke up to the sound of his cell phone going off. Feeling around trying to find it, he gave up when the ringing stopped. Being awake anyway, Perry knew he wouldn't get back to sleep. Opening his eyes and stretching slightly, it was only then he realised where he was.

Feeling warmth pressed against his side, he turned to see a naked, sleeping JD cuddled up to him. Putting his head in his hands, Perry cursed himself for losing control. He didn't care that it was morning. At that moment all he wanted was a scotch. Remembering that JD had a bottle especially for him, no doubt a bribe to entice him into making apartment visits a regular thing, Perry hopped out of bed.

After slipping on his shirt and boxers, Perry snuck out to the living room of JD's apartment. On the kitchen counter top he found the scotch, begging for him. He needed to block out the night before and all the love it held. Perry didn't want to admit that the reason he had broken the rule and finally come over was because he was falling in love with JD, despite convincing himself at the time it was to let off some guilt and sexual tension.

Not even bothering to pour a glass, Perry swigged the scotch straight from the bottle. He was glad he didn't have work that day, also that JD did have work and they wouldn't have to have the awkward morning after conversation. Glancing at the clock, Perry figured that JD would soon be getting up for work. Shoving the lid back on the scotch, he figured he could quickly sneak out before that happened.

"Good morning Perry." JD burst out of his room before Perry could retrieve the rest of his clothes. "Some night last night wasn't it?"

"Indeed. Now shouldn't you be getting to work?" Perry enquired, touching his nose and folding his arms. Hoping to enforce the fact that he was the boss above anything else.

JD grinned and unfolded Perry's arms, holding his lover's hands. "When you fell asleep last night I called in and got someone to cover me for a few hours. Lucky that Dr Shelley has no life. Since I knew you were off today as well, I thought we could…"

Perry put a finger to JD's lips. "You thought what? That we could spend the morning in bed together? News flash, I shouldn't have even been over here last night. Now I have to explain to Jordan where I was, not that she cares anyway."

JD's face fell, realising that Perry was pushing him away again. "You can't blame me for wanting to spend time with you. Especially after last night. Perry, I lov-"

Perry smacked JD in the mouth before he could complete the words. "Don't even think about saying it."

JD held his jaw, his face no longer full of morning cheer. "You hit me again."

"Well can you blame me? I put my ass on the line to be with you and all your needy mind can think about is more."

"Why are you so afraid of loving me?" JD snapped, feeling his lips pulse from where Perry hit him.

"How many times do I have to tell you? This is just sexual tension." Perry's eye began twitching, signalling just how mad he was getting.

"It may have started out that way, but it's more than that now. I want to be with you, Perry and I know that you'll never admit it but you want to leave Jordan. You just never let yourself be happy."

Perry couldn't stop himself before the punch connected with JD's face. "You ungrateful little shit." His teeth gritted as his anger took over. Darkness enveloped him and nothing was taboo anymore. Even the fact that JD was on the floor nursing his face didn't matter. He wanted control, but he was out of control. "I give you my time and all you can do is whine. You're a pathetic little girl." He stomped on the fallen JD before kicking him hard and repeatedly.

JD curled up on the floor, holding his wounds and begging Perry to stop. Tears were falling down his cheeks as he tried to quiet his wails. Perry stood over him, looking at his hands and wondering what he had done. He had a brief flashback to his abusive childhood, fearing that he had become just like his father. His chest hurt from guilt, disbelief and heartbreak. Silence filled the room as he stood there, frozen in shock, staring down at the result of his anger and pride.

"I'm so sorry JD." Perry finally leaned down towards JD, feeling tears forming in the corners of his eyes. Sure he wanted JD to be more careful, which caused him to push away occasionally but he never could have imagined hurting him so violently. "Everything is just so out of control."

JD sat up weakly, his back facing Perry. Sad and scared he was quivering. This was by far the worst Perry had ever been. "Why do you keep hurting me?"

"I wish I knew. It's just so hard. I can't have my life fucking up."

"It's hard for me too." JD confessed, letting the sobs escape his throat. Pulling his legs to his body JD buried his face in his knees. "I have to see you with Jordan all the time. I have to keep this secret when all I want to do is tell someone, anyone. All I want is to just hold you, uninterrupted. Sometimes I just get lonely, you know?"

Perry went to hold JD from behind, only to have JD flinch at his touch. The reaction was so small, yet the feelings of shock, hurt and nausea it caused in the older man were incredibly strong. Perry wished more than anything that JD would look at him but understood why he wasn't.

"Please forgive me. I promise I'll never hurt you again." Slowly Perry moved in again and kissed JD's spine softly, taking in the scent of his soft, pale skin.

Giving in to the affection that he craved, JD turned to Perry and sobbed openly into his neck. "Sometimes I want to be angry with you, but I can't because my feelings for you are so strong. I just hate it when you push me away. I want to be with you, but I can't if you keep hurting me."

"I know." Perry soothed JD, stroking his back. "Come on, I'll take you to bed."

Scooping a weak JD up, Perry took him back to the bedroom. Shutting his eyes for a moment, Perry began absorbing the feel of the vulnerable person in his arms. He set JD down on the bed and covered him with a blanket. "Do you need some ice for your face or anything?"

"No Perry, I just need you." JD said trying to hold back how much pain he was really in.

Too ashamed to stick around, Perry made up an excuse. "I actually have to go. Just promise me you'll take care of yourself, okay?"

"I want you to stay." JD grabbed Perry and hugged him tight. He didn't want their night to end on such a low note.

Perry eased JD back, forcing himself to look even though he didn't want to. "I want to, but I really can't." He moved in and kissed JD softly. "I feel for you so much. I'm so sorry."

JD grabbed Perry's hand. It was a desperate attempt to get him to stay. "When will we do this again?"

"I don't know." Perry knew he needed to get out of that room and away from JD. "I'll see you tomorrow."

As Perry shut the door behind him, leaving JD's apartment, he wanted to throw up. All his attempts to stop him and JD falling in love were crumbling around him. He knew JD was well and truly getting in. Despite the fact he didn't usually want anyone breaking in, a part of Perry wanted the walls to fall. He wanted JD to know everything about him. Strengths, weaknesses, dreams, fears and above all how much the younger man truly meant to him.

Gripping the steering wheel of his car he just kept driving around, trying to figure out a solution. If he left Jordan, he'd never see his children. If he left JD, then he'd just keep going back anyway. He could apply for a position far away and drink to forget, but even in his head it sounded stupid.

Speeding along the roads, Perry knew that there was no way for this situation to end happily. The only way to get everything he wanted was to keep his affair with JD controlled, spend his nights in bed with a woman he loved but was not in love with, go to the hospital and do his job and drink to alleviate any guilt or frustration felt by all of it. He'd been doing practically the same thing for years with ease, what was a couple more?

-----

JD arrived at the hospital around lunch time. Remembering he was on call that night, he figured he should pick up some coffee to keep himself awake. Walking into Coffeebucks he ran into Turk and Todd. At the sight of Todd, JD wanted to run but he knew Turk would suspect. He took a deep breath and tried to play it cool. No such luck.

"Oh my god you got laid." Turk spotted the signs immediately and patted his best friend on the back. "Is my boy the man or what?"

Todd looked at JD for a fraction too long before heading off towards the hospital in a quick but subtle escape. "I'll see you later. Going to work on the guns."

"Bye Todd." JD replied, relieved but a little conflicted as he spotted the look in Todd's eyes.

Turk looked back and forth from Todd walking away, to JD right beside him. "Either my sense is whack or something happened between you two."

JD's eyes opened wide as his mind screamed. He tried to lie, but he knew Turk would catch him out straight away. Faced with the awkward situation he blurted the first thing that came to his head. "Banana hammock!" Naturally, the association sent his mind straight back to The Todd.

Seeing that half the coffee house was staring at him, JD walked out. Turk followed him, rushing ahead to sit down at the bench in front of the hospital. "Okay JD, sit down. You can tell me anything, just let it out."

JD knew he couldn't get out of it and decided to tell Turk some of the truth. "Yesterday, Todd and I…we kind of kissed."

"Dude! You and The Todd?! I don't want to know."

"You told me to sit down and tell you!" JD cried out, putting his hands on his head. "Besides I don't know what to do."

"How about don't tell me. I don't want to think about two of my best friends getting down and dirty." Turk held up his hands as if merely touching JD made the gay contagious. "Did you like it?"

"You said you didn't want to know!" JD shouted, shaking his head in annoyance. Since faced with the question, his mind drifted back to the kiss. For a second JD shut his eyes and savoured the memory.

Turk was about to reply when he noticed the look on his friends face. "Oh my brother from another mother you liked it. You kissed a dude and you liked it! I always suspected that maybe…but dude!" Unable to deal anymore, Turk walked towards the hospital doors.

"It's not like anything is going to happen. Todd and I are just too different for anything to work out between us." JD ran after him. Worried about people finding out, he added. "Please don't tell anyone about this."

"Oh despite the fact that this image will be in my head way too long, I'm not going to say a word. I may gauge out my eyes later."

"You didn't even see it happen." JD sputtered, regretting coming to work at all that day.

"Not the point! Leaving, now!" Turk walked away, blocking JD from his sights.

JD grabbed a patient chart and proceeded with his day. For the next few hours he became absorbed in his work, had to help out with a code and talked to patients as much as possible to try and keep his mind off things. Everything was going well and the day was looking up until JD went to the bathroom.

He slipped and found himself staring at the ceiling. Without even having to see his face, JD knew who was responsible. "Well it's good to see you're feeling better. Since when did you start cleaning the bathrooms?"

Janitor popped up in his view. "Are you telling me how to do my job?"

JD sat up, annoyed. "No, it's just that you never clean the bathrooms. You said it yourself!"

"Well if you think you can do a better job Hot Shot Doctor Man, you do it." Janitor threw his mop at JD before going to leave the bathroom. "Hey Todd, if you can give that guy a swirly I'll make it worth your while."

JD stood up and dropped the mop to the floor at hearing the Janitor's last words. Turning, he found himself staring at Todd who had just entered the bathroom. He put his hands up in defence. Todd advanced on him, grabbing his wrists. For a second he looked as though he wanted to flush JD's head in the toilet, but instead he let go. Grinning playfully, Todd petted JD's cheek before walking over to the urinal.

"Okay Todd, you probably want to flush my head after last night but listen I'm really sorry." JD stood a few urinals away from Todd to do his business.

"Relax I'm not going to flush you." Todd said, staring ahead at the wall. "Besides you got some last night after Dr Cox left, so why should you be thinking about me right?"

"Todd I'm sorry." JD started, relieved that Todd couldn't put two and two together and realise Perry hadn't left. He stared as Todd finished and went over to the sink.

Todd came back and stood behind JD. Feeling nervous, JD finished peeing and turned around to meet his eyes. He couldn't believe how close Todd was. What he also found surprising is that Todd was smiling.

"Dude, it was just a kiss. No big deal right?" Todd stood in his usual stance. Hands on hips, laid back, yet still somewhat intimidating.

"Actually it was two kisses, but yeah, no big deal." JD couldn't help but feel like he had just lied. He also couldn't shake the feeling that Todd was lying as well. His instincts were confirmed as Todd continued to stand in front of him.

"Just like this is no big deal." Todd kissed JD's cheek. "Nothing wrong with that. Or this." He held the back of JD's head, bringing his lips in before any protest could be made. Lightly he sucked on JD's neck.

JD felt his knees buckle, neck tingle and his face twist into a weird expression. "No nothing wrong with that at all, but maybe we should stop."

Todd's eyes burned into JD's, filled with passion and lust. "Why should we stop, it means nothing." Forcing his mouth onto JD's, he kissed the medical doctor with all the emotion he had. Breaking away, his face sported a grin. "It's just playing, right?" In an overcompensating effort to deny what he really felt, Todd squeezed JD's butt before backing away.

Feeling weak at the knees and tingly all over, JD managed a shaky reply. "That may have not been nothing." Feeling his neck, which was pulsating where Todd had mouthed him, JD wondered. "Also you may have given me a hickey."

Todd's face, with his eyes still locked on JD's, turned serious. "Who is better?"

"What are you talking about?" JD asked, trying to back away from Todd as their faces were still so close.

"Who is better, me or whoever it is you're hooking up with and won't say?"

JD felt Todd's hands brush his hips before clamping on to him so he couldn't leave. Thoughts of Perry rushed through JD's mind, the years, the amazing pleasure, the increasing pain. Then came the thoughts of Todd and the rising feelings that were now part of the package. One part screamed for him to push away and work things out with Perry while the other half wanted to give in to The Todd.

For the first time, JD realised that the answer wasn't as simple as he figured it would be. "Please don't ask me that." JD suddenly felt a cold rush as Todd's hands left his hips.

"I'll see you later JD." Todd didn't even wait for a reply before leaving the bathroom, his head falling slightly just before the door shut behind him.

* * *

**NOTE:** Awwww. This chapter is quite angsty, better get the next one up as soon as possible. I can try and get chappie 6 up before the new year, but if I don't Merry Xmas to all the fans of this story and others who just happen to be reading this. Now your present to me can be a lovely, encouraging review ;-) I love writing this story and it's cool to see readers getting into it. The next chapters won't disappoint! :-)


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

"I feel so unattractive." Elliot told everyone in earshot, leaning against the nurse's station. "This is just like that time in sophomore year when everyone had a date to the Sadie Hawkins Dance except me. That's because I was going through a goth stage."

"Come on Elliot, it's not that bad. What about that guy you were seeing…Jason or something?" Carla asked, typing away on the computer.

"Jeffrey, Carla. Besides he's celibate. No nookie before marriage." Elliot sighed once again. "Before you ask, he doesn't want to marry me either. Plus I'm a believer in try before you buy kind of thing." She threw up her hands in frustration, before letting out a soft whine. "I can't believe everyone's got someone except me."

As a result of overhearing the conversation JD, wracked with frustration and guilt, snapped. "Geeez poor Elliot. You've only done it with half the hospital and the other half wants to. Stop complaining! You're not the only loner around here."

"JD why are you being such an ass?" Elliot replied, grabbing a patient's chart. "Besides from what I hear you're hooking up with someone, just no-one knows who."

"Believe me, you don't want to know either." Carla told Elliot, raising an eyebrow at JD.

JD felt shock coming on his face, remembering that Turk knew about his kiss with Todd. "Oh my god, Turk told you?!"

"No but that trick usually works on you." Carla replied. "I guess you've caught on and watch before you blurt out stuff huh Bambi?"

"Hello? Having a crisis here." Elliot turned the attention back to her. "I thought I was stronger than this."

"Relax Elliot, here comes Todd. Just drop a pencil and you're bound to feel sexy, albeit a bit dirty when he makes a comment." Carla told her, getting the look of satisfaction she did when she gave advice.

"Thank you Carla." Elliot dropped her chart just as Todd was walking past. She bent over to give him a full view.

To everyone's surprise, Todd said nothing and just kept heading towards the gym. JD's head was screaming at him to say something, or go after him, but he stood paralysed. He could have sworn Todd was looking at him out of the corner of his eyes.

For a brief moment, JD allowed himself to remember how Todd's lips felt that evening in his apartment. Then again in the bathroom three days previously. He tried to convince himself that Todd was a sexual deviant who wanted everyone, therefore he had no feelings, but the fire and guilt still remained.

"Oh my god, I can't even get The Todd to make a sex joke." Elliot pointed out. "Frick I should never have broke it off with Keith. I could be married right now."

"Actually come to think of it, Todd has been acting a little less...Todd lately." Carla gasped as though she realised something. JD couldn't help but be curious as Elliot gasped too.

"It's that time of year again." The two women said in unison.

Carla looked around, eyeing everyone as though the people nearby were suspects in a murder case. "I wonder who it is this time."

"Nurse Alicia!" Elliot exclaimed as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. "She's this new surgical nurse that's helped him out a few times. Plus she's pretty hot." Following the comment she seemed to drift off into a little girl crush thought.

"No way, Alicia believes in giving everyone a chance. She goes out with everybody. If Todd liked her he would have made some move and she would have said yes."

JD finally decided to act on his curiosity. "Okay ladies, may I ask what the hell you're talking about?"

Turk appeared next to them, having overheard their conversation. He looked right at JD, making sure the medical doctor knew the words were directed at him. "It happens once every year, usually for about two weeks. The Todd, instead of just giving it up to everyone, falls for one particular person. He cuts down on the sex jokes, spends even more time in the gym, becomes more attentive with patients in case said person is watching and is basically all serious until the two weeks is up and he's back to his old arrogant self."

"I can't believe you've never noticed it before." Carla went over and gave Turk a kiss and hug. "It's been over eight years Bambi!"

"Yeah first it was Jaime from paediatrics." Elliot thought back, trying to remember the brief periods throughout the years. "Forth year there was that woman in the cafeteria with the big jugs, or he may have been looking at Matt. Oh that guy is so ripped."

"Actually Matt was sixth year, remember?" Carla pointed out to Elliot who nodded.

"Last year it was the guy with the orange smoothie stand at the mall." Turk mentioned, before thinking about it clearer. "Then again, Todd just has a thing for orange smoothies altogether."

"Then there was that period after Turk and my wedding because Todd liked one of my sisters. You must remember one of them."

Turk scoffed at his wife. "Please, you're talking to the guy that doesn't even see women who have a wedding ring on. See you at lunch baby." Turk walked off, glaring at JD before he left.

"What was that all about?" Elliot pointed back and forth between Turk and JD.

A confused JD stared after his best friend. "I don't know, but I'm about to find out." Chasing after Turk he managed to catch up. Turk tried to avoid him by stepping in the elevator, but JD managed to sneak in before the doors shut.

"JD, I'm not really in the mood to talk right now. Besides I have to get prepped for surgery." Turk explained before JD could say anything.

"Look I know your whole deal is to do the silent treatment, but would you mind telling me why?" JD followed Turk out of the elevator when it stopped on his floor. "I'm not going to leave you alone until you tell me."

Turk sighed and turned around. The look on his face told JD that Turk wasn't so much mad at him, but just not wanting to verbalise something. "JD you're my best friend and you always will be. That doesn't change the fact that Todd is also one of my best friends."

"I know that and I respect that." JD replied, still confused about the problem.

"Like it or not, he's into you and you just stand there acting like it's no big deal." Turk attempted to walk off again. It was awkward for him to think about Todd and JD together, even worse if one of them was hurt. Not to mention the weird position it put him in.

JD followed him to the sink outside the O.R. "It's like you said though, it only lasts two weeks and then he's back to his regular self. No big deal right?"

Turk began to wash his hands thoroughly. "This is different JD. For one it's been over two weeks. He asks about you and when he's not doing that he talks about you like you're the still point of the turning world." Scrubbing soap into his hands and up his arms, he turned to JD. He sighed before finally admitting his opinion out loud. "I can't believe I didn't notice it before, then you told me you guys kissed…JD, I think he's really fallen for you."

"Come on." JD couldn't help but laugh at how silly it sounded. "I understand that he has a little crush on me, but it will pass right? I mean, he's Todd."

"I know he's not perfect, or the smartest guy around, but he's loyal. Plus he's really maturing, as much as he can anyway." Turk finished washing his hands. The serious look on his face made JD's smile fall. "You may be seeing someone else but I can tell you like him too. I just don't want you breaking his heart."

"I don't want to break his heart." JD explained softly. It was only at that moment that he realised he actually had the power to really hurt Todd. He didn't want that burden, but leaving Perry didn't seem like a viable option. "It's just very complicated right now."

"You know if I'm forced to choose I'll choose you, but I don't want it to come to that."

"Okay Chocolate Bear. I understand." JD hung his head, knowing he had a soul searching journey ahead of him.

"Nothing about this situation is fair to me you know. Either one or both of my best friends get hurt, or those same two friends go and get their gay on." Turk slipped on his surgical mask and gloves, shaking his head in disbelief. "Just figure out your feelings and fast."

* * *

JD sat in the cafeteria. He was on a late shift but knew he couldn't concentrate until he figured out his situation. Plus at this point the cafeteria was practically empty. A few hospital personnel would duck in and out for a snack or beverage.

He sat with his journal, tapping at the pages with his pen. All the moments between him and his two objects of desire rushed through his brain. He tried to get his feelings out on the paper, but he had no idea where to start. Every time he thought he had the answer, something else would stop him.

"Perry. Perry. Perry." JD whispered, tapping a rhythm. "Todd. Todd. Todd."

The spot where he was sitting was very significant. A part of him hoped it would make his decision easier. Concentrating on the seat opposite him, he managed to bring back the memory of that night. The night when he and Perry first kissed. Soon, JD could see it in his mind like it was yesterday.

_JD was depressed because a favourite patient had just died. He failed to save one coding patient and suffered a real scare with another. Then to top it off, Kim sprung the news on him that in a month she and Sam were going to England for awhile. As he was nursing a cup of coffee, Perry joined him. JD remembered his mentor's face, not daring to make a joke despite his obvious weakness. Perry offered comforting words, even when JD shed a tear his tone remained soft and gentle._

_Their hands brushed in the middle of the table. JD grabbed Perry's desperately, not caring if Perry thought he was needy. Perry did make a comment about sucking it up, but made no attempt to let go. Instead he demanded JD look at him. Perry told JD that he was a great, caring doctor and he did his best._

_JD had not wanted to hear it, so he tried to walk away. What JD didn't know was that Perry was feeling surprisingly needy too. Perry followed him, catching his shoulder and turning him back. They both stared at each other, knowing what would happen if they didn't turn away. Perry succumbed first and planted his lips on JD's desperately. JD was shocked as Perry pulled back and their eyes met again but he had no objections to returning the second, gentler kiss._

_"We can't do this here. Come with me."_

_Perry ran out of the cafeteria, motioning for JD to follow him. Together they ran towards the stairs leading to the roof, bolting up them with lightening speed. The moment JD burst through the door behind him, Perry pulled him close. They surrendered, squeezing and kissing each other breathless as the full moon beamed down upon the start of their affair._

Letting the memory fade, JD figured his heart belonged with Perry. The only thing he could remember sharing with Todd at that particular table was when he pushed two donuts together and made "donut boobies." JD rolled his eyes, until he remembered that Todd actually gave him one of the donuts because Janitor had stolen his lunch.

"That was sweet of him." JD continued tapping his pen against his journal. Suddenly he had an idea. Folding two pages in half he made four columns He labelled one page of his journal PERRY and the other side TODD. Underneath the names he labelled one column on each page PROS and the other CONS.

"JD you're a genius." He smiled to himself before concentrating. "Now let's see…"

The first thing he thought of was Perry's brains. Perry was very smart and knowledgeable, where Todd was quite immature and prone to dumb moments. Then he remembered that Todd was in fact one of the top surgeons at Sacred Heart, even better than Turk. While Perry was a great doctor, he let his work become his number one which affected his emotions. Todd still managed to have that sense of fun about him.

Seeing the columns were even for both prospects, JD thought of another factor. Perry was a great lover. There was no denying that on JD's front. However since he hadn't slept with Todd, he found it unfair to write that. Plus if Todd's kisses were any indication, the comparison would be pointless. Sighing in frustration, JD gave up on that idea.

"Okay, just whatever comes into your head. Focus." JD shut his eyes and concentrated real hard, trying to write down the thoughts that ran through his mind.

Todd brought him presents to cheer him up after Sam left. Perry ended up spending the night. Perry is taken with two kids. Todd has never had a serious relationship and probably couldn't handle it. Perry cared about him deep down. Then again, so did Todd. Todd was always making immature sex jokes. Perry always made jokes at his expense. Perry abused him. Todd was in league with the Janitor. Perry comforted him when his patients died. Todd was there for him on the roof that day. Perry was a handsome older man. Todd was a hot guy his own age.

"Baaahhhhhhh!!!" JD screamed aloud, shocking a nurse who had come to get a diet soda. He shut his journal and put his head in his hands. There was no quick way to figure it out.

"Dude, are you okay?" Todd appeared at JD's table as if by magic. He sat down in the seat beside him.

"Where did you come from?" JD blinked, making sure he wasn't hallucinating.

Todd reached over and grabbed JD's hand, squeezing each of the fingers. "I need to talk to you about everything that's happened."

JD gave the surgeon his full attention though found it awkward looking Todd in the eyes. "Yeah it has been pretty weird. I thought you said it was no big deal though."

"The Todd lied." Todd replied bluntly. Pouting, he held up his hand in the high five position. "Sorry five?"

JD let Todd apologize in his unique way. Feeling the slap to his hand, he looked at his other hand, still clasped in Todd's. He smiled at it, watching and feeling his hand being squeezed.

"JD, I've developed some weird feelings for you." Todd confessed, his eyes turning as serious as JD had ever seen them. "It's like, I want to do you but instead of feeling it in my dong, I feel it here." He motioned to his chest.

"Okay then." It had to be the weirdest crush revelation JD had ever heard. He couldn't help but cut Todd some slack about it though, as the surgeon never did seem one for showing too much.

Todd took a deep breath, trying to get a bit deeper into his feelings. It wasn't just about sex this time. It was always much deeper when it came to JD. "When you're around I get all warm and fuzzy. It's kind of nice; more than nice. It's awesome!" He looked down at JD's hand, bringing it to his cheek briefly before continuing to just hold it. "But when you're not around, The Todd goes crazy."

JD felt his hand pulsating in Todd's grip as the other man's words hit him. "Are you trying to say that you like me?" JD swallowed a gulp of air, feeling his neck start to sweat and leg twitch rapidly.

"Now I know that both of us players have other people we're hooking up with but maybe, if you just think about it for a few days, I could have you all to myself." Todd was shuffling, which was odd considering his usual confidence. JD couldn't help but find it sort of cute.

Before JD could reply, a whistle rang out through the air. JD pulled his hand from Todd's and turned around to find Perry walking to him, Carla at his side. His heart pounded, but it was obvious they hadn't seen anything and he calmed down. However he could still feel Todd's stare on the back of his neck.

"Bambi we could use your help with this patient." Carla motioned for him to follow them.

Todd stood up from the table as JD did. "Just think about what I said. Get back to me in a week or so. Later JD."

JD watched as once again Todd and Perry were right in front of him. One going off in one direction to get a soda, the other walking out the cafeteria doors. Grabbing his journal, JD waved to Todd before running off after Perry.

* * *

**NOTE: **So I snuck a chapter in before the new year :-) Trying to get the story going. For those who haven't voted, there is a poll in my profile regarding this story and I would totally appreciate your opinions/predictions. Read it! Review it! Enjoy it! Happy festive season whatever you celebrate!


	7. Chapter 7

**NOTE:** Hey new/regular readers :D This is just a reminder to VOTE on the profile poll, I'll totally appreciate it if you do. I just like to know what ya'll are thinking. The results are interesting so far, but who knows how they'll change if a few more cast their opinions. Anyway, enjoy this new chapter and reviews are always nice!

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**Chapter 7**

Perry sat in his office, catching up on some paperwork. The week had been quite a hectic one, which had its good and bad points. He hadn't been able to get too much time off to spend with his family. Still he'd also been too distracted to over think the situation with JD.

The door to his office opened and singing filled the small room. "It's been one week since you looked at me, cocked your head to the side and said I'm angry..."

Perry looked up towards the sound, seeing JD enter his office. It was their first meeting alone since that morning at JD's apartment. Everything he had successfully blocked out with work and scotch now came back to him. What surprised him was that JD didn't seem upset or indifferent at all.

"What are you doing here, Newbie?"

JD jumped on Perry's desk, his mood cheerful. "How come we've never fooled around in here? Doesn't this seem like a much better place than the roof?"

Perry gulped, feeling JD tease his hand with his fingertips. "What's your point?"

JD grinned widely, ignoring Perry's brush-off attempts. "What I was singing. It's been one week since we've been alone together. Except with patients and that's work and stuff. I know you've been busy, but I just thought I'd see how you were Per Per."

"You know why I've avoided you JD." Perry's eyes darted downward and he pulled his hand away. "Come on, not here."

JD tilted Perry's face up and his face turned serious. "I forgive you. It's okay. I understand that it's just about sex and nothing more."

Perry let out a chuckle and shook his head. "JD, you're lying."

"No I'm not." JD replied too quickly, and darted his eyes from side to side; the number one give away that he was in fact lying. He just didn't want things to be awkward between the couple any more.

Perry stood up from his desk and paced the room. "JD I know you're lying, because I'm lying. My feelings for you are too strong."

JD watched as Perry kept walking back and forth. An awkward silence filled the room. The thoughts flowing through both men's minds made the silence seem almost deafening. Questions wanting to be asked, feelings wanting to be expressed, yet neither wanted to be the one that dared go first.

"Where do we go from here?" JD shyly spoke up, flashing his doe-eyes at Perry.

Perry walked over to his desk, standing in front of his secret lover. "I don't know, JD."

JD stood up and grabbed Perry's hands, looking at him with a smile. Trying to stop himself, Perry found that his lips were involutarily puckering. Slowly but surely, he moved his face closer until he seized JD's lips. Running his hands through JD's hair, Perry relished at feeling the smooth, silky strands through his fingers.

Breaking apart and throwing his arms up in the air, Perry cried out in frustration. "This is just insane. We can't do this again."

"Why not, it was feeling good with the kissing and that perfect amount of tongue." JD stood in the middle of the office, his eyes pleading to get back to the endearments.

"You do not understand." Perry turned around, looking at JD with absolute and intense seriousness. "You drive me absolutely insane. Crazy. Cuckoo. I can't think whenever I'm around you."

"You really do have strong feelings for me." JD blushed, wrapping his arms around Perry's waist. "I knew it."

Perry cupped JD's face, taking it in for a moment. "I can't risk hurting you again. I'm supposed to help people, especially the one's I care about. Now here I am hurting you all."

"Perry, you made me a promise." JD replied, kissing Perry's thumb as it grazed his cheek. "You promised me you'd never hurt me again. I believe you."

"It's not that easy, JD." Perry started, but JD hushed him by pressing their lips together. Just as he had always done, just as he was afraid of, Perry lost all control and gave into the kiss.

"It is that easy Per Per. Come on." JD moved Perry's hand, forcing it down the back of his scrubs pants. Flashing that cheeky and suggestive smile that he knew Perry couldn't resist.

Perry gripped JD's ass with a purpose. Grunting, he forced the younger man into a rough, yet passionate kiss. JD pulled Perry onto the huge desk, groaning as the pair of mighty hands gripped him. Perry pinned JD down hard, forcing him onto the wood.

However instead of the moan of pleasure Perry expected to hear, JD winced in pain. Worrying that he may have grabbed JD too hard, Perry removed his hands from underneath JD's clothes. Stroking his lover's face, Perry swallowed a gulp as he worried. He looked at JD questioningly, wanting to get back to playing.

"It's okay." JD whispered, lifting up his scrubs and rubbing his side slightly.

Perry looked at the small but noticeable discolourations on JD's skin. Turning away, his breathing became heavy. It was obvious, even if JD didn't say it, that he was the one that had caused those bruises. All his previous attacks on JD came flooding back. All the seemingly harmless times he pushed JD away, then the most recent and very violent attack. What Perry had percieved as firm reminders, which had really been hurting JD more.

"Perry, what's wrong?" JD had appeared in front of Perry. "Come on baby."

"I think you should go. I'm sorry." Perry turned away again, feeling a little quesy and conflicted. "Why didn't you tell me I did that to you?"

"It's nothing, I forgive you." JD traced his fingertips down Perry's back. "They're getting better and smaller every day, we just can't get too feisty is all."

"JD I can't forgive myself right now." Perry stared out the window, not daring to look at his abused lover. "Just wait until you're better, okay. I said I wouldn't hurt you, so I'm not going to. Not even by accident."

After a few moments, he heard JD walk out the door. Perry sat back down at his desk, straightening up the rustled paperwork. The abuse at his hand that he had successfully brushed off was now the main feature of his conscious mind. No longer could he ignore the fact that he had actually hurt someone he may just be falling in love with. In annoyance, Perry aggressively sweeped the contents off his desk, causing papers to fly.

"Why me!?"

* * *

Todd was walking down the hallways, having finished his shift. Strutting towards the entrance, his mood brightened as he spotted his crush also about to exit the hospital. Figuring he'd been patient enough, Todd decided to confront the other man.

"JD, wait up!" He cried out, catching up to JD before he could leave. "You're off now too I see."

"Yeah, I'm just going home." JD felt the butterflies in his stomach go nuts as Todd continued to follow him. "How have you been Todd?" JD hoped to avoid the subject of feelings being brought up.

"Doing well, though I've been wondering." Once they were out in the parking lot, Todd grabbed JD's hand with surprising gentleness. "Have you thought about what I said?"

JD found the courage to look up in those dark brown eyes. He didn't want to tell Todd that he hadn't made a decision regarding the two of them. All he knew was that he didn't want to give up on Perry just yet. After their moment earlier that day, JD figured Perry needed him. This meant he couldn't fulfil Todd's wish to be exclusive, even though he did like the surgeon a lot. The silence said it all for him and a pang of guilt shot his chest.

"It's okay." Todd seemed surprisingly happy and calm by the news. A smile donned his face. "The Todd is going to take you on a date."

JD felt indifferent and confused by the offer. He hadn't been on a real date for awhile, as Perry would never break their secrecy in such a way. A part of his mind felt paranoid at the mere thought. "I don't know Todd."

"Come on, it will help you make your decision." Todd stated then having an idea, he grabbed JD around the waist. "We'll make it a private affair. The Todd will cook for you. My place, come on."

JD couldn't resist the smile, nor could he really argue with Todd's logic. Plus he wasn't really in the mood to cook that night. Nodding to the other man, JD agreed on the date. "Sure, why not?" His worries were soon replaced by excitement.

"Awesome!" Todd led JD over to his car by the hand. Pressing JD against the passenger side door, he whispered to him. "Come on, kiss me."

Spotting Perry stepping out of the hospital doors, JD's eyes widened. He opened the door, ducking quickly into the car and out of sight. "Wait until we get back to your place."

"Private one, are we? Nice!" Todd went over to his side, hopping in the driver's seat.

JD sat nervously as they drove out of the parking lot. He saw out the window, Perry getting into his Porsche. At that moment he couldn't help but feel his date with Todd wasn't such a good idea. His tense posture had not gone unnoticed. Soon after, he began to calm down as unnatural warmth spread throughout his body. Snapping to attention, JD realised that Todd was touching his thigh.

"Don't be so nervous. Relax." Todd squeezed JD before removing his hand for a brief moment to put on a CD.

JD recognised the music immediately, letting out an excited yelp. "You like Journey too?!" Suddenly any doubts about Todd just disappeared from his mind and he mentally decided to give the date a fair chance.

"Journey are awesome."

JD started singing along with the music, as he couldn't resist. "We sailed on together, we drifted apart, and here you are by my side..." Noticing Todd eyeing him, JD shied and mentally slapped himself for acting like such a teenage girl.

Todd pulled the car over to the side of the road. "Why did you stop?"

JD was about to answer, but his look became confused. "This isn't your building."

"I know, you just looked so sexy singing along." Todd leaned over and forced a hungry kiss on his companion's mouth, which JD gladly responded too. The kiss soon deepened into an amazing and intense moment. Things started heating up between them and Todd craved more body contact. "Want to take this to the backseat?"

A part of JD wanted to, but for some reason he couldn't. He didn't want to mislead Todd, making him believe he was the only one. Managing to hide his true thoughts, JD playfully pushed Todd back. "You promised me a nice dinner. By the way, I didn't know you could cook."

"The Todd is good at many things." He started up the car again. His short attention span seeming to override his libido for the moment. Still craving contact with JD, Todd resumed the thigh stroking. In the back of his mind, he hoped he was making a good impression.

* * *

JD hadn't been to Todd's apartment too many times over the years, but it still felt familiar and safe. The atmosphere still had that sexy feel to it; fuelled by some strategic mood lighting Todd had set up via a dimmer switch. JD was relieved that Todd wasn't insisting on him "hammocking-up" this time, which seemed to be the only noticeable change about the bachelor pad. As the date was getting started, with him mainly talking to Todd through the kitchen door while he prepared their meal, JD relaxed even more. The smell wafting through the air made him even more willing to really get the date underway.

"Here we go, Honey Soy Chicken a la Todd." Todd placed the plate down in front of JD before refilling his companion's wine glass. "Hope I didn't take to long. You like the wine?"

"Yeah, it's good." JD replied, sipping his second glass with a playful smile. "Are you trying to get me drunk?"

Todd sat down with him. "Why, will I need to?" He grinned back, trailing his fingers down JD's arm.

"Well I do get a little handsy after a few, so beware."

Todd leaned in close, placing his hand over JD's. He whispered softly, so JD had to move closer to hear. "Then maybe getting you drunk is a good idea."

JD looked at the appetising dinner in front of him. Just the smell of it was begging him to taste the meal. Gingerly he cut the chicken and took a bite. His pallet hadn't tasted such flavour in a long time.

"Looks like you're enjoying my masterpiece." Todd admired his date, feeling flattered that he had scored points with the food.

"This is really great." JD explained after swallowing another mouthful of chicken. "Where did you learn to do all this?"

"Quickest way to a person's heart and occasionally a person's pants. It's not like I had too much choice." Todd replied, leaning over and pecking JD on the lips. "Besides, it appears to be impressing you so far."

Their eye contact remained for a little bit. The mood became even more romantic purely from that moment. JD blushed as Todd stared at him in such a way. He always felt sexy when it happened. Todd seemed to have a unique way of looking at people.

Deciding to get some conversation flowing, JD thought back. "If I remember correctly, you're a fan of Harry Potter."

Todd seemed a little embarrassed, as his mucho façade was breaking down. Though he found that when he looked at JD, none of it mattered. "Dude, Harry Potter is brilliant. When the new movie comes out, we should totally go together."

"Only if we can dress up in wizard costumes!" JD couldn't help but compliment himself mentally. "So what else are you into?"

The conversation flowed freely as the two finished their dinner. JD found out about Todd's secret love of musical theatre, plus how he wanted to go to theatre camp but his dad wouldn't let him. JD confessed a bunch of his secret likes, which Todd laughed off in understanding rather than mocking. Over time, both of them just grew so comfortable with each other talking of work and memories. Laughter was shared across the table as both confessed that they loved to dance around to 80's music in their living rooms, or in Todd's case wherever it played.

Todd poured himself the last of the wine. "You seem to be enjoying yourself then." He scooted his chair, closer to JD's. Placing his hand lightly on the other man's shoulder, Todd smiled. "I'm really glad you came tonight."

"So am I." JD felt Todd pull him up from the table. He went along with it, standing up and surrendering into a nice embrace.

"You're not too cold are you? You appear to be shivering." Todd observed, pressing his forehead to JD's.

"No I'm fine." JD slid his arms tighter around Todd. "It happens sometimes when you touch me." He tried to control his tingling and quivering, but with the few glasses of wine and the feelings that were buzzing around vigorously, his body didn't want to co-operate.

"Good to know The Todd has that effect on you."

JD moved in for a kiss but to his surprise, his date moved back. JD was a little confused until he felt Todd stroke his cheek. He realised that Todd was taking him in, admiring his features and savouring their time. All Todd wanted was just to look at him at that moment. After a fleeting moment of surprise, JD felt his heart melt slightly and everything else faded away. He drifted off in his mind, to thoughts of him and Todd. The possible future they could have together.

"Todd. Todd. Todd." JD whispered to himself.

"Off in your little fantasy world again." Todd rolled his eyes, before grinning. "You know it would be annoying if you didn't look so cute."

"Why can't you be like this all the time?" JD felt a blush creep onto his cheeks and the corners of his mouth curl up in a smile as they stood there. "It's just nice to see you like this."

"Player has a reputation to protect." Todd replied, leaning even closer to JD so he could whisper. "But I suppose The Todd could give it all up for you."

Finally, he allowed JD to kiss him. A deep and passionate kiss, in which time seemed to stand still. Absorbed in each other, the two moved themselves to the comfortable couch. Continuing to kiss, caress and live in the moment. JD slowly pressed against Todd, hinting for him to lie down. Todd obliged, pulling the other man on top of him.

JD gritted a little, due to slight pressure on his bruises but soon relaxed into Todd's arms. "I like being on top."

"You really do get handsy after a few. Nice!"

JD grabbed Todd's t-shirt, pulled it over his head and threw it aside. Moving down, he inhaled the scent of Todd's cologne. Admiring as his body appeared to glisten slightly. Trailing kisses up the chiselled physique until he met Todd's mouth again.

Todd pulled back with a suggestive look and smile. "I think it's easy to see who the better choice is now, huh JD." Todd raised his eyebrows as something else began to rise. "The things I'm going to do to you." He tugged at the bottom of JD's shirt, trying to remove it.

JD pulled back from Todd in slight shock. Partly because he didn't want Todd discovering his bruises and asking questions, but also because that one sentence had thrown him off. He had managed to forget about Perry the whole date, but suddenly as JD felt Todd's shirtless body, guilt filled him. He remembered Perry confessing strong feelings that afternoon, unable to bring himself out of the memory and back into the moment.

"JD, what's going on?" Todd rubbed JD's back softly, trying to coax him back down on the couch.

Shuffling away from Todd, JD sighed regretfully. "Look I don't think I can do this tonight."

"We were having such a great time." Todd appeared more confused than usual. "Was it something I said?"

JD shook his head, though his mind was screaming the opposite. "No it's nothing you said, I'm just not in the mood. I have an early shift tomorrow, I better go."

Todd tilted JD's face to meet his. "By the look of your penis, you're more than in the mood." He slid his hand towards JD's crotch, attempting to sneak it in his pants.

Standing up, JD snapped. "Todd, stop it!" He felt like he was cheating, even though it was a ridiculous thought. "I have to go, thanks for dinner." He walked towards the door, not counting on the fact that Todd was faster.

"Come on, JD." Todd blocked him from leaving. "You know we should totally be having sex right now. We like each other."

"Is it just about sex with you Todd? Is that all you want from me?" JD asked him seriously, his voice louder than intended. "I know you said you like me, but I have to know." He knew the answer to the question, but a part of him hoped that Todd just wanted sex like he always implied. The confusion and feelings were getting too much for him. JD didn't want to be a cheater, misleading either of his partners about feelings. He had to pick just one, for his own sanity.

"JD, you know I care about you." Todd hugged JD, pressing their bodies together gently so their two hearts beat against each other. "Come on and stay. We can talk, watch a DVD and listen to some music. Maybe kiss some more."

As hugs always weakened him, JD returned the affection. Still, he couldn't be near Todd anymore with such temptation in the air. He knew he had to clear his mind and make a firm decision before anything happened between them. "Listen, I have to think about things." He managed to get passed Todd and slip out the door.

Todd leaned against the door trying to fathom what happened. He couldn't understand why he couldn't just laugh it off like the other times. He didn't know why JD went back to someone else, when he offered something romantic, protective yet kinky. Still able to smell JD on himself, Todd had never felt so tortured with another person. Feelings were rising in him, much bigger than the simple crush he thought he had.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

It had been a few days since Perry had felt JD's touch on his body or his lips on his. They had been missing chances to be alone at the hospital. He had tried to work up the courage to organise a roof get together for them both, but even in the one moment of free time he had he just couldn't do it. Sure he would look at those beautiful doe-eyes knowing he was forgiven and that JD wanted him to move on, but it still plagued him. The absence had made everything much worse. He craved JD more than usual. What he wouldn't give to hear JD moan his name or place a hand anywhere on his bare skin.

He loved JD and wanted to give him the world, knowing that he would take it. At the same time Perry knew he could never provide it, or admit it for that matter. The conflict made him angry and crazy, but depressed more than anything. Even denial sex with Jordan wasn't providing the fix that it used to. The tormenting thoughts of JD and the feelings towards him would return.

Sitting on his couch, drinking scotch he watched his kids play on the floor. The two kids he had with the woman he was lying to. As he continued watching, he knew he was lying to them too. Jack hopped up from the floor and ran over to his dad. Jumping up on the couch he gave Perry a hug.

"I love you Daddy." Jack said, looking up and smiling. "Even though you drink a lot."

"That's great there kid." Perry patted his son on the head. "Let me tell you something about love though, it sucks. It will warp your mind until you can't see straight anymore and life as you know it will spiral out of control."

"Please the kid is already screwed up enough. Don't be giving him love sucks speeches. He can learn that from watching us." Jordan joined him on the couch, ushering Jack away. "Go play with your sister, Daddy and Mommy want grown up time."

"Mommy and Daddy are going to kiss" Jack made a face before running back to Jennifer Dylan and playing with the toys on the floor.

"Don't get any ideas now." Jordan saw Perry was about to kiss her. "I could use some of that scotch, though."

"Don't take that away from me Jordan, you can't possibly need it as much as I do." Perry begged, downing the last of his glass.

"I'm with you, aren't I? I haven't been out in weeks. You're always so busy and you've been getting way too handsy for my liking." Jordan explained, going to fill her own glass with a drink.

As Perry listened to Jordan go on about her week, he desperately wanted to tell her about JD. He knew it was crazy and that the words would never escape his mouth, but the part of his conscience still unaffected by alcohol was begging him to confess. Everything was all stuffed up in his head, with no way of getting out. So he decided on the next best thing: distraction.

"Let's get out of here then. We can drop the kids at that guy's place. You know the one that smells like cheese." Perry stood up, willing to do something since it was clear Jordan wasn't going to have sex so he could forget.

"Oh yeah, the guy with the cheese." Jordan replied, thinking back. "Not very good in bed, but the kids seem to like him. Okay we'll drop them off now."

On the way to the bar, Perry couldn't help but find himself excited. Even though it was pretty much just drinking away from the house, as opposed to on the couch, it was something. Plus Jordan seemed happy and with any luck would toss him an appreciation throw down later. At the very least he could still drink the night away and forget his troubles until tomorrow.

* * *

In the bar, Perry spotted a free table immediately. Jordan ran over before two blonde girls could sit down. Making a quip about them being too slow and slutty, she ordered Perry to get her a cosmopolitan. Walking up to the bar, Perry let himself get lost in the atmosphere for a moment.

"Cosmopolitan and a scotch please." Perry told the bartender. Looking around, his face turned to shock as he noticed the man drinking an appletini at the end of the bar. His eyes met JD's briefly and they just stared at each other.

"Hey Dr Cox, how's it going." From next to JD, Turk was waving. Perry was relieved to find that JD wasn't alone and that, despite his presence, temptation wouldn't rear it's ugly head.

Perry waved them off, quickly collecting his drinks so he could go back to his table. However, his enjoyment once again sunk when he spotted a random collage guy in his seat. Walking up to the table, Perry looked at Jordan for an explanation, setting her drink down next to one she already had.

"Mikey here went and got me a drink a little quicker so I'm going to sit with him." Jordan smiled wickedly at her partner. "How about you go and mingle Per?" She laughed at the thought of Perry being social before turning back to her new friend.

Defeated, Perry went to the bar and took up one of the stools. He drank his scotch, making sure not to make eye contact with JD or Jordan. He felt a presence beside him, knowing from the scent of his cologne and natural musk who it was. The scent he knew all too well, bringing up the feelings he couldn't kill.

"So help me god if you don't leave right now I'm going to lose it."

JD didn't sit down, instead he just simply whispered. "Meet me in the bathroom."

"I don't think so." Perry replied, actually turning to look at JD when he said it, hoping this action got his point across. "Not now."

"Then when?" JD moved closer. So close to his ear, that Perry could smell the apples on JD's breath as he spoke softly. "Please, come on Perry. It's fate that we're both here tonight. I just want to kiss you right here. I'm tipsy enough that I just might"

Swallowing his anger in order to prevent himself from smacking sense into JD, Perry growled. "Jordan is right over there. Do not do this now JD. Just leave this alone."

"You have to pee sometime." JD grinned, brushing Perry's thigh ever so slowly and gently with his fingertips.

Perry tried to control his composure and not let JD know how that one single action sent a flurry of jolts through his system. It didn't matter, because by the look on his face JD could see right through him. Giving a wink, JD continued sipping his appletini and slinked away.

Perry spent the next hour alone. The last fifteen minutes of that was spent trying desperately hard not to pee. He knew he would have to get up and that the moment he did JD would pounce on the opportunity. Heck, it was taking every ounce of strength for _him_ not to pin JD down on the pool table and take him right there. If he let his bladder win, they would meet up in the bathroom and both would not even try to resist.

Briefly glancing at Jordan's table, only to catch her showing off for his benefit, he shook his head. He hated that she was doing that. Jordan's flirtatious and teasing behaviour just made him more frustrated than ever. If he sat with her then JD would never have dared put the idea in his head. Unfortunately, there was nothing and no-one to distract him now that it was. Looking around he couldn't see JD or Turk anywhere and figured they must have left. Relieved and desperate for the toilet, Perry escaped to the men's room.

"What did I tell you?" JD waltzed in a few seconds after him.

"Please just go." Perry groaned and went into one of the stalls to avoid JD. "Remember what happened last time you tried to sneak a kiss in the bathroom."

JD stood outside waiting. "Come on, just one little kiss." He looked around making sure no-one was in the bathroom to hear it. "I've missed you. Been a little confused these last few days, but I choose you." Tapping on the stall, JD smiled. "I chose you, Perry because I know you need me."

Perry had no idea what JD meant, nor did he care. All that mattered was getting out without giving in. When Perry finished and opened his stall door, JD used the opportunity to slip in before he could exit. Without wasting a moment, a reasonably drunk JD kissed Perry's face. Due to Perry trying to avoid his lips he missed a few times before hitting his target.

"Jordan is right outside, not to mention Gandhi. Neither of which has any trouble walking in to a men's bathroom. JD, stop this right now." Perry told him sternly, gripping his shoulders, though the look on his face said he clearly wanted nothing more than to surrender.

"Or what?" JD asked, leaning closer. "You promised you wouldn't hurt me any more."

"You're right, but I won't hurt Jordan either." Perry could smell the apples again, feeling the motion in his boxers. "Don't make this harder than it already is. You know how out of control I get when I'm around you. I don't want to hurt you. Tomorrow, okay?"

JD moved even closer, tracing the waist of Perry's jeans. "Nobody has to know. Nobody will ever know. I promise."

Perry could feel the brushing against his bare skin. "Please, JD." He shuddered as he felt the hand smoothly slide to his lower back and rest there warmly.

"I've missed you." JD pulled Perry into a passionate and hungry kiss, which was returned straight away as Perry let go of his control.

Perry pinned JD to the stall wall, causing his shirt to ride up and reveal his body. The skin was that perfectly pale colour, all healed and soft as ever. Now with nothing holding him back, Perry smiled. "JD you drive me crazy. You're a manipulative one I'll give you that."

"Shut up and kiss me." JD said with his drunken bossy tone, continuing to make out with Perry.

"JD. JD. JD" Perry growled as he allowed his hands to venture inside JD's pants. He felt the cock against his fingertips before fisting it desperately.

"Perry. Perry. Perry." JD moaned as Perry favoured his goods with a skilful hand.

Their bodies pressed against each other, bumping the walls and the door of the stall. Making out so passionately and hungrily like they were going to devour each other. Oblivious to the fact that someone could hear them, yet excited at the prospect of being caught. Making up for the lost time and the time they would never have together. Perry's fist pumping JD's cock so rhythmically. Making the younger man quiver and grunt in pleasure as his thumb teased the dick head.

JD came with a force so hard, he nearly passed out. Perry held him up, stroking his face and making sure he was okay. They pressed their foreheads together, taking in each other's scents, eyes and the general feeling of such a moment. Wrapping his arms around JD, Perry pulled him right up to his body. They held each other, savouring the contact until they knew they had to let go. One last kiss was shared between them.

"I knew I'd end up with you." JD sighed into Perry's shoulder, relishing the rewards of his decision.

"We better go, they'll suspect something." Perry listened out for anyone. "I don't think anyone's there but just in case wait a few minutes before following me out." Perry opened the stall door slowly and slipped out only to be shocked when he realised they weren't alone after all.

"JD, come out of the stall." Turk said, still looking at Perry with a somewhat angry look on his face.

Knowing they'd been caught, JD nervously came out of the stall. Seeing his best friend staring at him with accusing eyes, JD's mind screamed. "Oh shit. How much did you hear?"

"I heard you moaning each other's names. I didn't want to know the rest but my imagination filled me in. Lucky no-one else caught you. By the way Dr Cox, Jordan is still out there waiting for you by herself. Don't worry I'm not going to tell her" Turk threw his arms up in the air in frustration. "I just can't believe this."

"I told you, we couldn't tell anyone." JD walked over to his best friend, touching his shoulder in compassion. "You know I wanted to."

"See JD it's not even about you not telling me." Turk explained, eyeing the reflections of the two lovers in the mirror. "It's not about you liking guys. It's not about any of that."

Feeling a little angry himself, JD shot back. "Then why don't you tell me what it is about then?"

Turk shook his head. "You just don't get it do you. Maybe you should take a look out by the pool table." He left the bathroom before JD could say anything more.

Perry's mind went black and his temprature rose back up. However, not in the way it had minutes before. "Shit. Holy shit!" Perry shouted, bashing the sink and gripping it until his knuckles turned white. Nothing was certain any more, which scared and angered Perry more than anything ever could. It was all JD's fault!

"He said he wouldn't tell Jordan. It's okay, baby." JD held Perry gently from behind, rubbing circles into his back. "It's going to be okay my Perry."

"Get off me!" Perry threw JD to the floor. "Gandhi is right. You don't fucking get it at all do you?"

"Perry, don't." JD cowered, closing his eyes and hoping Perry didn't hit him,

"You're not even worth it anymore JD." Perry replied in a tone so harsh it shot through JD's heart. "No more of this. Whatever you call our sick little get togethers, it's done. We are through."

A powerful shock came over JD. So powerful he could have sworn he died for a few seconds. "No, please don't say that." Tears came to JD's eyes as he stood up. "We just had such a good time. It doesn't have to end. Don't break us, please." In a last desperate attempt, JD fell onto Perry and brushed his lips against the older man's.

Perry roughly shoved him back. JD hit one of the sinks and cried out in pain. Too angry to feel even remotely guilty, Perry glared at him "Stay away from me. From now on, if I'm in a room you're nowhere near it."

The tears were falling down JD's face now. "Perry, please. Ouch my side. I swear I'll control it. Roof or nothing, okay just like we said. Don't go, please don't go." JD held his side, while stopping Perry walking out the door by grabbing him around the waist. "I love you."

"JD, GET OFF!" Perry snapped, unable to stop himself. He watched as his companion fell to the ground again, due to his violent hand. "You've ruined my life!" He dived on JD and held him down, punching whatever he could hit. "If you ever touch me again..." He stood up and aimed a few hard kicks at JD until some part of his conscience managed to stop him.

"Perry..." JD managed to choke out weakly, looking up with pleading eyes.

Bending down, Perry looked JD firmly in the eyes. "You're never to tell anyone of this, understand?" Walking out of the bathroom, Perry hoped that he could just go home.

JD managed to crawl to the wall of the bathroom and prop himself up. Reaching up and grabbing some paper hand towels, he wiped his eyes. A pointless task as more tears just kept coming anyway. His best friend was mad at him. The man he loved broke his promise before leaving for good. Searing pain was ripping through his body. Feeling lost, JD knew that he had no-one to turn to. He had never felt so alone.

The walls of the bathroom began to close around him. JD found himself unable to breathe. Crawling towards a stall, he began to hyperventilate as the reality gripped him. Realising that he had entered the stall where just minutes ago he and Perry were in a passionate embrace, JD threw up. As he grabbed some toilet paper in order to wipe his eyes and mouth, JD felt himself become groggy.

He heard someone enter the bathroom. Turning from his stall door, he hoped they wouldn't notice him. His eyes grew heavy to the point where he just couldn't keep them open anymore. Coughing and groaning, JD leaned his head on the toilet should the need to be sick arise again.

"JD? JD are you okay?" He could hear the person calling to him, but he couldn't see them.

JD managed to weakly swat the air in front of him, knowing that he looked a mess for whoever it was. The voice kept talking to him, but JD could only make out a little of what was being said. He felt an arm around his shoulders.

"It's okay. Come on."

JD didn't have the strength to protest. A part of him didn't really want to. Either the person was there to help him or kill him. He didn't care which one because in his low state he knew that either was a favourable option. Feeling himself being carried off, JD passed out and awaited whatever was to happen.

* * *

**NOTE:** Awwww. He made a decision, but things still didn't go his way. What will happen next? Only I know for now, but you'll know very soon. Thanks for the alerts/reviews/poll votes, they're all much appreciated. I mean, knowing that you like the story encourages me to keep writing it. *hands out tissues to emotional readers* until next time.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

JD woke up with a start. Bringing himself to a sitting position, he grabbed his head as a hangover kicked in. As he looked around he recognised his surroundings as the bedroom of his own apartment. JD lay back down due to his headache and tried to remember how he got home.

The bathroom at the bar, he remembered being in the stall, knocked down from a combination of a few drinks and Perry's outburst. He recalled being carried away before waking up briefly in a cab. Trying to remember who was with him, JD drew a blank. All he knew was that an arm remained wrapped around his shoulder. A warm and safe arm, making sure he was protected. He drew a blank again, only getting a vague picture of someone putting him in bed and taking his shoes off before slipping a blanket over him. Whoever it was had tried to hold his hand while he whimpered, but JD had sent them away so he could despair alone.

Before he could go through a list in his mind, JD's eyes opened wide at the realisation that he had work. Wondering what else could go wrong, JD let out a frustrated cry. Turning towards his clock to see just how late he was, he simultaneously tried thinking of an excuse. However, the glowing numbers had been covered up with a small post-it note. JD grabbed it and read in curiosity.

_Got your shift covered so you could hang out at home. Feel better._

At reading the note, JD realised that whoever brought him home had spent the night. Seeing he was still fully clothed he deducted that no funny business went on. It was then that he noticed one of his dining chairs sitting next to his bed. Whoever it was must have been watching over him at some point while he slept. He didn't know whether to be grateful or freaked out at this.

His head and midsection throbbing, JD decided to get some tablets in order to think better. Slowly he made his way out of bed towards his kitchen and looked for any signs of who his "rescuer" had been. Noticing a sheet and pillow on the couch, JD knew they must have fallen asleep there after making sure he was alright.

After having some asprin and water, JD ran the mental list through his mind. Automatically his first thought was Perry; really his only thought was Perry. While the rational side of his brain knew that it probably wasn't, the emotional side hoped it was. JD allowed himself to drift into the possibility.

He fantasised about Perry having second thoughts and coming back to the bathroom to say that he had told Jordan everything. Both of them realising that they couldn't live without each other. For a moment, JD almost believed that it all happened. That Perry had come back and confessed that he loved him and always had. Reality soon kicked in, however.

Staring at the couch, tears came to JD's eyes. He sauntered back to his bedroom and flopped back down on his bed. Burying his head in his pillow, JD let his tears fall. His body pained sharply from bruises having been formed from the night before. The emotional agony was worse so JD almost felt grateful for the physical pain.

Glancing at the clock a little later, he saw it was lunchtime. His stomach growled to cement that fact. He was a little better from the asprin, but still wasn't up to moving around due to depression. JD felt drowsy and was beginning to drift off to sleep again.

However, he snapped to alert when he heard the front door of his apartment open. Confused, JD wondered who was in his house at this time. Turk, Carla and Elliot were the only ones with emergency keys. Everyone he knew was working that day. JD could hear humming coming from his living room, fearing the worst.

He knew that he could never fight off a robber in his condition, particularly if they had weapons. Taking the coward's way out, JD pretended to be asleep. Hoping that the intruder would leave without taking his cable box and wondering how life could possibly get any worse.

The humming got closer and louder. JD squeezed his eyes shut as he heard his bedroom door open. A pleasant aroma of freshly baked bread filled the room. A confused half smile came to JD's face and he almost considered getting up. However, he managed to convince himself to stay still and quiet.

"JD, I've brought you some lunch. Oh, I guess you're still asleep."

JD's heart skipped a beat when he recognised the voice immediately as Todd's. He opened his eyes a fraction, seeing the surgeon place a plate holding a nice sub sandwich on the bedside table and sit down on the dining chair still in the room. Todd unwrapped a meatball sub, making a hungry face before biting into it.

"You look cute when you sleep." Todd mumbled with his mouth half full, though JD understood every word. "You're starting to look better. Not as bummed as you were last night. Dude, how much did you have to drink?"

JD wanted to speak up, but didn't know what to say. The truth was that JD had simply ignored Todd since their date. It was the easy way out of the dilemma. Out of sight, out of mind while he tried to patch things up with Perry. Feeling a lump in his throat at the mistake, JD wanted to cry again.

"Seeing you upset made me mad. Hugging you in the cab made me happy though. We hadn't touched since our date. Actually I've barely seen you this week." Todd smiled at JD, taking a bite of his sandwich and swallowing. "I wanted to sleep with you. In the same bed, I mean. Though I have to admit, doing you crossed my mind; especially when you were getting a little handsy."

JD managed to weakly roll over so that he faced the ceiling. Another sweet moment ruined by sexual innuendo, he thought to himself. Then he heard Todd sigh and want to continue. JD gave him the benefit of listening to the rest.

"I wouldn't do that to you drunk though. I respect you too much…The Todd likes you too much. Plus you told me to get out. I understand, you didn't want to be seen all upset." Todd continued. He ran his hand through his hair, letting his guard down. "Even right now, I just want to touch you. Hold you for awhile or something, but you're asleep and I know you wanted to think about things. It's better when you're awake, then you can hold me back."

JD turned back to Todd slightly. He could hear the other man chewing away on his lunch. Still feeling Todd's eyes watching him, JD wondered how long he was going to stay. He wasn't quite sure whether he wanted the other man to leave or not, his mind was torn.

"I guess I'll be going now. I'll leave your lunch there in case you wake up." Todd said, seeming a little sad as he said it. "Oh yeah, I left your keys on the kitchen table. I took them by accident this morning."

JD felt his arm tingle. Opening his eyes a fraction once again, he could see Todd had moved to a kneeling position beside the bed. His hand was mere inches from JD's body. JD noticed the look in Todd's eyes. The surgeon wanted to touch him, stroke him, hold him but his growing respect and love wouldn't let him.

"If I can't touch you, maybe I can just air fondle you for a bit." Todd shut his eyes, allowing his hand to pass through the air above JD's arm.

JD could feel the energy and heat spreading throughout his body. His breathing became a little quivery as Todd's hands were so close; driving him nuts yet not touching him at all. JD didn't even have to see them to feel where they were. Down his arms, trailing across his thighs, over his knees to his feet. Then the buzz of feelings brought all the way back up, causing his butt to tingle like crazy as a hand appeared to linger there a little longer. A soft, shaky sigh escaped his mouth as he knew Todd was passing over his back. JD managed to control himself as Todd ventured to the region of his neck. It was insane the amount he wanted to be touched.

"Okay, I want to kiss you right now. I really, really want to kiss you." Todd cried out, standing up with his hands on his hips, letting out a frustrated groan. "Maybe one little kiss? No I better go. I may come over later, just to check up on you. Maybe then you'll be awake."

JD debated about whether or not to stop Todd and reveal that he had been awake the whole time. Deciding against it, he waited until Todd left. He let the rushes of warm tingles calm down before grabbing the sandwich from the bedside table. Looking at it, he saw that it was corned beef. A smile formed on his face.

Biting the sandwich quickly and gratefully, JD fantasised about Todd. He knew he couldn't go back and fix their date and not choose Perry but it didn't change the fact that Todd was in his mind again. Though at the same time JD couldn't help but feel that he didn't deserve Todd's kindness. The man liked him and he ignored it for his own selfish game; all because Perry was with him first.

Looking at the last of the sandwich Todd had brought him, JD put it aside. "You deserve so much better then me."

* * *

By the evening, JD had moved from his bed to the couch. The sheet which he knew Todd had slept in being held in his arms. He stroked it, smelling it to catch the scent of the man who had been so wonderful to him. It also helped to wipe away a few excess tears that had been falling down his cheeks.

With nothing to keep him occupied, all JD could do was think. He constantly went over everything, trying to make sense of it all and ultimately depressing himself. Unable to hold any more emotion in, JD let out a huge wail. He curled up on the couch, hugging his knees. Bucket loads of tears spilled from his eyes. His breathing became erratic as he sobbed and panicked. Pain shot through his abused body.

He didn't even hear it when the door opened and someone entered his apartment. All he felt was the gentle hand on his arm. Then a face came into view and Todd's voice spoke to him for the second time that day.

"JD! Your door was unlocked. Is everything okay?" His eyes showed concern and curiosity while the fact he was still in hospital attire indicated he came straight from work. "I had to come back."

JD turned away, not wanting to look into his eyes. "Just a really bad day okay, please leave me alone."

Todd sat down on the floor beside the couch, unable to leave JD alone again. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Just go Todd, please." The last thing JD needed was more guilt as well as the hurt hanging over his head. He hopped up from the couch and made his way to his bedroom, weakly slipping into bed.

"The Todd thinks he'll stay." Todd came in and lay down beside him. Soothingly he rubbed JD's shoulders, shutting his eyes at the thrill of actually touching him again.

"Let go of me. I don't deserve it." JD tried to wriggle away.

"I'm not going anywhere until you feel better. Besides, The Todd got lonely when you wanted to be alone last night." Todd pulled JD to face him, his arms wrapping around the other man protectively. It was hard not to notice the pain on JD's face when he did so. "Did I hurt you? Sorry the guns don't know their own strength. They had a good workout this morning."

"No, it's okay. I'll be okay." JD shut his eyes as Todd stroked his head. Returning Todd's hug, JD cried openly into his chest. He let out every emotion that resulted from this bizarre love triangle.

"I hate seeing you like this." Todd felt water prick the corners of his own eyes, indicating just how much he hated it. Only at very rare moments did Todd let such vulnerability show. "I care about you. Even if you are doinking someone else."

JD wiped his face on the green scrubs before meeting Todd's magnetic brown eyes. "Todd, why do you like me? Why would you want me? After taking you for granted and all the crap I've put you through. Plus I'm a mess. I don't deserve you."

"Yeah you are a mess right now." Todd put a finger to JD's lips, hushing him before he could voice his offence at Todd's bluntness. "But that doesn't matter because I like you. Every part of you. It's not even about doing you, though that would be awesome, it's about just being near you. I love looking at you. I love spending time with you…I love kissing you."

Todd moved closer, shutting his eyes in preparation. JD felt the chunks rise up in his throat. As much as he wanted to give in, JD didn't feel right about it. He was too down on himself, feeling too low to accept such affection. Turning his head, he felt Todd's kiss land on his cheek.

"Why did you turn away?" Todd whispered feeling a little rejected.

"I have to be honest." JD made himself look at Todd's face. "Todd, when you found me at the bar I was screwed up." He gulped as the night replayed in his mind. "The truth is I broke up with that person I've been with for the last few months. Actually they kind of broke it off with me."

Todd traced a finger down JD's cheek. "What an idiot. Did they even know what they were giving up?"

Smiling briefly at the compliment, JD shrugged before continuing. "My feelings for you, they kind of scare me." He let a sigh escape his mouth. "Maybe it's just my sabotaging brain at work but for all the years I've known you, well basically you've been kind of an arrogant, hyper-sexual jock. No offence." JD bit his lip at his own bluntness, wishing he hadn't said anything. Suddenly honesty didn't seem like a wise move.

Luckily, Todd wasn't one to be easily offended. "None taken." He replied and held up his hand in a high five position, trying to ease the other man. "Don't be scared five."

JD raised his hand up, feeling that he should, slapping Todd's palm in a promise. When their hands met, they kept their palms pressed together until the two sets of fingers interlaced.

"I can't hurt you. I just need some more time."

"Dude, how could you hurt me?" Todd appeared a little stunned by the statement.

JD sighed, playing with Todd's fingers. "I guess I'm just asking if we could just cool it for awhile. I know it's a lot to ask but I can't have my heart broken like that again. I don't want to screw things up with you. Let's just be friends for a bit, okay?"

"Sure. The Todd will take good care of what's in there." Todd motioned to JD's chest. "Since there's no kissing to be had, how about I order some pizza?"

"I'm not that hungry." JD told him, which was true. Apart from the sandwich Todd had brought earlier, he had not been able to eat a thing.

Seeming a little frustrated that he didn't have the answer, Todd finally decided to ask the question. "What can I do to make you feel better?"

"Just hold me." JD pulled his source of comfort slightly closer, feeling a little too needy. Despite everything he didn't want Todd to leave. "I just can't be alone tonight."

Todd complied and just kept his arms around the troubled doctor. He still kept fighting off his natural urges to ask more questions and take things a step further. But Todd knew that he had to be careful. The last thing he wanted was for JD to cut off such an intimate moment. He nuzzled the top of JD's head, squeezing his desire tighter as the smell of sweet shampoo filled him.

"Ouch ouch." JD cried out, pulling away and grabbing his side.

"JD, what happened?" Without even waiting for permission, Todd lifted JD's shirt to reveal his body. Seeing the bruises, he couldn't help but feel taken aback.

JD pulled his shirt down and turned away. He wanted to lie but trying to force the words out of his mouth was a pointless task. He couldn't lie to Todd, it had become impossible. Instead he just stared at the wall, feeling vulnerable.

Todd's face flashed anger. "Dude, those aren't just sex bruises. If someone's been hurting you The Todd will take care of them. I will make them look very silly."

"No Todd, don't. Leave it okay."

"Nobody disses you like that." Todd sat up, looking prepared for a fight. He touched JD's arm. "How can you let them get away with that?"

Turning back JD grabbed Todd's muscular bicep. "It's over now. Completely over." At saying the word _over_, JD choked up again.

Todd's main concern was back on the person beside him. The urge to punch was instantly replaced with the instinct to comfort. "Hey hey hey, don't be sad."

Tracing the tattoo on Todd's arm, JD stared into his eyes. "You really care about me don't you? I'm sorry I led you on and I'm sorry it's taken me this long to see how great and amazing you are. I'm so sorry, Todd."

"Dude there's no need to apologize. Just come here." Todd ran a hand into JD's hair, pulling him back into a warm, gentle embrace. He was extra careful not to press too hard on JD's injuries. "You feel so good."

JD felt cared for and protected. Resting his head on Todd's shoulder, he snuggled up closer to the warmth. He was glad to experience something other than hurt, at least something that dulled it that little bit. It was reassuring to know that someone was still on his side.

For a while the two continued to lie on JD's bed, caressing each other. No words were said, although a thousand thoughts were running through each man's head. Todd tilted JD's face up, making their eyes meet again. He smiled, hoping he could get JD feel better. However, the action filled the upset man with a rush of emotions, causing him to hide his face once more.

"It hurts so much." JD whispered into Todd's chest. "Why am I such shit?"

"You're not. Don't say that." Todd couldn't believe JD was hurting so bad and acting in such a way.

"I am. I'm pathetic and everything I touch just turns to crap." JD continued with his quiet tone and shut his eyes, wanting to lose himself. "I can never let myself be happy. I always end up getting hurt somehow. I must be a masochist or something."

"I have no idea what that is, but I'm sure it's not true." Todd felt bad knowing that he couldn't kiss it better like he wanted to do more than anything. "If it helps, you know The Todd will never hurt you."

JD didn't know if that comment made him feel better or guiltier than ever. Still he replied "I know."

Todd snuck a hand up JD's shirt ot feel the bare skin on his back."Would you like a back rub?" He whispered in JD's ear. "The Todd is famous for them."

"Actually I'm really tired." JD mumbled, trying to open his eyes but not able to do so. "You feel so warm."

Todd let out a happy sigh as JD rested against him. Soon enough JD's sniffles stopped and his breathing evened out with sleep. Todd figured he should go and let JD rest, but the slightest movement caused JD to grab his scrubs tightly so he couldn't go anywhere. Todd couldn't help but smile. It wasn't making out, but it was something.

Seeing a sheet within arms reach, Todd grabbed it and covered him and JD with it. He shut his eyes and savoured the moment, before falling asleep curled up with JD in his arms.

* * *

**NOTE: **Nice lot of comfort after that last chapter. So cute even if it's sorta angsty :-) Anyways, thanks for all your support. The next chapter will be up ASAP. In the meantime, hope this mushy stuff coaxes a chorus of "Awww's" hehe. Enjoy! And review because I like reviews LOL. Oh and I think I'll close the poll after chapter 10, if you haven't put your vote in or are waiting for the results.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

JD had decided to go into work early. He was unsure about how to deal with Todd that morning, so instead he bolted and trusted that Todd could make his own way out. Still, he had savoured waking up in Todd's arms for the few moments he could manage. As far as he could tell those few moments of indescribable warmth would get him through the day ahead.

He had decided to take his scooter, which he still kept despite having a car. It was one of those days when he just needed to feel the air ripping past him and the sense of peace and freedom that only riding Sasha could provide.

JD knew that he had to face Perry eventually. He wasn't keen about doing that, which is why he drove the 'scenic route' to work that day. His heart was beating a mile a minute due to anxiety. Paranoid thoughts ran through his mind about what could happen. It was times like these he hated his over-active imagination. A few hopeful thoughts drifted in, wondering if they could just go back, but they were soon discarded. All he could do was suck it up and deal, even if he just wanted to cave and scream.

Finally arriving in the hospital parking lot, JD tried to look as nonchalant and uninjured as possible. He stepped off Sasha and took a deep breath before walking through the entrance to the hospital. The moment his foot hit the inside, he spotted Turk and Carla.

JD approached with a little caution, but still made an attempt at contact. "Hey Turk, how's it going?"

Turk just kissed Carla on the cheek and walked out the door carrying Izzy with him. JD couldn't hide the hurt on his face as he watched his best friend walk away. It wasn't their first disagreement and JD knew that Turk was just being stubborn, but he couldn't wait for the silent treatment period to be over.

Carla drew him away from his thoughts. "Would you mind telling me why you guys are fighting this time?"

"I'm not really sure why." JD answered, turning his attention to her.

"Don't worry about it Bambi, he'll come around. You know how he gets. Besides he makes up with you easier than me." Carla touched his arm compassionately. "By the way, are you okay?"

"What do you mean?" JD said a little too quickly with his eyes wide. Then as he figured Carla couldn't possibly know anything, relaxed a little.

"It's just that Todd said you had some bad food poisoning yesterday."

"Oh yeah." JD mentally thanked the surgeon in his mind. "I'm feeling a little better but still a bit…"

His sentence was stopped as his eyes met those of Perry, who had just come to the nurse's station. The unsettling bolt hit JD like a tidal wave before he became numb. He wanted to flee, but his legs kept him paralysed on the spot. His love life from the last few months flashed before his eyes.

Perry stared back at JD, looking just as conflicted about what to do. He felt nauseated and tense. Suddenly the hospital just disappeared and he was back in that bathroom. The love, then the fear, then the anger passed through him until it went black and he was back in the moment. He sucked in a lung full of air, remembering he could in fact breathe.

Trying to break eye contact, JD preyed that nothing awkward would happen. He thought he saw a glimmer of guilt and sorrow in the older man's eyes, but dismissed it. Trying to will his mind back to earlier that morning was unsuccessful. Perry walked away first and JD felt faint. He grabbed the nurse's station to steady himself.

"JD, are you alright?" Carla asked with her eyes full of concern, waving a hand in front of his face to get his attention back.

JD felt a lump in the back of his throat. His legs finally getting some feeling back into them, he knew he had to run. After grabbing his patient charts from the counter top and mumbling an excuse to Carla he took off.

Breathing deeply as he trotted along, JD mentally calmed himself down. It was awkward seeing Perry but not nearly as bad as expected, at least that's what he tried to convince himself in order not to end up in a hospital bed. So he didn't feel tempted to faint, JD affirmed that the worst had already happened and he'd survived.

He ducked into his first patient's room. The way he saw it, dealing with sick people would take his mind off things. How could he feel self-pity when surrounded by others worse off than him? The day could only pick up from here.

"Mrs Masters, it says here you've been in a car accident." JD looked up from his chart and cringed a little at the sight. The woman's face was worse for ware and would definitely need some reconstruction. His mind was scolding him for an inappropriate reaction.

"It's bad isn't it?" She asked, looking as though she was about to lose it.

"No, not really." JD said, even though it was clear he was lying. Trying to smooth over his statement, he made a suggestion while checking her vitals. "I'll call in a plastic surgeon for you. This guy, miracle worker. You'll be looking gorgeous in no time."

JD knew that Todd would likely be at the hospital by that point; or on his way. An involuntary smile came to his face at the thought of Todd spooning him, until he remembered that he'd ditched Todd at his apartment specifically to avoid giving into the temptation of those thoughts. Despite that, he let the daydream carry on until the thoughts of Perry evaporated from his mind.

"Something wrong Doctor Dorian?"

JD snapped back to reality. "I'm just paging him now."

"Thanks." Mrs Masters seemed a little cheered by this news.

JD finished paging Todd and looked towards his patient. He knew that he should probably stay while she was consulted, but he decided against it. "Doctor Quinlan should be here soon. He's an awesome surgeon. A little out there, but a really amazing person. I'll check on you later."

Stepping out in the hallway, JD cheered up a little. Maybe the day wasn't going to be as bad as he thought. He held his head high and affirmed that he would just go with the flow and deal with it.

As he walked towards his next patient room, he saw Janitor, Ted and Doug leaning against one of the walls. The largest of the three was staring at him intently. JD stared back at them, wondering what they wanted. Getting an 'I'm watching you' signal from Janitor, he held his charts close and tilted his head down. Maybe it was best to keep laying low for awhile.

* * *

Todd could still feel JD's bed, not to mention the other man in his arms, even though a few days had passed. He was accepting of the fact that JD wanted to be friends, but couldn't control his butterflies when JD was around. This led to a couple of impromptu hugs, or sneaking a hand squeeze usually followed by a friendly yet flirty smile in the few moments he had spotted him. JD didn't seem to mind, even though he did look a little nervous, which reassured Todd that his perseverance would pay off eventually.

Still, as much as he respected JD, he had his own wishes. Todd wanted to tell people about how good it felt to comfort JD. He wanted to find out who had hurt him. He also wanted some advice on how to speed up the process of becoming JD's boyfriend, or a hint of where he really stood. The one person Todd knew he could turn to for all these things was the fellow surgeon he considered his best friend.

"Hey T-dog what's going down? Haven't seen you lately, but do I have some news." Todd caught up with his friend walking down the hall.

Turk, having been in negative moods since finding out about JD and Perry, wasn't up for talking to Todd at that time. However, to be polite he replied. "What's on your mind Todd?"

"Dude, I slept with JD." Todd told him with a grin on his face.

"I don't want to hear about you and JD having sex right now, okay?" A frustrated Turk tried to quicken his pace to get out of the conversation.

"Well we didn't have sex." Todd kept up with Turk, not getting the hint that his friend wasn't really interested. He just didn't want to mislead when it came to JD because it was different this time. "I was at his place the other day, holding him and he fell asleep. Then I just stayed the night. It was awesome." Todd's smile became wider as he remembered the experience fondly. "I wish I could have woken up beside him, but he'd already gone. Guess he had some kind of emergency."

Turning to his friend, Turk hated seeing the hopeful smile. From what he had heard and witnessed at the bar, Todd was just getting led on again. In Turk's eyes, the situation was putting him in an awkward spot even though he wasn't directly involved, as always.

"Todd, maybe you should just forget about this whole JD thing. He is hooking up with someone else after all." Turk pushed the button for the elevator.

"Not anymore." Todd explained. "He told me that someone had broken up with him. What an idiot! Don't they know that having JD in your arms is better than porn?"

A confused Turk tried to make sense of what he just heard. "What do you mean JD broke up with someone?"

"As much as I hate seeing JD bummed out, it means The Todd is next in line." Todd nudged Turk suggestively as they both stepped in the elevator.

"He was really that bummed out?" Turk couldn't ignore the concern for his best friend, no matter how weird he felt in this situation.

"Yeah, that's why I was at his apartment in the first place." Todd's hands went to his hips as he contemplated something else. "I wish he'd told me who caused his bruises. The Todd was going to take care of it, but JD didn't say who it was. Has he spoken to you about it, I know he trusts you."

"No he didn't say anything." Turk's eyes widened. "Are there more sex bruises?"

"Dude they aren't from booty calls. Someone obviously beat the crap out of him." Todd's face flashed with fury and his hands balled into fists. "The thought of someone touching JD like that…Are you positive you didn't hear anything, because I just…I care about him a lot."

Turk put his hand to his mouth, watching the elevator doors open for his floor. All the pieces came together and he realised that JD's infatuation with Perry had ventured into dangerous territory. There was no other explanation. He knew that he had to find JD as soon as possible to explain himself. Not only to alleviate his guilt at not being there, but to comfort his friend. When Todd stepped out of the elevator, Turk pressed the button for the ICU floor, leaving his baffled friend behind.

"Come on, come on." He rapped his fist against the wall until the elevator doors opened. Preparing to spring into action he cried out "I'm coming JD."

His plans were halted immediately when his pager went off. Reading the message, he groaned. As important as JD was, he would have to wait.

* * *

Coffeebucks was quite busy late afternoons. Some doctors had finished their shifts, others were waiting to start and there was a scatter of hospital visitors needing refreshment. Still, the Brain Trust had managed to get their usual table, mainly because Janitor scared off the interns who were sitting there beforehand.

Todd walked up to the group. He figured that maybe they would give him some advice on the JD situation, since Turk seemed overly distracted. Maybe they would even create a little plan to help him out. As he approached the table, his hope was replaced by confusion.

"So you think you can just skip a few meetings and waltz right back in do you?" Ted asked with his attempt at assertion, which was hardly threatening at all.

"Easy, Ted. I'll handle this." Janitor, as always, took control of the group. "You hurt us Todd, hurt us deep. We were willing to give you a chance but missing the Brain Trust birthday bash was the last straw. We had cake and a piñata and everything."

Doug spoke up, his reaction a little more mellow than the others. "Yeah, what happened to you man?"

"I'm sorry, it's just that I'm working an angle on a crush." Todd explained.

Janitor held up his hand to signal silence. "Seems you think you're too good for us. So Rex is in and you're out."

"Come on guys! The Todd's still cool right?" Todd looked towards his usual seat, now occupied by Rex. "Forgiveness five?" He offered it around the table. Doug looked like he was going to cave, but backed out at the last minute.

"Now hand over your special Brain Trust beeper." Janitor motioned his hand out. "Feel free to burn your official Brain Trust underwear, only god knows where it's been."

Todd wasn't sure why he was being kicked out, but he put his other pager on the table. Hands on hips, he kept looking around the table for any kind of reassurance from his friends. However, none was offered.

"Scram." Janitor said bluntly. As Todd turned to walk away he added "You really should have given the swirly."

Todd sighed but shook off the rejection, being the go with the flow guy that he was. His number one concern was JD and that was all he had time to concentrate on at the time. He went to get a jumbo latte and the moment he ordered his mood immediately picked up.

Any resentment he felt towards the Brain Trust was soon replaced because he spotted JD, who was sitting at another table with his son. Todd knew nothing could bring him down now, even if they were still technically in the friends stage. Repeating a few key things in his head, Todd collected his beverage and strode confidently over to them.

"JD, Sammy. Wassup?" Todd sat down at the table, unable to control his beaming.

Sam let out a happy squeal and a few gurgling noises at Todd's presence. He looked at JD, then back at Todd, almost as though his undeveloped mind could see something they couldn't. Sam reached out towards The Todd, wriggling in his father's arms. JD looked at the surgeon and immediately the fire in his heart blazed.

"I'm glad Kim and I finally got the Sam schedule sorted again. Which was cool because we just had the best weekend ever, right Sammy?" JD smiled at the other man, silently telling the fire to calm down. "How are you?"

"Better now." Todd snuck his hand over the table and quickly squeezed JD's hand. "I've been thinking about you a lot."

"I've thought about you too" was the serious reply.

JD was still a little reluctant when it came to the Todd situation. There was no denying how comfortable he felt in Todd's presence, but something was holding him back. A part of him was scared to be so open again so soon. Also the self saboteur voice was never too far away. As much as he hated it, some nagging feelings for Perry still lingered around, even if emotions for Todd were slowly sweeping them away.

"I think he's missed you." JD commented, changing the subject and handing a restless Sam over to Todd. "Would you mind holding him for a bit, I have to pee."

"All good." Todd gave a nod and watched JD walk away before turning back to Sam, who was looking back at him curiously. "You know, The Todd has a major thing for your dad. Do you know what he thinks of me?"

Sam just smiled and giggled in reply. Todd sat him up on the table, laughing along with him. He liked that JD trusted him with Sam; even more that Sam seemed to appreciate his presence. The child grabbed the man's finger, shaking it up and down before grabbing another finger squeezing it. Sam was entertained by this immensely, while Todd just took it all in.

"So you want to play S-Dog? Come here."Todd picked Sam up and held him in the air, before bringing him back down into a hug.

"JD likes hugs. He says the good ones last seven seconds." Todd could feel Sam tugging at his doo rag. He pulled him back a little, causing Sam to pull off the surgical hat. "I'm jealous that you get to hug JD all the time. I mean, you're his son and everything, but there is no way you're cuter than The Todd."

Sam just stared at him, as though he was listening intently. He soon tilted his head up, signalling he was going into a fantasy.

"So you go into fantasy land just like JD, huh?" Todd placed Sam on his knee, observing the child turn back to him and continue his doe-eyed staring. "Okay, so you are cute, but the Todd is more buff."

Todd sipped some of his latte while Sam sat on his knee, waving the skull and roses covered cloth like a flag. Todd calmly took the doo rag back from Sam, who was now reaching for the cup of coffee which appeared to fascinate him. Todd pulled the latte from Sam's reach, setting it down on the table. Lightly he petted Sam on the head in an apologetic gesture, as the child still seemed in curious awe of the Coffeebucks cup.

"Dude, coffee is not for babies. Besides, it's a jumbo and you're only a little player."

As Todd continued keeping Sam occupied, Perry entered the establishment and was confronted immediately with the scene. It took him a moment to realise that Todd was in fact holding Sam. His reaction was one of anxiety at knowing JD was nearby and shock at the mere sight of Todd and JD's son together. He run a hand through his hair and walked over to the table, almost storming over.

"Now what in god's name are you doing with JD's kid, make that any kid?" Touching his nose and folding his arms soon had him in his common stance. "Though, I must say, it is nice to see you hanging around with people on your level of intelligence."

"JD asked me to hold him, isn't he awesome? Smile S-Dog." Todd bounced Sam on his lap, causing a few happy noises from the tot. "If I'm good with him, then I'll score some points with JD."

Perry shot him a look of incredulity. "I think I will take it from here. With all due respect, which in your case is very little anyway, it looks like Newbie has gone insane. Who would leave a kid with you, honestly? Unless Kim and JD want Sam to grow up into a sexist pervert who likes to cut things. Since I highly doubt that is the case, I'll take him thank you."

Without even waiting for a response, Perry reached out and took Sam from Todd's arms. Not only had he made the mistaken assumption that Todd around kids was bad, but he didn't want Todd getting any points with JD, whatever he meant by that.

Perry knew that if they could just talk, he and JD would be okay. At the very least they had to be civil to maintain a decent working relationship. He figured that if he was holding Sam then his former lover would have to approach him and then they couldn't avoid talking about things. No fighting could erupt around a young child and JD would have to hear him out. They could put this all behind them and create some peace in the silent emotional war.

However, being snatched sparked an immediate fearful reaction from Sam. The moment Todd was gone from view and replaced with Perry's wide eyes, whimpers were escaping him. Looking from side to side, Sam tried to spot his dad or Todd, unable to make sense of what was happening. The only sure thing was that he felt bad vibes. He began getting fussy again and within a minute he was wailing.

"Oh no please, don't be like this. Buck up kiddo." Perry groaned as he tried desperately to get Sam to stop crying; funny noises, light bouncing, a cuddle. Frustration was building inside of him at his need to get everything off his chest. "Sam please stop crying, I need to do this. You like me, heck you're partly named after me."

Something in Todd was set off. An instinct he felt when his friends or loved ones were in trouble. It was that moment that he concluded that no-one could upset father or son Dorian in his presence, or they would have to deal with him. Sam didn't like being with the chief, so Todd was going to fix it.

"Uncool, Doctor Cox." He reached out and prepared to take Sam back. "Allow The Todd to show you how it's done." Todd managed to get the upset child away from Perry, despite being greeted with an enraged stare from the boss.

The moment he was back with Todd, Sam gradually calmed down. Todd cuddled the tot protectively, treating him as gently as he had JD. In a few moments Sam was smiling again. His little arms wrapped around Todd's neck as much as possible. As Todd rubbed his back, he let out a yawn.

"There you go. All better now." Todd watched as Sam's eyes began shutting and he snoozed against the supportive shoulder. "You wanna go to sleep? Okay, go to sleep." He couldn't help but feel a little cocky. "The Dorian's like snoozing on The Todd."

"Since when do people like The Todd better than me? Even the damn kid should know better." Perry scoffed aloud, watching Todd comfort Sam.

JD had come back into the coffee house, silently gushing at how adorable he thought Todd and Sam looked together. However, spotting Perry close to his kid and crush made him nervous and annoyed. He didn't want to deal with it at that moment; not after the success of laying low and avoiding Perry almost completely.

Walking to the table, he picked up his back pack and took a sleeping Sam off Todd. "Thanks for that."

"Anytime. He's asleep now. Cox held him and he got all antsy, but he's better thanks to The Todd." Todd looked pleased with himself as he informed JD of this.

JD however, was unamused. "You let him hold my son?"

"Dude, he just took him off me. I didn't mean to but he is kinda the boss." Todd protested, seeing that he had hit a nerve. His heart beat fast at the fear he'd angered JD.

"Just forget it." JD glared at Perry, making his intentions clear with his eyes but still had to say what he felt. As he began to exit with Sam, he murmured threateningly to his former lover so others couldn't hear. "You wanted out of my life so don't touch my son."

As JD power walked out of Coffeebucks and across the parking lot, he realised that he couldn't count on not being followed. He tried to ignore it as best he could but Todd caught up with him at the car.

"JD what's the rush?" Todd had a mixture of concern and intrigue on his face.

"It's nothing, I've finished my shift and I want to go home." JD snapped a little too harshly, feeling a little ashamed for being rude to Todd but still rushing.

"Just wait a second. Please?"

JD strapped Sam into the special car seat before giving his full attention to Todd. He still was pretty eager to leave and get back to the solitude of his apartment, where Perry was not, but of course his people-pleasing instinct convinced him to listen to Todd. It was the least he could do and he knew that.

"I'm not mad at you Todd. I'm just stressed, okay?"

The moment Todd was within arms reach, he pulled JD into a hug. JD tensed up a little, but then Todd loosened the grip at remembering the bruises. It was an amazing hug, the kind JD craved from others on a regular basis. He reciprocated it almost immediately, basking in the delicious emotions the hug brought. Both men loved the way it felt, how nothing outside the hug seemed to exist. Todd made sure it lasted at least ten seconds, three more than required just to leave a lasting impact.

"May as well take what I can get." Todd explained.

JD felt Todd glide away from him but the endearment of the hug lingered on his body. "I better go."

"If you want, you and Sam can come over to El Casa de Todd. We can hang out." Todd trailed a flirty hand down JD's arm. "What do you say?"

JD blushed a little, wanting to accept but still insisting on keeping things in the friend zone. "Maybe some other time. I have to put Sam to bed and when he wakes up he'll want dinner and a dose of Elmo."

"Understood. I'll see you tomorrow. I'll make sure of it." Todd winked before ducking in and sneaking a kiss onto JD's cheek. "Friends still get a little cheek action, right?"

JD nodded in reply. He watched as the other man went back into the hospital as though he was strutting along to a song only he could hear. JD couldn't help but envy Todd's happiness, craving it for himself. Turning to Sam in the car, JD sighed and smiled questioningly at him.

"What do you think I should do?"

* * *

**NOTE:** Chapter 10, YAY :D Sure the friend's stage kind of sucks, but it looks like Sam (or S-Dog) will give Daddy some hints hehe. And what will happen when Turk's not so busy and finally talks to JD? Wanna find out? Do ya! Well you will soon, just as soon as I make chappie 11 as nice as possible. In the meantime, hope you still feel the love for this story.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Perry and JD had barely made eye contact, with the exception of the incident in Coffeebucks. They hadn't even kept up the appearance of mentor and protégé. Perry was sure that people had noticed, wondering if any were smart enough to piece it together. It wasn't hard to notice the absence of JD near him, especially for a period of nearly a week. Perry had felt the emptiness more than he fathomed possible.

He knew he had to apologize to his former lover, without trying to trick him into it. The stress was eating away at his soul. What he had done kept replaying in his mind like a bad movie. He hated the fact that JD basically crossed the thin line between love and hate, not that he could blame the younger man. Perry hated himself after all.

Finding JD in the doctor's lounge, sitting on the couch with a blank, unemotional look on his face, Perry decided that moment was as good a time as any. Better to get their rocky relationship back on track as soon as possible. Swallowing his pride and guilt he paced into the room and up to JD. He let out a breath he didn't realise he was holding. Perry had almost forgotten how angelic JD looked sometimes.

"What do you want?" JD asked quietly, but not angrily which Perry took as a good sign.

"I think we should talk about what happened." Perry started, standing by the couch with remorseful eyes and folded arms. "We can't avoid each other forever. We need to talk about this."

JD couldn't look at his former lover, keeping his eyes glued to the wall ahead. "Talk? You mean about how you beat me up again and ripped my heart out. Then to top it all off you left me there."

"JD, please just hear me out. I tried to tell you in Coffeebucks yesterday…"

"Oh you mean when you tried to kidnap my son?" JD snapped, although still keeping his voice volume low.

Perry laced his fingers behind his head. "You know I would never do that, no matter how much of a jackass I've been."

"Who knows what you're capable of Perry. You've taken Sam out of day care before, remember."

"One time, like a year ago!" Perry cried out. He calmed himself before sitting down next to JD, putting a loving hand on his shoulder. "I know you think the worst of me but I didn't mean to hurt you, I'm sorry."

"You said that last time, but look what happened. I can't do this again Perry." JD was on the verge of breaking down again, after days of composure. He hopped up from the couch and gazed out the window. "Don't make me feel for you."

Perry came up behind him, letting a hand wander onto JD's neck and play with his hair. "Just look at me. Talk to me, dammit. We have to sort this out, now. You know that." He felt JD quiver with his touch as his hand slid fully into the dark brown strands, unsure of whether it was a good or bad reaction. "We've been through so much over the years; I know we can work this out if we try."

JD walked to the vending machine, in the process removing the hand from his hair. "It's too late. Just go away. There is no way this is going to work."

"Over the years, you and me, we've been through it all. Heck I went from wanting to be away from you to wanting nothing but to be with you." Perry followed JD, grabbing his arm and making them face each other. "What I did to you haunts me every day."

JD yanked his arm free and lifted up his scrubs, making Perry look at his injuries. "Yeah, well what you did hurts me every day." Pulling his shirt down, he shook his head and wondered what the point of the conversation was. "I've learned my lesson and I'm done with you."

However, Perry reached for him again. "Please, JD…" But just as he was about to say his part, another presence in the room interrupted him.

"Back the fuck off now."

Haivng stormed into the doctor's lounge after some brief eavesdropping, Turk stood protectively in front of JD. In the process he smacked Perry's outstretched arm away. It was the first time he'd been free and able to find his elusive best friend. He was finally ready to explain himself.

The conversation he had overheard confirmed his worst suspicions. Turk's eyes narrowed and nostrils flared as his usually sweet, although competitive, demeanour was washed away in the name of protection. His eyes burned into Perry's, with hate filling every muscle of his body.

"Gandhi if you really think-" Perry started, but Turk shut him up almost immediately.

"Shut up Doctor Cox."

"Excuse me?" Perry asked, trying to look at JD only to have the surgeon keep blocking his view. His tone turned from confused to complete serious anger. "Stay out of this. It's none of your business."

"You beating the crap out of my best friend is damn right my business." Turk went right up in Perry's face, grabbing his white coat and baring his teeth in a snarl. "For years I've had to watch JD kiss your ass and he was happy as long as you showed him some kind of respect. So you start hooking up and get him all loved up in the bathroom before beating the crap out of him just to prove what a big man you are? Get him to fall for you so hard just to have a few laughs, right?"

Perry wanted to say what he felt to JD, but was a little innerved by the enraged surgeon in front of him. So he tried to use his position of power to get his way. "So help me if you don't move out of the way-"

"Then everyone is going to know what you did." Turk finished for him, keeping his battle like stance. "If you ever beat on JD again, there will not be enough left of you to put in a doggy bag. Now get out of my face."

Perry managed a scoff and grunt, trying to regain some form of composure before leaving the lounge. By this point, JD was just staring at his best friend in admiration and gratitude.

Feeling the eyes on him, Turk finally turned around to face his guilt. "Just come here." Not waiting for JD to return it, Turk hugged his best friend. "I'm sorry Vanilla Bear."

"It's okay." JD replied as he went and sat back down on the couch. "I forgive you."

"No, I should have been there for you." Turk joined JD on the couch, taking a deep breath before confessing the truth that he had held in for days. "That night put me in an awkward spot though. You were getting freaky with the Chief of Medicine while leading on The Todd."

"I didn't mean to lead people on, or put you on the spot. It all just happened."

"I know I said it wasn't the reason but it's weird to see you so close with other dudes, especially a jackass like Cox." The surgeon explained, still trying to figure it all out. "I would have thought at least one of your hook-ups was a fine young lady. Okay, I hoped it was."

"Might have made things less complicated." JD let out a soft laugh.

"It's just that Jordan was there and Todd came and started asking about you then I had to escape to the bathroom and there you were." Turk tried to shake the image from his head to continue. "JD, I didn't want you becoming one of those guys. You know the ones that care about nothing as long as they're getting some. No qualms about hurting feelings. I mean, you talk about wanting to see Sam more but you go with Doctor Cox and nearly break up a family. That's just not you. Not the JD I know."

"I never thought of it that way." JD tensed up at realising his own selfish motives. "I didn't want to hurt them, but I guess I never thought about Jordan and his kids. I just wanted Perry to love me. The curse of wanting what you can't have right?"

"I know." Turk looked at JD's scrubs, wondering how many bruises he was hiding. "Todd told me you had more bruises and I just knew Cox had messed you up. Even if you didn't tell me about your little somthin' somethin' why didn't you tell me he was beating on you?"

JD stared at the ground in shame. "I thought he'd stop. Stupid huh?" As a sign of their renewed friendship, he leaned on Turk's shoulder. This led to the two friends pulling each other into another hug.

Suddenly, Todd appeared in the doorway to the doctor's lounge. "Yet another successful surgery for the Big Dog this morning." He walked over to the couch and smiled down at the pair, his eyes lighting up as he took in his crush. "Hey JD."

JD managed a small, yet kind of embarrassed smile in return. "Hey Todd."

"Are you doing okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks." JD tried to control a small blush he could feel appearing on his cheeks.

The two sets of eyes finally met. There was just a moment of contentment as they looked at each other. Sparks were flying through the air and Turk not only noticed it, but he was sure he could feel it. He watched until the comfortable silence entered nearly ten seconds before clearing his throat, reminding his two friends that he still existed.

"So JD, how about you and I go out tonight?" Todd suggested, taking a seat beside JD and looking hopeful. "You, me, some body paint and a bucket of ice." He raised his eyebrows questioningly. "Journey playing in the background."

JD let out a little giggle at the thought. It was a tempting offer, but he didn't feel right about accepting it. "Some other time."

"Still in the friends stage. I'm cool with that." Todd put up his hands to signal no hard feelings. "When you're ready for that date, I'll be waiting."

"For the love of god stop talking about man-dates." Turk covered his ears, eyes wide with desperation.

"I'm going to get my workout on. I'll see you guys at lunch." Todd high fived Turk before giving JD a wink.

Once Todd had gone and was out of ear shot Turk poked at JD's arm in teasing disbelief. "Oh my god! You want to hit that, don't you?"

"No!" JD cried out, but knowing that Turk could see right through him he decided to answer honestly. "Okay, yes I have big feelings for him. But he's really comforting. I mean there's a reason Lisa slept with him after her dad died; if only Todd was with me when mine did."

"Dude, no details please." Turk held up his hands to signal stop.

JD's expression changed and he sighed. "He cared for me that night and day after the bar. It was so nice. But I told him that we should just be friends for a while. After what I did to him I can't just go treat him like a rebound guy. I mean, it's only been like a week since I broke up with Perry."

"Nothing stopped you from kissing him when you were doing the nasty with Doctor Cox, why should it stop you now that you're single?" Turk looked at JD, who seemed to have drifted off into a little fantasy. "Tell me you're not picturing what Todd's going to do to you?"

"It's cold, but erotic and colourful." A little lustful shiver shook JD's body for a second at the mere thought.

Before JD could continue dreaming, Turk interrupted. "JD you so have feelings for him. Seriously just then there was enough electricity between you to power Vegas. Just admit it."

"Yes I have feelings for Todd. I like him a lot and have for awhile. He makes me feel sexy and smarter." JD began to day dream yet again. Remembering waking up with Todd's strong, protective arms cocooning him. Admiring how intriguingly innocent Todd looked when he slept and the soft purring noise he made. How beautiful it felt.

He was brought back to earth by the surgeon stating the obvious. "JD that's all that matters. As much as it pains me to say this, you and The Todd seem to have something going on. So go get him!"

"It's too soon." JD commented, tugging at his sleeves and hoping to drop the subject.

"Don't sabotage what makes you happy because of someone else's screw ups." Turk ordered his friend, speaking firmly. "Todd may be a little thick and arrogant sometimes, but one thing is for sure he won't hurt you JD. So don't mess with his feelings when you clearly want to be with him."

JD laughed at the simplicity of Turk's logic. "You're right Chocolate Bear. At least with Todd I won't have to worry about water balloon fights."

"I've accepted your same sex love, so now you have to let that go." Turk shot a warning look and pointed finger towards JD.

"Fine, I'll get right on this. By that I mean in two days when I give Sam back to Kim. While I love the little guy, he's not the best for setting the mood." Getting up from his seat, his day began to brighten a little. "Thanks."

Turk stared after JD leaving, realising that he had just encouraged something that made him cringe. "What the hell did I just do?"

* * *

JD stood at his locker after a long day's shift. He desperately needed a shower, but was paralysed on the spot wearing his shower shorts and a t-shirt. He tried to will himself to remove the shirt and dash to the shower but was feeling insecure about his discoloured body, even though he was alone in the locker room at that moment.

He heard a familiar humming. Looking up in hope, he met the eyes of Todd. JD's lips curled up in a smile. Ever since talking to Turk he'd been rehearsing the perfect words to say to Todd. However, the speech he had prepared froze in his throat.

"JD how are you doing?" Todd came up to him, placing a hand on his waist.

"Thank you!" JD blurted out, stunning Todd for a brief moment. Suddenly, with that one touch to his waist, a rush of words flowed from his lips. "Thank you for everything. Cooking for me; making sure I got home after probably the worst night ever; holding me and listening to me babble on. You've been so patient with me, even though I know how you feel. Thank you for everything, Todd. You've been so good to me. You're even great with Sam."

Todd made a gesture like it was no big deal. "Happy to do it."

JD grabbed Todd's hand and brought it to his cheek. He shut his eyes, enjoying and appreciating the touch of the manly yet gentle hands. It was an amazing feeling, knowing that the hands weren't going to hurt him in any way. JD pressed his lips against Todd's palm, planting desperate kisses of gratitude.

"Hey, what's this all about?" Todd raised his eyebrows, his face beaming.

Squeezing the hand, still pressing it to his face JD spoke what he felt. "I want to be all yours. You can have me all to yourself, even though I'd totally understand if you said no. I thought that I needed time to get over this shit from the break up. But I realised that even though I didn't think I was ready to be with you, it sucks without you. Plus, Sam is back with Kim for a week and a bit so..."

"What are you saying?" Todd's eyes lit up with hope and a little bit of excitement. Still he tried to keep cool, in case the answer wasn't what he wanted.

"I'm saying that this cooling-off, 'let's be friends' period is stupid. The small talk is just silly. We like each other, we should be together right?" JD looked at the ground before finding the courage to meet Todd's face again. "So...do you want to come over tonight?"

"Oh yeah." Todd pulled JD into his arms. Looking into those eyes for a moment, he smiled. "Yours is the only application The Todd wants to accept."

Slowly, Todd moved his face closer and planted his lips on JD's in a romantic kiss. Feeling blissfully happy, JD returned the affection. Their lips moved perfectly together and mouths opened simultaneously, wanting more of the intimacy. Tongues tasted each other, dancing together, reminding the couple just how long it had been since their last kiss. The mere thought of that absence making the moment even more amazing and making both men hungrier for each other.

"I almost forgot how amazing your kisses were." JD breathed as the two sets of lips parted.

Todd slowly began to remove JD's t-shirt. JD allowed him to do so, but regretted it when his bruises came into view. Even though he knew Todd had seen them before when they were much worse, JD couldn't help but feel ashamed at their exposure. He tried to cover them up, shielding himself with his arms, but Todd brushed them aside.

Lightly, Todd touched JD's stomach. Feeling his companion shiver slightly, not knowing if it was from pleasure or pain, Todd hesitated before continuing. His fingertips traced around the injuries with such gentleness. Grazing the skin tenderly, making sure not to hurt JD. Touching the other man turned him on more than anything else.

JD smiled, letting out a little giggle as Todd's fingers stroked his sensitive skin. "It tickles."

Relieved he wasn't causing any pain, Todd glided his hands back to JD's waist. After seeing JD so sad, his contagious smile made Todd feel happy. Turning serious, Todd moved down and proceeded in kissing JD's body, hoping that this act of love would heal each purple bruise. He trailed the gentle kisses all the way up to the shoulders, causing JD to let out soft breathy sighs.

Todd smiled at JD, taking in the features of his face. "If only doing you would take away these bruises instead of hurting you more." Though it was a libido driven comment, he said it with genuine concern.

JD laughed. "If only."

Todd tugged on JD's hand, leading him. A spot of pink appeared on JD's cheeks as he felt the nervous excitement in his shower shorts. Todd effortlessly whipped off his banana hammock and tossed it into his locker. He removed a bottle of body wash, shutting the door before walking with JD into the communal showers. Looking at the shower shorts, Todd reached for them.

"No no no." JD batted Todd's hands away. "These stay on."

Todd teasingly traced the waistband of the shorts. "Come on JD, why won't you get naked for The Todd?"

"In case someone else comes in. I'm not as secure as you."

Clearly confused by that statement, Todd looked JD up and down. "Why?"

JD mirrored Todd's actions, eyeing him and taking in the naked masterpiece which resulted from hours of working out. "Of course you'd have no problem showing off. You're a god."

"Dude, do you even know how sexy you are?" Todd hugged JD from behind, leading them to the corner showerhead.

The moment JD turned the shower on, Todd pulled their two bodies together. They cuddled until they adjusted to the water temprature. JD touched the toned chest in front of him before meeting Todd's eyes.

Todd squeezed some body wash from the bottle he had. "Let me get you all cleaned up."

Gently Todd began soaping JD's shoulders and chest, lathering it until the bubbles ran down his body. He handed the bottle to JD, motioning for him to return the favour. JD squeezed out some soap and began rubbing it on Todd's abs. Touching the other man, washing him, was an amazingly erotic feeling that he'd long forgotten. There was such trust between them, it was beautiful and romantic.

"Nice and soapy." Todd commented, rubbing JD's back, making sure to be soft. Their soapy bodies and the shower water making things slippery as they rubbed against each other.

JD massaged Todd's arms as he soaped them down, squeezing the strong biceps which he longed to be wrapped up in. He reached around so he could also get Todd's back, feeling his partner's muscles quiver; moving his hand downwards until a soapy palm met a tight butt cheek. Looking up into the other man's eyes, JD pressed his forehead to Todd's; watching the reactions as he massaged Todd's behind.

"I guess we're really together now."

"Yeah we are." Todd's face sported a look of satisfaction. "You smell really good." He planted his lips across JD's shoulders, in the process getting some stray lather in his mouth.

JD laughed as his companion sputtered. "You idiot." He joked before playfully tracing a line of bubbles down Todd's nose.

"Oh we'll just see about that."

JD had no objections as he felt Todd's kiss once again. He leaned into Todd's embrace, intensifying their make-out session as both allowed their tongues and hands to wander freely. Todd pushed JD against the wall, sparking a hiss of pain. Worried, Todd broke away slightly to check on his lover, only to have JD pull him back.

"It's okay." JD reassured his companion, resuming their moment in a desperate need to feel. Passions out of control, the couple soon collapsed to the shower floor. Absorbed in their own little love bubble.

* * *

Unable to handle any more emotions relating to his and JD's affair, Perry knew he had to find JD and explain even if Turk was playing bodyguard. He had to get it off his chest and make JD listen. Tell JD how he was scared of the repercussions, angry that they hadn't been more careful, upset that their affair had ended, sexually frustrated and wanting JD against him. Maybe even admit that he loved JD back, though he had denied it.

The night at the bar had run through his head all week reminding Perry that JD was not his to hold. That he had been the cause of so much pain to someone he felt so deeply for. Turk's tongue lashing sure cemented that fact. Even JD's scathing comment about being near Sam had hit too close.

Part of him hoped he and JD could go back to where they were before the whole mess at the bar. Just take JD onto the roof and hold him, kiss him, have sex with him. He knew it was a stupid and unrealistic thought, but it didn't stop him dreaming.

Deep down he knew JD deserved so much better than the abuse. Still he kept making it so easy for Perry to apologize. No matter what, they kept coming back to each other. It was that hope that fuelled Perry. Made him believe in the possibility of a quick-fix; a reconciliation.

Having not found JD anywhere else and considering his shift had ended, Perry deducted that he would likely be in the locker room. He walked inside and took a deep breath. Mentally preparing himself, he walked to JD's locker. Seeing that the younger man wasn't there, Perry growled in frustration. Then he heard one of the showers going.

Perry, despite being a glorified atheist, thanked the lord as it seemed JD was alone this time. He let himself drift into a little fantasy. Picturing JD in his stupid yet somehow adorable shower shorts. JD running into his arms and while Perry would hesitate, he would eventually cave and cuddle the wet doctor. Moments like that made JD seem so innocent and cute, which in turn also made it easier for Perry to hurt the poor soul.

Shaking off the fantasy, Perry walked towards the showers. He had prepared a reasonably 'manly' yet sorry and emotional speech. The moment he opened his mouth in order to speak it to his newbie, Perry found himself greeted by a shocking display.

JD on the floor of the showers, entangled with someone else. It took Perry a second to realise that the naked man was Todd. The shower water was running over them, acting like a romantic rain and making the couple glisten as soap flowed off them. Perry winced as he heard JD moan softly. He wanted something, anything to stop the scene in front of him, but he couldn't look away.

He just continued to watch as JD's hands lustfully gripped Todd's back. As Todd's mouth devoured the lips of the man he loved. Noticing that one of Todd's hands seemed to disappear underneath JD's shower shorts. The look of pleasure on JD's face and the small bruises on his body. The way Todd was touching JD so tenderly.

Perry couldn't make sense of his emotions. He wanted to cry at the loss of JD. Throw up because the mere thought, let alone watching it, was disgusting. His anger wanted to destroy something, or beat the crap out of Todd either way. Love made him want to throw Todd off and just pull JD to him, into his arms so they could be sharing that passionate moment. Common sense reminded him that this was what he wanted in the first place. Then a part of him wanted to laugh, purely because he didn't know what else to do. He just stood, completely paralysed by it all.

JD moaned again. The noise that Perry had loved to cause a week ago had become torture to his ears. He was about to finally walk away and regroup when it happened. Todd was kissing JD's neck, giving JD a perfect view over his shoulder. Those eyes suddenly spotted Perry and focused on him. The powerful blue eyes that had the ability to freeze him up.

"Todd, shit!" JD lightly shook Todd so he stopped. His eyes still locked on Perry's as the shock overcame his enjoyment.

Todd helped JD to his feet and turned off the shower. "Hey Doctor Cox." He said it as though nothing had gone on, continuing to hold JD's hand. Of course, being oblivious to the past of JD and Perry, Todd was unconcerned.

"Come on JD. We can always finish this later." Todd turned from Perry and cupped JD's face.

"Okay Todd." JD replied, ignoring the other man in their presence. He made a silent vow not to go back, or even think about it. He was with Todd now and Todd made him happy.

Perry, knowing he was being shunned walked away from the two of them. Trying to swallow the bitter taste in his mouth, Perry felt one rogue tear slowly roll down his cheek.

* * *

**NOTE:** JD and Todd are now together and Perry has learned his lesson, YAY! So everything is wrapped up in a neat little package now right? Not a chance :P There is still more to come on this lovely little story :-) Have a ball with this little instalment because who knows what can and will happen in the next one. Assume nothing, expect anything.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

The thoughts of JD and Todd in the shower had been plaguing him. But that morning saw Perry in a new light as he had finally decided not to take it seriously. Nothing could possibly come out of it. In Perry's mind, it was all just his ex-lover trying to get a rebound fling in order to mend his broken heart. No way could he, Perry Cox, possibly be replaced by The Todd.

As Perry went about his day, he even found himself laughing about the mere notion of feeling offended by it. He still hated the fact that Todd had touched JD, though Perry's mood had found him able to brush that off as well. After all, JD had loved him and surely he hadn't had enough time to get over it yet.

Reminding himself of this regularly, Perry sniggered at his paranoia as he visited patients and caught up on paperwork. He even found himself unable to hold in a laughing fit while ordering at Coffeebucks. It dazed the various hospital personnel who had bared witness to Perry's sour moods as of late.

"Whatever you're on, I'll take two." The college kid serving the doctor at Coffeebucks almost looked excited at the possibility of getting that high. That is until Perry scowled at him and walked away with his beverage. Though before he left the coffee house, he heard the barista shout "If you ever change your mind, I'll be here."

Rolling his eyes, Perry forgot about the immature student and managed to get back to a reasonably cheerful mood as he approached the nurse's station to pick up some reports. As he neared the area, he found that many of Sacred Heart's employees were standing around gossiping.

Catching Jordan as she walked away, Perry nodded towards the group. "So what's gossip hour got for us today?" He made it sound at least somewhat apathetic, pretending not to care.

"Oh my gosh, get this Perry." Jordan leaned in a little closer, with a smile on her face. Then in the blink of an eye her look turned. "Do you really think I care what's going on in anybody's lives around here?"

"I'm sorry I mistook you for someone with a soul." Perry said before heading towards the group.

He usually didn't care about the various happenings around the hospital, even though there were the occasional news items that kept work a little interesting. However this time it was different. Perry would never admit it, but sometimes as they spoke of other people, he hoped to get updates on JD without having to talk to him. It was a little disappointing that he hadn't caught anything in passing, but he figured that no news was good news on the Dorian front.

"So Nurse Alicia really went out with the lesbian in radiology?" Perry overhead one of the nurses saying, realising that the topic of the day was not to his liking.

Putting on a sarcastic smile and girly voice, Perry replied. "Oh my god, really. Golly that is just peachy." Then turning his look to a threatening one, he eyed the doctors and nurses around him. "Listen up; we're a hospital not the social hour. If you really have that little of a life that you must insist on hearing eeeeev-er-ry-one's life story here's a thought. Why don't you get back to work before the greatest chief in the history of Sacred Heart cans your perky little behinds, okay?" Seeing the papers he needed, Perry picked it up and groaned at the group before walking away.

Heading towards the nearest supply closet, he heard Carla's voice behind him. "Hey, I wouldn't go in there if I were you."

Spinning back to her, irritated by the interruption, Perry looked at Carla seriously. "Why the hell not?"

Perry turned around to look at the closet. A medical resident was walking towards it. Before a nearby nurse could warn him, the resident opened the door. He let out a cry of surprise before slamming the door and covering his eyes. As he walked passed Perry and Carla they could hear him reciting Hail Mary's.

"Okay what the-" Perry started, only to be confronted by the answer. Stepping out of the closet was JD, pulling at the bottom of his scrubs top. He looked both ways before trying to walk away without drawing any attention, but unable to hide that 'I just fooled around with someone' aura about him and the huge grin on his face.

A few seconds after him, Todd emerged. His scrubs top was in his fist as he stepped out into the open. Throwing the top over his shoulder, having no qualms about being shirtless, he headed off in the other direction towards the elevator. Perry gulped as he observed them; coming to the realisation of what he had nearly walked in on.

"Yeah, they've been at it for a week." Carla informed Perry. "I caught them napping together in the on-call room last week. It was actually kind of sweet. Didn't take Todd for the cuddling type."

Elliot joined the doctor and nurse, adding her bit. "Oh are you talking about JD and The Todd, it's so weird. I saw them at the movies on the weekend looking pretty cosy."

"I know Elliot. You called me practically screaming down the phone, remember?"

"Cut me some slack Carla, I totally freaked out. I was going to talk to them but they just started kissing and were pretty into each other so I just left them alone." She sighed at the memory it brought forth. "It's like high school date night all over again."

"Cosy? Sweet? I think the word you're looking for is 'Holy Shit.'" Perry added, trying to keep some reserve about him.

"Doctor Cox, how do you think I feel? JD may be your protégé but I slept with him." Elliot turned to Carla again. "Do you reckon it will go anywhere? Maybe we should talk to him about it. He has seemed a little down lately and this whole dating guys thing may be some weird phase."

"Turk told me to leave it alone. Apparently, Todd's liked JD for awhile and they've been flirting a bit." Carla was explaining as the gossip group gathered around her again. "It's only recently they've confessed that they like each other. Now they're actually going out. Besides, you can't really say you're surprised at his sexuality."

Perry didn't know why he stayed. A part of his mind still refused to believe that JD and Todd was more than a one-night rebound fling. He stepped back a bit, to appear nonchalant and listened to the various tid-bits being said about JD's forming relationship.

"The Todd actually likes someone, oh that's cute. Kind of disturbing, but still cute. Maybe JD will stop him from being such a slimy jerk."

"Come to think of it, they're kind of perfect for each other; happy weirdos who could never find the right relationship."

"I always knew JD liked guys. Who called it! No offence Dr Reid."

"Hey do you think that Todd was that person JD was hooking up with but no-one knew who it was? Speaking of which how did no-one know who it was?"

Everyone seemed to look at Carla for the answer and she squeezed in her extra information. "No but I heard that JD and Todd hooked up while he was still going out with the mystery person."

Perry's face reddened, he stormed away from the group. No way was he going to believe such a thing. Then the night at the bar came back to him. The words he heard, that made no sense at the time.

"_I chose you, Perry."_

Suddenly his mind flashed to the night he had spent at JD's apartment, before the particularly depressing morning after. Todd had been there when he arrived. It had meant nothing at the time, Perry barely acknowledged Todd was there. However, upon remembering it dawned on him just how far back this whole thing potentially went. He couldn't help but wonder exactly how long it was.

He had been so consumed with his own family and work that it had never occurred to him that JD could have possibly found someone else, someone who could potentially offer more for him. Even though he'd secretly wanted JD to find someone better, for the first time Perry started to understand how JD felt; the envy that came from knowing the one you think of is being touched by another. The new craziness that stemmed from it slowly overtook Perry's mind.

At this new found fact, Perry knew he needed a distraction and fast. Running a hand through his hair he formed an idea. He didn't just need a distraction, but a reminder of why he had broken it off with JD in the first place; a kick up the bum to remember all the other stuff besides petty jealousy. With a forced grin in place, he found himself heading to doctor's lounge.

Just as he suspected, Jordan was there. "Somebody order a hot steaming plate of Perry." Shedding his white coat, he flexed slightly in order for Jordan to get the hint.

"I thought I got rid of you by the nurse's station." Jordan sighed, looking frustrated as she knew what Perry clearly wanted. "Go away."

"Come on Jordan, if we're going to be a couple we may as well be a hot couple." Perry rushed over to the couch, his lustful eyes burning into hers.

"I'm not in the mood, so leave me alone." Jordan stood up with her arms crossed. "What has gotten into you? You've been getting really horny lately and it's creeping me out."

"Jeepers Jordan, I'm having a hard day, I have a meeting in twenty minutes and I felt like relieving some tension." Perry sat down beside her. Slowly and seductively he snuck a hand up her top, giving her breast a squeeze. "How about it? You used to love sex in public."

Jordan eased his hand out from under her blouse. "If you want it that badly, go to the bathroom and use your hand."

"Why must you insist on being such a bitch!" Perry snapped with his mood once again dampened. "Can't you at least throw me a hot hate quickie?"

A malicious smile donned the woman's face. She knew she could get away with this behaviour. "I do this to keep you in your place. Now I'm going to get coffee. See you at home."

* * *

After finishing his lunch, JD decided to catch up with Todd before his schedualed surgery. With a skip in his step, JD walked towards the operating rooms. Sure enough he found Todd humming to himself as he performed some agility exercises. For a few moments, JD just watched Todd and admiring all that his boyfriend was.

"JD, what's going on?" Todd turned to JD, flexing his fingers and stepping closer.

JD rolled his eyes slightly. "You know you don't have to air grope me anymore. Feel free to touch."

"I'm just doing some finger exercises. Helps before surgery so I don't cramp up, not that I've ever had a problem with that." Todd explained before a twinkle came to his eyes. "But since you've given The Todd an invitation, get over here." He grabbed JD and pulled him out of the hallway and into the more private area. "Have you come back for more?"

"I think people are talking about us." JD whispered, giving Todd a quick peck on the lips.

Todd cheekily pinched JD's bottom. "Nothing wrong with that."

"Hey, not so hard with the bum pinchies." JD grabbed Todd's hands, intertwining their fingers. "I just think it's kind of cool we can be more open."

"Does that mean we can do it in public?" Todd replied, jokingly yet still somewhat serious.

JD smacked him playfully. "I don't know, maybe." He let go of Todd's hands, sliding his arms around Todd's neck instead. "I'll tell you one thing we can do in public though."

JD gave Todd a few light kisses on his lips. This encouraged an enthusiastic Todd who proceeded in smothering JD's face in smooches. JD giggled wildly as the endearments continued on his neck and Todd nestled his head there comfortably. JD softly nuzzled Todd's temple, coaxing a whisper of approval, before lightly blowing over Todd's ear, teasing him with warm breath.

"Oh, blowing in the ear. You know what that does to me." Picking JD up, Todd sat him on the countertop and looked up at him. "You're so hot."

JD opened up his arms, easing Todd into a hug. He cradled Todd's head against his body as a pair of arms slid around his waist. Stroking the nape of Todd's neck with his fingertips, JD leaned down and inhaled the scent that lingered. He loved smelling Todd's shampoo, manly yet sweet just like him.

"Oh yeah, just keep going like that." Todd practically moaned the words.

JD raised a curious eyebrow. "Are you getting excited by this?" He kept running his fingers gently over Todd's doo-rag covered head to the back of the neck. JD loved knowing that such a simple action could make Todd quiver in such a way.

"I'm always excited around you. That's why I picked you to be The Todd's only one."

"Okay then, my only one. I was thinking tonight we could go out for pizza. Just something laid back." JD suggested, picking up Todd's face and smiling.

"Well, there's a game on tonight, I was planning to watch it." Todd pouted, looking a little disappointed. His eyes darted back and forth as he appeared to be making a decision.

"I'll watch it with you." JD piped up. "We can have the pizza delivered, pick up some beer and whenever your team scores we can make out."

Todd gave him an incredulous look. "Dude, you hate sports."

"I don't hate them completely. I'm just not very good at them." JD fingered Todd's earlobe. "I want to spend some time with you." He preyed that he wasn't coming off too clingy, but JD soon realised that Todd was flattered by someone wanting to be around him so much.

"Well the game would be a lot sexier if you'd watch it with me, especially if you keep petting me like you were just doing." Todd pulled JD down from the table and into his arms. "You know, there's some good sun today. How about after the surgery, you and I go to the roof and strip down?"

"No." JD replied a little too hastily, he didn't want to go to the roof. In fact he never wanted to go up there again. He managed to smooth over his outburst. "No sunscreen and I have a lot of patients."

"That's cool." Todd cuddled JD closer to him. "I don't want anyone else checking you out anyway."

Turk popped into view, baring witness to the couple's little affectionate display. It took a moment to register what he was seeing. Sure he hadn't seen either of them this happy in a while, but Turk secretly wished he hadn't encouraged them.

"Please, the people in this hospital are already sick."

JD shot a look to his best friend. "Don't listen to him Todd. Let's make out in front of him."

"No can do I'm afraid. I have to get my soap on." Pushing his face as close as possible, Todd spoke so only him and JD could hear. "Meet you in the locker rooms?"

JD nodded and sealed his promise with eskimo kisses. "Of course."

Turk put up his hand to shield his eyes from the endearment. "It ain't right!"

JD waved Todd off before walking with Turk down the hallway. The skip was still in his step and a smile still on his face. Turk rolled his eyes and sighed aloud. For awhile the friends didn't speak. JD was off in fantasies of him and Todd kissing each other all over, while Turk was trying to get the images out of his head.

It was only when they were sitting down at Coffeebucks with beverages that Turk broke the silence. "So you and Todd are really going out."

"Yeah we are." It was so simple and open, but after everything he'd been through the simple fact of being able to admit his relationship and share it was thrilling.

"You know I was just trying to make you feel better." Turk cried out. "You're a self saboteur and Todd's well Todd! I didn't expect for you guys to actually do it."

JD smirked and sniggered a little. "Well you can't take it back now, ha!" He pointed a finger at Turk to emphasise his point.

Turk's voice took a more serious note. "JD, it's going to take some getting used to but I want you to be happy, whoever it's with. You could do a lot worse, heck you have done a lot worse."

"Hey, come on now." JD took a sip of his coffee. Of course he knew that Turk felt that way all along, but it wasn't going to sway him. "Heck, _I_ didn't think we'd actually do it. Thing is Turk, we are going out, we really like each other and I know that you have a weird thing about it but I want you to be supportive. I'm sure Todd wants it too."

Turk sighed, putting up his hand in an accepting surrender. "Just please cut down on the PDA."

"Well unfortunately Turk, we just agreed to be more open." JD smiled, secretly loving that it was making his friend squirm.

"Oh man, give a brother a break!"

"I love it when Todd kisses my neck. He knows all the right spots, like he has a treasure map of my skin." JD felt tingles run up his spine and he shivered at the mere memories then couldn't help but wonder about skin treasure maps. "X marks the spot....Do you I could sneak another kiss before his surgery?"

Before Turk could answer, Carla joined their table. "As long as you're happy Bambi, I'm sure Turk will support whatever you do. Right, baby?"

"Chocolate Bear will come around. He can't resist." JD winked and smiled at his friend.

Turk shook his head, knowing that he was just going to get ribbed by his wife and best friend as long as he sat there. Picking up his coffee, he left the table. Suddenly the vibe at the table turned serious. JD tried to pinpoint the reason why and then he noticed the look on Carla's face.

"JD listen, you don't have to explain to me that Todd makes you happy. Seriously, it's good to see you like this again." Carla explained, though she clearly looked a little conflicted about bringing up something. "The fact that Todd can commit to someone proves that miracles happen."

"I know people are talking and they're probably shocked, but I don't care." JD told her, swirling the contents of his coffee cup. "All I care about is Todd. You know he's deeper than people give him credit for."

Placing a hand over JD's, Carla's tone turned very motherly. "It's okay. I'm not going to butt into your life on that front, but I am going to tell you this. Not everyone will be excited about you two getting together."

"I'm sure Turk will accept it in a matter of weeks. He won't say it but I know he's happy for us already."

"I'm not talking about Turk." Carla explained, biting her lip slightly. "I'm just saying be prepared for the possibility of someone getting upset if you're a little too 'friendly' in public."

JD only had to look in her eyes to realise that Carla had someone specific in mind. He couldn't really think of anyone who'd be completely against it. No-one in the hospital was especially homophobic, despite the few that may frown upon it. Then a random thought occurred to him.

"Is Elliot upset with it because she still hoped we'd get back together someday?"

Carla didn't reply. She just stood up from her chair. "Just think about it, Bambi." With that comment, the nurse took her order and her knowledge away.

* * *

**NOTE: **So it looks like the self-hating narcissist that a lot of readers love to hate is getting a little realisation. Perry has to hit rock bottom in order to build himself up if he wants a chance to get JD back. But with such beautiful "awww"-worthy JDodd going on, is there even a possibility? What else could go on in this lovely but angsty story? Soon, my loyal and new readers, soon :-) In the meantime, enjoy and review!


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

That particular morning saw JD snuggling deep into Todd's sheets after a night of kinky play. One of many nights they had shared, along with many fun dates, during the beginning of their relationship. A smile was plastered on his face as he could smell breakfast coming from the kitchen.

Opening his eyes, JD looked at the ceiling and simply savoured the moment. His body had healed and not been abused again. He was more upbeat than ever, which resulted in a better work ethic, not to mention extra living room dancing. There were actual outings involved with his boyfriend, with public displays of affection.

Behind closed doors, Todd's kinky foreplay had added new tricks to his repertoire and alerted him to many previously untouched moan zones. Not only had JD been the recipient of some powerful orgasms, but he had been able to return the favour which Todd much appreciated. A few times Todd had commented on how much better and intimate sex was when feelings were involved, making him even more grateful to JD. Life was good.

Todd soon joined him in the bedroom. His face sported a 'how did I get so lucky' look. As JD stared back at Todd with the same thoughts, there was a moment of contentment. The surgeon jumped on the bed, tackling JD into a cuddle and planting kisses on whatever part of his naked, giggling boyfriend he managed to hit. Soon enough JD managed to find Todd's lips and return a few gentle, romantic pecks.

"Good morning, I've made us breakfast." Todd pulled JD on top of him, trailing cashmere-gloved hands up JD's sides.

"Oooo, cashmere." JD shivered as the material brushed against his body. He smiled at the feel of gloved fingers teasing his back. "I'd love to cuddle with you but I have to go really soon."

"Do you have to go into work this morning?" Todd moved his hands down and stroked JD's extra sensitive lower back, letting one finger slide to the top of his crack, teasing the area.

"Oh god, stop doing sexy things!"

"But it's our three week anniversary and The Todd can do so much more with these gloves. I know how much you're loving this."

JD shivered as his lower back went crazy with tingles and a fingertip continued stimulating the top of his sensitive ass crack. "That cashmere feels so good mmmmm…but I have patients to take care of and because of you being so cheeky I've fallen a little behind."

"That's not my fault. You walk around wearing those navy scrubs." Todd let out a little moan of lust as he shut his eyes and pictured it. "You're such a tease."

JD sat up, straddling his lover and grabbing Todd's gloved hands to stop him pushing any more buttons. "Well you walk around revealing your arms." He leaned down, playfully biting Todd's tattoo. "Strong, manly, tasty arms."

"JD likes the guns." Todd stated as though making a mental note. Flexing his arms, he winked at his lover. "You can touch them all you like, the safety's on."

"No, don't tempt me! I have to get up for work. Some of us didn't get the morning off." JD turned away, groping around on the floor for his clothes.

Todd lay on the bed, suggestively stroking the empty space next to him. "Come on JD, just a quickie before work? You have time for that."

"Todd do you remember the last time we had a 'quickie?' It ended up lasting three hours!" JD tried to avoid jumping back into the bed by facing away from Todd.

"I don't remember you complaining at the time." Todd reached over, managing to run a hand up JD's inner thigh.

"Stop that!" Dressing himself quickly, he spun around to see Todd watching him with a smile. "I'll see you later."

Swiftly Todd sprung out of bed and pulled JD into a hug. He held JD possessively close to his body and nestled his head in JD's neck, which had become a favoured place. JD relished in the safety of Todd's arms until the last second when he knew he must leave.

"I'm going to be late." JD pulled away from Todd. "Have fun but not too much fun."

"You know I'll be in later. Workout, surgery and then we can have a little encore in the small lecture hall." Todd called out after him.

JD grabbed what he could for breakfast and skipped out to his scooter. He couldn't remember the last time he had been so happy and overjoyed. Everything in his world just seemed so much brighter since he and Todd became official.

As he parked outside Sacred Heart, JD almost felt happy about going into the building. It didn't matter that it was full of sick people and the man who had scorned him. Nothing could kill his mood, not even the Janitor's evil eye as he walked through the front doors.

"Good morning Carla. Aren't you looking lovely today." JD greeted her cheerfully, picking up a chart and flicking through it.

"Bambi, were you rehearsing some scenes from Dr Acula last night?" Carla smirked, following it with a slight giggle.

JD's eyes went wide. He spotted a nurse with a compact and grabbed it from her. Looking into the mirror he gasped at the few noticeable hickeys displayed on his neck. Grinning sheepishly, JD handed the compact back and strutted back over to Carla. He made a promise to himself not to care what anyone thought.

"Looks like The Todd can do his job correctly." Carla remarked before JD could say anything. "So tell me, did he end up buying the cashmere scarf?"

"Since when did you and Todd become all best-friendy?" JD asked, unable to control his beaming at the thought of cashmere against his skin.

"Since when did you get all secretive? Come on, tell me."

"No, he didn't buy the cashmere scarf." JD replied, having a flash back and grinning. "He bought the gloves."

Checking on his patients, everything seemed fine. It was a drama free morning, which came around very rarely in the hospital. JD felt good that he could just relax with some of his patients and friends, as well as stealing a few moments to himself every now and again.

Sitting in the doctor's lounge, sipping a coffee JD was enjoying watching some television. At least he was pretending to watch while systematically drifting off into his fantasy world. He loved being truly happy. Even more he loved knowing that other people knew about him and Todd, meaning he could discuss it openly. The openness did take a bit of getting used to, but it made JD appreciate the simple moments like a hug or kiss in the halls and holding hands.

"Hey there geek, how are you today?" Jordan stepped into the doctor's lounge, drinking her own cup of coffee.

"Not bad dragon lady, how are you?" JD greeted Jordan with a grin.

"Calm down DJ, the only reason I'm talking to you is we seem to have something in common." Jordan tugged at a scarf on her neck, revealing her own set of hickeys. "Perry has been getting aggressively handsy. I figured as his little bitch-boy you might be able to tell me why."

"I have no idea." JD felt the awkwardness ruining his good day. The last thing he wanted to talk about was Perry, especially with Jordan.

"Oh geez what good are you?" Jordan sipped her coffee. "You seem to like being marked territory."

"Well see Jordan I actually like intimate moments with people I care about."

"I care so little I almost died." Jordan replied, her apathetic smirk remaining.

Feeling angry at the woman for messing with his day JD quipped back as he stood up. "We can only hope." Turning on his heel he left the room as quickly as possible.

* * *

Perry wandered the halls, completely frustrated. His office had just become too small and his home felt unwelcoming. He had tried to visit the gym earlier, only to run into Todd working on his arms. The bar was of no comfort, considering what had happened there, so a lunchtime scotch was out of the question. It was difficult to escape the fact that JD had well and truly moved on from him.

One part of Perry was happy and relieved. There were no secrets anymore. He wasn't lying to Jordan and the kids. His anger was under control and JD wasn't getting hurt by his hand. These were the new aspects of the situation that he tried to focus on as he went about the day. It was pointless though, as he could never forget the envy and the memories which bound him to John Dorian.

Walking passed the doctor's lounge he spotted the two love birds on the couch. JD was reading from some medical textbooks. Todd watched Sportscenter on TV while occasionally leaning over to kiss or smell his companion. They looked so happy that it made Perry sick. However, just like the first time and others over the weeks, he found himself unable to look away.

JD shivered and commented on the cold. Todd produced a blanket, wrapping it around JD so they both cuddled into it. The couple kissed as they seemed to enjoy the new warmth.

"Todd did you steal a blanket from housekeeping?" JD questioned, playing with Todd's hands.

"Can't have my boyfriend being cold." Todd stated, pulling JD onto his lap and deeper into the blanket.

"Awww, that's sweet." JD shut his book, turning his complete attention to Todd. "So what has been your favourite moment since having J-Dizzle as your official and exclusive man candy?" He asked with a huge smile on his face.

"When your bruises healed and we could finally have full blown sex." Todd kissed JD again. "Not that the foreplay isn't fun."

Rolling his eyes at the obvious Todd answer, JD replied. "So sex is the only thing you like about me is it?"

"That's not true." Todd squeezed him tight. "There was our day off when we took Sam to the zoo. That was cool…" unable to resist the opportunity to tease his boyfriend, Todd grinned and added "…especially when you were eating that hot dog."

"That's it! You're going down!"

Perry watched as the couple began to play fight. The medical textbook fell to the floor; the lovers seemed to disappear as they sank into the couch, laughing and wrestling. Neither of them cared or knew about the man spying at the door and more than anything Perry wished that JD would acknowledge him.

"Tough break." Carla appeared out of nowhere, eyeing the scene which now showed the couple making out. "They seem really happy together."

"This is disgusting. It's a hospital not a brothel!" Perry angered up and prepared to storm in.

"So when you and JD were sneaking around it was okay?" Carla replied, stopping Perry in his tracks. She demanded with her eyes that Perry leave JD and Todd alone.

As Carla walked away, Perry followed her. "How did you know about-"

"You and Bambi? Please. You were hardly James Bond about hiding it." Carla explained as though she was stating the obvious.

"Okay now how about you tell me how you really found out instead of this 'nurses know everything' crap that you expect me to believe." Perry grunted, anxious to know what Carla did.

Turning around and getting in his face, Carla raised a finger. "Don't talk to me like that." Opening the door to Perry's office, she motioned him into the more private quarters. "Okay, I caught you two kissing on the roof access stairs awhile ago."

"Just so you know it was just a sexual tension thing."

Hands on hips, Carla shook her head. "Who do you think you're talking to Perry? I see the way you look at him. As much as you deny it, you love and crave the attention as much as he used to from you. Even though you have Jordan and two kids, whenever JD and Todd share a little affection you stand back, sulking and wishing it was you. What were you thinking?"

Frustrated, Perry took a seat and grunted. "What does it matter Carla? We've both moved on. I'm taking care of my family and Newbie has got his lovely thing going with The Todd. Oh my god just saying that makes me sick."

"You still have feelings for JD, don't you?" Carla's voice became more sympathetic. "You've been trying to do the right thing, but you care about him."

"No I do not!" Perry replied with certainty, though soon began squirming under Carla's accusing eyes. "Maybe a little but it doesn't matter any more as long as nobody else but you and your butcher husband know. So since we all know you can't keep a secret, dare I ask?"

Carla gasped at this new information. "Turk knew? I wonder why he didn't tell me."

"Maybe because he knows you too well and figured that once you knew the whole hospital would." Perry stated through a sarcastic, gritted teeth smile.

"Watch it Perry! If you really think I'd hurt a family over a piece of gossip, then you're in trouble." Carla gave him a warning look, before answering his question. "But since you ask it's just me and I guess Turk, unless JD has told Todd. I have to say I'm impressed you managed to keep it down to just that. Then again, people are probably just too scared to spread gossip about the man who could fire them at any second."

Perry shook his head, remembering the scene he walked in on in the showers. The moment which haunted him more than any other public display the couple had indulged in. "Well one thing's for sure JD wouldn't tell Todd. Not after everything that's happened. In fact I don't even think he wants to know of my existence anymore."

"That hurts you, doesn't it?"

Perry looked into her concerned eyes. Carla was the one person in the hospital he could trust, especially since she just seemed to know him so well. Only to her would he admit the truth, if not even to himself. "Like hell."

* * *

Relieved that the day was finally over, Todd and JD were getting ready for the night ahead. They had planned to go out for a casual but nice dinner before going back to JD's apartment. Both had been antsy and excited all afternoon.

Walking towards the exit, the two were hand in hand. JD gave Todd's hand a squeeze, swinging their hands back and forth between them, almost to emphasise and broadcast to anyone nearby that they were a couple. He couldn't help but love doing that, it was cheaper and more modest than a big colourful billboard bragging about it, a thought which had come to mind once or twice.

"When we get back to your place, I'm going to sex those blue scrubs right off." Todd whispered to JD, making him quiver with excitement. "Oh yeah and that thing you did this morning when you bit my arm, nice!"

Todd threw his arm around JD and dragged him close. JD laughed as he linked his fingers with Todd's on his shoulder. Catching their reflections in a small window, he couldn't help but see how incredibly cute they looked together.

"What are you thinking about?" Todd asked JD. "Let The Todd in to your fantasy world. Tell me what I'm doing in there."

"Working magic with peaches and cream." JD bit Todd's earlobe.

Todd shivered in lust, pinning JD against the wall. "Make out with me right here."

JD protested, turning his head. "Our reservations are at six thirty. We have to go home and get ready." His argument didn't matter because he gave in as his boyfriend pressed against him.

"Actually you better cancel those reservations that you've got going." Perry stormed up to the couple, causing them to break apart. He had his serious face on, which signalled that he meant business and was possibly going to rant. "Good to see that you two finally came up for air. Maybe now you'll realise that this building is in fact a hospital and not the set of a smut flick, although the whole naughty nurse genre seems to argue against that point. Now hopefully that has penetrated your extremely thick skulls enough to realise that you are in fact doctors. Though I have to say I use the term lightly."

"What's your point Doctor Cox?" JD asked, emphasising the fact that he now referred to his former lover as Doctor Cox.

"That's Chief Doctor Cox to you and Newbie, you're on call. So you and your incredibly gay boyfriend are going to have to practise mouth to mouth some other time." Perry pushed a chart in JD's chest, clearly proud of his accomplishment.

"Uncool!" Todd cried out after Perry before shooting JD a disappointed look. "Tomorrow then?"

"We'll see." JD gave Todd a quick kiss before running to catch up with Perry.

As though he predicted exactly what JD would do, Perry laughed the moment he heard running feet catching up to him. What he didn't know is that the younger doctor meant business.

"You're a pathetic asshole." JD spat at Perry, grabbing his arm with surprising strength.

"Oh I'm sorry. Here I thought you took an oath and had a sense of responsibility to your patients instead of your libido. Then again, maybe I'm just dreaming."

JD nodded with an angry smirk on his face. "You throw me away like garbage and now that I'm not paying poor little Perry any attention anymore you get all upset and change my scheduale."

Perry laughed in JD's face, leaning against the wall behind him. "Don't flatter yourself that this has anything to do with you."

JD's anger caught him off guard. "Fuck you Perry." He went to turn away and leave the boss to his business though he suddenly had a thought. "There is a roof at Sacred Heart."

"I beg your pardon." Perry wasn't sure why but the mention of the roof paralysed him, despite his wish to walk away.

"A roof." JD repeated with his eyes wide. He stared right into Perry's face. "Remember where we used to do all that stuff to each other. So no matter if you separate Todd and me tonight, we can find so many ways to be together. Supply closets, doctor's lounge oh and your personal favourite, the showers. All of it, right under your nose."

"Looks like you've went and got yourself a big boy spine there." Perry leaned into JD with rage in his eyes. "Too bad I don't give a damn."

"Todd knows how to treat me. He touches me better than you ever could. I always did prefer a kiss to a kick."

"Shut up!" Perry snapped, signalling that JD had gotten to him.

JD's only reply was a look of satisfaction and a good old-fashioned storm out. Perry stared after him. Shaking the feelings off, he walked out the front doors preparing for a night off.

* * *

**NOTE:** That Carla, she knows all! Looks like JD has learned to stand up to his tormentor. But no matter how upset Perry gets, he can't stop the JDodd from getting even closer. Or will he find a way? The next chapter is looking to be a sweet and sexy one indeed. Are you ready for it? Huh? Are you :-) Thanks for reading/reviewing/followng the story!


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

JD strutted along the halls of the hospital in a cheerful mood. It was one of those times when things were looking up for him, despite Perry's attempts at sabotaging him. The annual hospital picnic was that weekend, which his son would be attending with Kim. His relationship with Todd had been going smoothly, with the couple sharing more unforgettable time together when they could. The night before had seen him get a good night sleep and some tranquil time alone since Todd was on call, which he needed to recharge his batteries.

From his pocket, his cell phone began to vibrate. Loverboy's "Working for the Weekend," which had been designated as Todd's personal ring tone, began playing. JD let out a happy squeal as he picked up the phone. "Everybody's working for the weekend, everybody wants a little romance- hello there Todd, how is my boyfriend today?"

"Okay. Just chilling out, watching Harry Potter." Todd replied, before putting on his sexy voice. "Wishing you were here to make my magic wand go Wingardium Leviosa if you know what I mean."

JD laughed at the comparison. He had really become amazed at Todd's ability to make everything sexy, despite his boyfriend's habit of overdoing it sometimes. "I'm going up to see Sam later. I'm staying the night and we're all coming to the hospital picnic tomorrow."

"Well, The Todd can't wait until then" was the blunt reply, followed by a slight grunt. A confused JD wondered what to say, when Todd's voice filled his ear again. "Hey JD, tell me what you're wearing."

"I'm at the hospital, I'm wearing scrubs." JD rolled his eyes, wondering what Todd was getting at.

"Not in my imagination you're not. Oh yeah, now what are you wearing?"

JD's eyes opened with realisation. "Todd, we can't have phone sex in the hospital!" Though in preparation, he found himself contradicting his statement by ducking into the nearest closet.

"Come on JD." Todd pleaded before turning it back on almost straight away. "You smell so good I have to kiss you."

As what usually happened, the moment the suggestion was made JD pictured it in his mind. "I love kissing you." Giving into the mere thought of Todd's mouth and tongue, he found himself going along with it. "What are you doing now?"

"I'm lying on top of you, completely naked. Oh you feel so good; so soft and perfect. Wait a minute, you have pants on. Naughty naughty JD." Todd's voice broke and shook, as the fantasies he was fuelling turned him on. "I'm removing them for you, so slowly, while I kiss this little spot on your hip. You know the one."

"No, take them off fast." JD let out a whine that came out sounding very horny. "You know what kissing that spot does to me. I want you now."

"Maybe I'll just keep lapping at that spot, driving you crazy. Or your belly button. Oh yes, you like have your navel licked don't you."

The area around JD's navel was tingling to extremes. Suddenly his scrubs pants felt a size too small. He looked down, realising just how hard he was. A part of him was surprised that he hadn't burst through the front.

"You're making me shiver." JD reached inside his pants, gripped his manhood and began jerking off. "So tickly, but so hot. Come on, move below the waist."

"Not just yet, baby. The Todd is rubbing oil all over you. All over your soft, quivering body. Making you hard for me." Todd's voice was so low and seductive. "And slippery when wet."

JD could see everything clearly in his mind. He wanted this to be happening at that moment, but JD was more than willing to accept it. His rubbing and pumping became more vigorous as Todd described an oily massage in such erotic detail that JD couldn't help but wonder how many his lover had given in the past. He made a quick mental note to stock up on massage oil.

"Tell me JD. What are you doing to me?" Todd groaned into the phone, alerting JD to the fact that they were simultaneously getting off.

"I'm rubbing my oily body up against you. Scratching your thighs because I know you like that. But I know what else you like even more." JD grinned mischievously making blowing sounds. "I'm leaning over and I'm blowing over your ear. Pushing against you so you can feel how hot and hard I am."

"Oh you know how I roll…Yes…keep going."

"Do you want it Todd, do you? You're-oh god- you're so hot. Especially when you're all sweaty and horny." JD loved feeling so in control, even if it wasn't technically real. In his mind, anything was possible and he liked it; the one benefit of having such an overactive imagination. "Wow, so buff! Let me just grab your arms. Strong, sexy arms… Oh, you like it when I bite your biceps… Let me pin you down because I'm going to devour you…. your calves look appetising, I'm lifting your legs up…Yum yum flexible one."

"You think you're going to top me are you?" Todd replied, before swallowing a gulp and letting out a lustful cry. "Go right ahead! You're sexy when you're feisty…Oh God! Devour The Todd with your amazing mouth."

JD shut his eyes, jerking himself off and feeling the pre-cum flow. He felt powerful and confident, though barely able to keep the phone to his ear. "Open wide for JD…Let me feel that hole. I'm circling it with my fingers, just coaxing you… Prepping you. You know you love it when I tease you. Like when I bite your toes!"

"So good…You're amazing! Bite me JD!"

"You want it? Show me how badly you want me Todd. I have two fingers inside you, brushing your prostate…while my free hand works your big fat penis…You like that?" Hearing a deep moan from the other end caused a vibration throughout JD's body and mind. "Well, well you're throbbing. You really want it don't you? You've got it. Oh yeah! Let me just remove my fingers."

"Don't leave The Todd hanging baby. I'm grinding you now. Do me!"

"Wait a second…I'm throbbing for you… getting in position…Bam! Thrust, thrust I'm thrusting!" JD cried out, a little surprised by his talent for dirty talk. "I'm inside you now Todd! My cock is pounding your ass. Feel it slamming."

"Faster! Harder! JD. JD. JD!" Were the last words JD heard before anything else Todd said became unrecognisable.

Soon after his phone fell to the ground as he escaped fully into the sex. Todd didn't even need to be there, but they were doing crazy things, regardless. He could feel the hands, the muscles, the sweat, the pounding. He could hear the words, the moans and lustful roars. The connection with Todd was so strong. A deeper connection than he thought possible.

JD fell to the floor as he released. Fumbling for his phone, he could hear Todd calling for him. Briefly he caught sight of the wet patch staining his scrubs pants. Finally realising that he was sitting on his phone, JD slowly came back into the hospital. He picked up the phone, listening to Todd's heavy breathing in time with his own.

"Wow." JD sighed into the phone. "Absolutely, wow. I think I had an out of body experience."

"Just wait until I get my hands on you for real." Todd replied a few seconds later. Even though he couldn't physically see it, JD knew the look on Todd's face was one of satisfaction. "It feels like ages since I've touched you."

"It's only been like a day." JD laughed, wiping some sweat from his brow.

"Eternity in not-touching-you time." Todd explained; his panting becoming less and less. "Since you're busy tonight, how about I call you later?"

"We'll see Todd. I better go now." JD forced himself to his feet. Feeling light-headed from the sexual high, his legs almost didn't want to co-operate. He wanted to see Todd, as much as Todd wanted to see him. "Hey, why don't you come with me tonight? I'm sure Kim wouldn't mind. I guess I'd have to ask her and its okay if you don't want to."

"Sounds awesome." Todd replied, sounding surprisingly enthusiastic.

"Okay well I guess I'll see you at four. Outside the hospital. We'll take your car okay?" JD found himself catching Todd's excitement and a grin formed on his face. "Later, Angel Cat."

"Dude, what's with the nickname?" Todd asked with confused laugher. "Sounds really gay."

"Well, Todd we are a gay couple. Or a bisexual couple made up of two guys, I guess."

"Yeah we are!" Came Todd's bursting reply. "Still, Angel Cat?"

"You're my angel, you make a cute purring noise when you sleep and you like it when I pet you. Plus it pays homage to your cat fight fetish." JD explained in a soft child-like voice, hoping Todd would accept his pet name.

"The only fetish The Todd has is a John Dorian one."

"It looks like someone wants to go for round two." JD replied flirtatiously. Then hearing someone about to enter the closet, he panicked. "Better go, see you later, bye Angel Cat!"

JD hung up the phone and tried to look as nonchalant as possible as the door opened, yet at the same time he didn't really care if anyone saw. Within seconds his high faded as Perry had joined him in the closet, shutting the door behind him to make sure of privacy. He was staring at JD with absolute seriousness in his enraged, yet tearful eyes.

"You really wanted me to hear that didn't you? Making sure I knew that you've given your new man-bag one of your patented nicknames."

"Don't flatter yourself _Doctor Cox_. I didn't know it was you." JD tried to edge past Perry to the door, only to have his arm grabbed. "Nor would I have cared. This is about me and my boyfriend."

"You actually think you mean more to him than just sex?" Perry chuckled as he stared at JD. "If you're trying to get me back by rubbing your relationship in my face, I'd say forget it."

"This is so like you." JD scoffed, jerking his arm away. "Why don't you just take your own advice and stay away?"

"Because I know you. You're a self-sabotaging commitment phobic who will ruin this relationship and come crawling back to me before you know it." Perry stated in his matter-of-fact tone.

"Like you said, I've officially nicknamed Todd. That means things are getting pretty serious." JD reached for the door handle.

"Please, you're peeing your pants at the thought of sticking it out with him." Perry smirked in satisfaction.

JD remembered the wet patch still staining the front of his scrubs pants. Normally it was something to be embarrassed about, but instead he shot Perry the smuggest look he could muster. Waving his phone past Perry's face, he smiled.

"See you at the picnic tomorrow. And don't try switching shifts, Todd and I made sure we could attend. With Turk willing to do anything to prove he's cool with me dating guys and Dr Shelley really having no life, it was more than easy." He was about to strut out the door when a thought occurred to him. "But you are right about one thing, Todd does get me wet; in a way that you never will again."

* * *

The stars were glowing by the time JD and Todd made it to Kim's house. Stopping the car, JD just sat for a moment. Feeling confused by the silence and a little concerned for his boyfriend, Todd wrapped an arm around JD.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I guess it's silly." JD leaned on Todd's shoulder and sighed. "It's just the same old stuff that always comes up regarding Sam. Don't worry."

"Come on, The Todd is here for you." Todd rubbed JD's back to relax him. "Talk to me."

"It was much easier when Kim lived closer, you know? I mean firstly she went and took Sam to England so she could 'find herself' for nearly three months, then they come back only to move three hours away."

"Three hours isn't that bad." Todd leaned over to offer JD a warm hug, still rubbing the small of his back tenderly.

"It just makes things more difficult. I try to see him as much as I can and I still get him for my days on the Sam schedule. But I already missed his first steps." JD shook his head as he felt Todd's arms wrap completely around him, feeling a little silly. "I don't want to miss any more and… I don't want him to forget me."

Tilting his partner's face up, Todd met JD's eyes. "Dude, he will never forget you. Who could? You're too perfect." Leaning in, he planted a soft and reassuring kiss on JD's lips.

"Thanks." JD breathed as their lips parted.

"You know what you need to cheer you up?" Todd leaned over and motioned behind him. "Some good old-fashioned back seat sex."

"Not now." JD laughed.

Todd hopped out of the car and rushed over to open JD's door to get him out. "Fine, come on. Let's go see the fruit of your loins."

Still feeling a little insecure, JD made sure to hold Todd's hand all the way to the door; squeezing it as he waited for Kim to answer. Warm tingles spread throughout JD's body the moment he felt Todd squeeze back. Instantly he felt a little better.

"Hey JD. Hey Todd." Kim answered the door. "Sam's just in the living room in his play pen."

Todd edged past Kim into the house. Before JD could follow, Kim stopped him at the door. She made a head motion towards Todd and a questioning look spread across her face. Leading her outside and out of earshot, JD gritted his teeth nervously and prepared for the conversation.

"So you and Todd? I kind of thought you were joking when you told me." Kim asked, still sporting a confused smile. "Then again, it clearly wasn't you who brought Sam the squishy green football. He loves that thing."

JD gulped, but finally managed to ask the question. "You don't have a problem with it, do you?"

"JD if I had a problem with it, would I let you crash on the couch?" Kim shook her head, staring out at her garden. "I was just surprised that's all."

"Truth is it's been going on for a while. He's really good to me, Kim. Plus he's good with Sam. I just don't want to jinx it." JD replied, feeling relieved that Kim seemed to be okay with his same-sex relationship. "Thanks for letting us crash here tonight."

"Just try not to flaunt it in front of Sam, okay?" Kim blurted out, her slight anxiety showing through her composure.

"Look, I just want to see my son as much as I can. Todd's a part of my life now and therefore a part of Sam's." JD explained, stepping in front of Kim so he caught her eyes. "We're not going to flaunt it and we've kept things appropriate when he's been at the apartment, but I'm not going to hide it either."

"Okay, fair enough. Though we should probably get back inside since Todd's probably figured we're talking about him; then again, maybe not." Kim led the way back into the house, shutting the door behind her and JD.

Walking to the living room, JD eyed the scene. The couch bed had been rolled out for him and Todd. At that moment, Todd sat on the bed entertaining a cheerful Sam with a blue and yellow dinosaur toy. The young tot looked even happier as he spotted his parents watching from the doorway. As they approached, Sam looked at Todd and raised his hand in what looked like a high five position.

JD couldn't help but laugh. "See look Kim, they've bonded."

Kim walked over to her son and reached for the raised hand. "Mommy is going to go to bed now sweetie." Playfully she gave Sam a hand squeeze and a kiss. "You don't mind putting him to bed? I'm just exhausted."

"Not at all." Todd answered, which astonished both JD and Kim as the surgeon went right back to playing with the child.

As Kim left for her room, JD went and joined his boyfriend and his son on the pull out bed. He lay back down and watched Sam and Todd with content. Todd held Sam up, helping him walk across the mattress. Playfully, he placed Sam on JD's tummy before getting up and putting the dinosaur toy back in the nearby playpen.

Sam noticed this and immediately started crying. He reached out in the direction of the playpen, hoping to get what he wanted. Not wanting to see the child cry, Todd swiftly reached in the playpen and pulled out the squishy green football he'd bought for the tot.

Bringing it over to the bed, Todd waved the toy in front of Sam's face to cheer him up. Sam reached for it desperately, having calmed down but still whining slightly. Todd handed the little football over before lying down next to his boyfriend.

"He's barely walking and he's already better at sports than me." JD commented, seeing how happy his son looked inspecting the football. He lifted his son into the air, admiring his happiness, before pulling him back into a hug.

"See, how could he forget you? You're a great dad, even if you suck at sports." Todd was brushing his fingers through JD's hair. "Besides, with you and Kim as parents he's going to grow up to be hot and smart too. Breaking hearts up and down the coast."

JD laughed and shut his eyes. Letting the jolts shoot up his spine as Todd played with his hair. This moment officially topped meeting David Copperfield, steak night number five with Turk and kissing Perry on his list of perfect moments. Nothing was more perfect to him then being with two of the people he cared about most in the entire world. He noticed that Todd was staring at him intently.

"What are you thinking about?" JD asked him, feeling the hand wrap further into his locks. The gentle pressure was making him quiver.

"Just how sexy you look right now." Todd leaned over and captured JD's lips in a tender kiss.

As Todd and JD broke apart, Sam let out a few gurgling noises. The child pointed to the cartoon on the television and smiled. He threw the football in their direction in what seemed to be a bid to get their attention. The two men exchanged confused smiles, sitting up and watching the screen.

"Isn't that just like fate." JD commented, trailing his fingers over Todd's thigh.

Not getting what JD was referring too, Todd turned to him. "What do you mean?"

"This is just like it was on the night when we first kissed." JD told him, motioning to his son watching cartoons and their thighs touching.

Todd wrapped an arm around JD, pulling him closer. After an hour, Sam gradually began to tire. JD noticed this and picked him up, soothing his back gently. Todd's hand soon joined JD's and their fingers intertwined on the child's back. Resting in his father's arms comfortably, Sam soon fell to sleep.

"He's cute when he sleeps." JD stated with admiration, rocking his sleeping son.

Todd pressed his lips to JD's forehead. "Just like his dad."

JD smiled and went to put Sam in his bed. The house was quiet and when he came back to the living room. JD realised that he was now completely alone with Todd and liked that fact. Not wanting to wake Kim or Sam, he led his boyfriend to the backyard.

As the cool night air touched his bare arms, JD shivered slightly. "It's a little chilly out here."

"You're cold?" Todd cuddled JD from behind and protected him from the breeze. "How's that feel?"

"Mmmm much better." JD whispered, looking up at the stars briefly before turning to Todd. "I'm so glad you came tonight."

"Hey, I was more than happy to come." Todd squeezed JD tighter.

"Okay I have to say something." JD started before he met Todd's eyes seriously and smiled. "I really like you a lot and I want you in my life as much as possible. It may be kind of early, but I can see us getting serious. Plus Sam likes you so I don't think I can get rid of you now. I just wanted to know what you thought because I have this habit of rushing things and-"

Todd put a finger to JD's lips, silencing him. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Who'd ever thought we'd be in a relationship?" JD rested on Todd's shoulder, before freaking out about what he said.

Todd stroked JD's cheek. "I always knew you were into me. It was only a matter of time before you ended up The Todd zone."

"What are you talking about?" JD looked up at his boyfriend, confused. Still, he decided just to let it go as he met Todd's smiling chocolate eyes. Nothing else mattered but the moment at hand. "You're so weird, but I wouldn't want to be with anyone else."

"Me neither." Todd pressed his forehead to JD's, remembering their special conversation earlier that day. "You rock my world."

Allowing their desires to take over, the couple found themselves lip locked. Making out passionately, they collapsed on the grass. Greedy hands explored in desperation, grabbing and scratching. Shirts were hastily removed and became distant memories somewhere nearby. Their naked midsections pressed together, rubbing against each other. They both let the amazing feelings wash over them.

"Are we really going to do this here?" JD asked, pecking Todd on the lips.

Todd was clearly in a state of arousal, but was unable to ignore his respect for JD. "If you want to."

"Well I promised Kim we would keep it cool." JD bit his lip as Todd's stroking fingers sent warm tingles throughout his body. "Then again, they're both asleep and their windows face the front." Looking up at Todd's face, JD grinned at his boyfriend's expression. "Plus you clearly want it, don't you."

Feeling relief that JD was up for it too, Todd nodded. "Oh yeah."

JD surrendered back into Todd's kiss, undoing his lover's jeans before removing them. He made quick work of the banana hammock underneath, freeing Todd completely. His own pants and underwear came off with such ease as Todd swiftly relieved him of them. Their naked bodies rolled around, absorbed in each other.

The grass and breeze offered a cool rush as their temperatures rose dramatically. JD soon found himself on top of Todd, staring down at him with lust in his eyes. He swooped down and bit Todd's shoulder, then his neck. Playfully he nibbled Todd's bottom lip. He loved hearing the yells of pleasure the resulted.

Unable to wait anymore, Todd pinned JD so he had the upper hand. Looking to JD's face to make sure he was ready, he was met with a slight nod and desperate eyes. Todd massaged JD's thighs, trying to relax him. Watching as the beautiful, lust filled doe-eyes closed and he panted. Seeing JD thrust upwards, indicating that he wanted it.

Todd took a deep breath, stroking between JD's legs. Only with this man did he feel so sweaty and slightly nervous before sex. No longer did he have the arrogant god complex where all that mattered was getting off. Todd wanted JD to enjoy their time together too. While he made sure his lover knew their relationship was deeper, Todd loved to give JD pleasure and satisfaction, whether he topped or not. He looked up to the moon as he fingered JD's hole. Todd regained his confidence as he heard JD's sharp breaths.

"Come on Todd, I want you where all of nature can see us!" JD moaned, a little too loudly. Todd moved his free hand to JD's mouth, where his lover sucked his fingers lightly with a few teasing nips.

"Wait just a minute." Todd reached for his jeans nearby. Searching the pockets, he finally found what he was looking for.

JD looked at the little tube with curiosity. "Since when did you start carrying lubricant in your pocket?"

"Around someone as hot as you, The Todd has to have a supply just in case." Todd opened the tube and prepared himself, not taking his eyes off a horny JD as he applied a nice coat to his errection.

Todd knew he couldn't hold back any longer. He raised JD's legs and put himself into a comfortable kneeling stance. Positioning his cock at the entrance of JD's asshole, Todd prepared himself. He looked into JD's loving eyes, reaching over and pressing a soft kiss to his mouth. Taking a deep breath, he took JD's hand in his own before he finally thrust into his lover and made them one.

* * *

**NOTE:** Things are heating up in more ways than one. JDodd smut and sweetness makes for an interesting chapter LOL :-) Keeping things rolling until Chapter 15 which is looking awesome already. JD will have a lot more than getting his face painted like a cougar to deal with at this year's hospital picnic. But back to the moment, hope you enjoyed this chapter and if you did, click that groovy little review button and say so :-P


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

The hospital picnic was happening down at the local park. All the usual food tables and tents were set up near a big Sacred Heart banner. Various doctors and their families were standing around talking, or sitting on their blankets. Over-enthusiastic as always, Elliot had insisted on decorating to make things sparkle that extra little bit.

Kim had never really cared much for the hospital picnic but having missed Sacred Heart's shindig for the past two years, she suddenly felt nostalgic as she watched from a distance. Pushing Sam in a stroller, she walked over to Elliot who was fixing up a loose streamer on one of the tents.

"Omigod Kim! How are you?" Elliot stopped what she was doing and became engrossed in the conversation already. "I haven't seen you since before you went away. So, how was England?"

"Cold, but a good experience nonetheless." Seeing that Elliot clearly wanted to hold Sam Kim took him from the stroller and handed him over. "There you go."

Elliot developed the tears in her eyes that always formed around baby related matters as she cuddled Sam to her. Snapping back to the moment, Elliot turned her attention to Kim again. "Where's JD?"

"He and Todd were coming down in his car. They should be here pretty soon." Finally near someone she could trust with her secret fears, Kim led Elliot away from people who could potentially hear them. "Look about JD and Todd-"

'Aren't they cute together?" Elliot gushed, before turning serious again. "I know I was weirded out at first too. I mean, JD was my fall back guy if I didn't get married by the time I'm forty kind of deal and now he's boning a guy. Not to mention Todd, I mean he's this surprising romantic." Unable to hide her envy and depression at being single, she sighed. "I should have accepted The Todd's offers when I had the chance."

"Okay, Elliot how long has it been?" Kim snapped her fingers, trying to get her friend's focus back. "Besides, I'm not really sure but I think they had sex in my house last night."

As though she felt her presence was needed, Carla joined the chatting blondes. "Kim I know in your experience The Todd can be annoying, a pig and frankly kind of creepy but since he's been with JD he's really changed. Believe me I used to think he was the last guy to be good with kids but I even let him and JD watch Izzy one time."

Kim's look sported slightly more hope. "Really?"

"They took Sam and Izzy to see Spongebob Squarepants at the mall, which to be honest probably excited JD more than the kids." Carla explained.

"JD fixed The Todd?" Kim looked at them in disbelief, remembering that it was guys like Todd that made her wear a wedding ring despite being divorced.

"Surprisingly, yeah. As much as to be expected without therapy. The tone down in sexual innuendo has definitely been noticeable. Most of it is directed at JD but since they're a couple that's probably okay." Elliot explained, before turning her attention back to Sam.

"The other day he actually asked me how to prove to JD it wasn't just about sex. He had this cute little sad look on his face. It was so unbelievable and sweet I almost cried." Carla gave Kim a reassuring pat on the arm. "Don't worry about it. They're good together and more importantly they're very good with Sam. He's not going to be wearing banana hammocks and leather pants."

"I guess you're right. It's just something really threw me off." Kim explained, taking back her son from Elliot. "It's weird to think of The Todd as such a huge part of Sam's life."

"I'm sure it's not that big a deal. Oh look he's going into a fantasy moment just like JD." Elliot pointed out the child's way of raising his head when he daydreamed. "That's so cute. I wonder what he's thinking."

"Yeah, well he picked up another habit too. Elliot, raise your hand." Kim held her son out towards the other blonde, watching as Sam high-fived Elliot.

"Baby five!" Todd observed as he and JD appeared beside the three women, having just arrived at the picnic. "That is the coolest thing in the world."

"Where have you guys been, you left an hour before I did." Kim covered up the fact that she had been discussing them before their arrival.

"McDonalds!" JD cried out the moment Kim finished her sentence. "It was finger lickin' good."

Carla sighed at the obvious lie. "JD that's KFC."

"I stand by my original story." JD replied, squeezing Todd's hand and silently begging him not to say anything, even though it was clear to everyone what had really gone on.

Spotting his son, JD grabbed Sam, making a bunch of funny noises to cheer him. He motioned to a blanket near the shade. "We're just set up over there. Mind if we take Sammy for a while?"

"Go ahead." Kim replied, sighing as she watched them walk away. Turning to Elliot and Carla in desperate need of reassurance, she asked "Seriously, should I be worried?"

Carla nodded towards the men and child. "See for yourself."

Watching Todd and JD playing with Sam on their blanket calmed her inside. A small smile formed as she realised that Carla and Elliot were right. She didn't have anything to worry about. In fact one look at them almost made her want to gush like Elliot had. With one last look at the happy couple and her son, Kim was able to relax.

However, at the sight of the couple, one man was unable to enjoy himself. Perry was busy trying to calm a hyperactive Jack. He chased the kid around, catching him and his breath at the same time. Every now and then his eyes would drift back to JD and Todd. Perry thought he was being discreet, but clearly his actions had been noticed.

"Daddy, why are you staring at JD the idiot?" Jack asked, curiosity lighting up in his eyes.

"Never mind Jack-o. Just leave them be."

Of course, in the energetic mood Jack was in he was in no position to obey. The excited child ran over to JD and Todd's blanket, despite his father's protests. Perry cringed at having to walk over there; at having to see them up close.

JD spotted this almost immediately, trying to calm the awkwardness in his stomach. Plastering on a fake smile, he watched Jack approach. "Hey there Jack."

Jack nodded, a cheeky grin on his face. "Sam has two mommies."

JD forced a laugh as he noticed Perry coming towards them. "Lovely."

"Dude, Kim's a lesbian?" Todd turned to JD with confusion and extreme wonder.

Perry butted in, now being in earshot. "No dumbass, he is referring to the girl that you now share a bed with on a regular basis." Bending down towards Sam, who was using JD's knee to help himself stand, Perry looked at the tot. "My advice to you Sam is run! Run as fast as you can!"

Jack laughed and mimicked his father's actions, leaning down towards the younger child. Clearly uncomfortable with Jack in his face, Sam raised his tiny palm and hit Jack on the nose. This was of course met by a roar of approval from Todd as he stopped the unbalanced Sam from falling off his feet. Barely noticing their children, Perry and JD stared at each other with looks that could melt steel.

"Dude, Sam gave Cox junior a face five." Todd's voice snapped the former lovers out of their stare down.

"The tables have turned, haven't they Perry?" JD shot towards the older doctor with an amount of malice that no-one would ever expect from him. He picked up his son and cuddled up to Todd as he watched Perry and Jack leave.

* * *

After an hour of mingling, JD needed to get away from the crowds and festvities. He decided to walk around the park for a while by himself. Todd had tried to go with him, but JD knew he had to be alone. Breathing the fresh air, he tried his best to clear his head.

He wasn't sure why it bugged him so much that he and Perry were now so bitter towards each other. Over the years Perry had always been a jackass to him. Why it was so different this time, he couldn't fathom or at least didn't want to admit it. He was, however, secretly impressed with his ability to shoot Perry down, even if it made him feel slightly guilty afterwards.

JD's mind was a blur with all the changes that had taken place. In just a few months his life was completely upside down to what it used to be. It was a time he desperately needed to catch himself, sit down and do nothing.

Unfortunately the moment he tried to sit down on a patch of grass, JD was alerted to the fact that he was no longer alone. First he felt the eyes on his back. Then he heard the footsteps close behind him. The feeling in his gut told him that it wasn't Todd, even though he hoped it was.

"We need to talk." Perry's voice confirmed his suspicions.

JD cursed the ground, hesitating before turning to Perry. "About what? How you insult my parenting? Or when you called my boyfriend a dumbass? How about the fact that you would do anything to make sure I'm as miserable as you?"

"Actually no, JD. More about why we're so sour towards each other that we may as well break out the tequila and salt." Perry walked closer to him, only to have JD step back.

"There is nothing more to talk about Perry. Besides, aren't you worried Jordan will spot us together?" JD disappeared into the group of trees, hoping that Perry wouldn't step of the path.

No such luck, Perry followed JD so that they were mostly hidden from view of other park goers. "You know Jordan wouldn't come to these things unless they offered free botox and human souls. Her and Jennifer Dylan are doing god knows what." He managed to catch up with JD quickly as the younger doctor had never been too athletic. "Come on JD, just listen to me."

He didn't know why he surrendered, but JD leaned against a tree and gave Perry the benefit. Sighing, he confessed what he been on his mind. "Okay, I don't want us to be so hateful with each other either. But that's the way it is. You made it this way."

"I know I did and look where it's got you." Perry touched his nose and folded his arms.

With that one statement, JD remembered why they were so discontent. "You're on a roll with the insults today Perry." A frustrated JD regretted trying to be cordial and wanted to leave, but not before all the emotion inside him began to pour out. "Is that honestly all you know? How to hurt people? You don't even know Todd, but I can tell you that he's a hundred thousand times the boyfriend that you ever were. He's not ashamed of me. Todd makes me feel wanted, instead of kicking the crap out of me."

Feeling guilty and unable to make any remarks when it came to the subject of abuse, Perry hung his head slightly. "I'm sorry JD, you know I am."

"Not you're not." JD shook his head in disbelief. "It's taken me this long to realise it but you're never sorry. You never cared about me. Now I've found someone that really does and I can't believe I let myself actually care what you think. If you want to try and screw with us that's fine, but you're wasting your time!" He began to walk away, more willing than ever to feel Todd's arms wrapped around him.

"Do you love him?" Perry cried out, causing the younger man to stop in his tracks.

"We've only been going out just over a month." JD turned back, shocked at the ludicrous question placed in front of him. "Then again, we were fooling around before you and I broke it off."

Hiding his anger at the reminder of this fact, Perry exaggerated his response. "That answer is a clear N-O no! No-ho-oh-ho-oh!" Turning serious again, Perry was suddenly in front of JD, gripping his shoulders. "Besides, you chose me over Todd in the first place."

"Yeah and what a stupid decision that was! Get off me." JD tried to struggle, but even he knew it was no use. Seeing Perry move his face closer, he tried even harder to get free. "I'm not going to screw things up with Todd."

Perry was too close. There was no turning back now. "Maybe this will change your mind."

Perry managed to plant his lips on JD's, kissing him desperately and holding onto the other man as he protested. He needed this kiss, craved it to the point of insanity. Opening JD's mouth with his own, letting his tongue explore, Perry realised just how much he missed the feeling. He tasted JD hungrily, pouring a mountain of passion into the kiss.

JD did not respond positively and managed to pull his head away. "Fuck you Perry."

At that moment, Perry did the most unexpected thing. But he knew it had to be done. "I love you."

It stopped JD in his struggle for freedom. The shock paralysed him and his eyes went wide. "What?"

The older man continued with a serious whisper. "I know you still love me."

"No, don't say that." JD felt tears coming to his eyes. Partly from disbelief at hearing the words and partly because they were the three words he'd wanted to hear from Perry for so long.

"I can't stand seeing you with Todd." Perry confessed.

"What did you expect? That I'd just hang around waiting for you to change?" JD tried to pull away, struggling against his former lover and abuser once again with little success. "What are you going to do Perry? Beat me up until I come back to you? Are you going to hit me because I've found someone who makes me happy?"

Perry steadied JD, clearly being the stronger of the two. He cupped JD's face, looking deep into the powerful eyes. He had to make sure JD understood.

"JD, I love you."

Perry seized the younger man's lips straight after. JD knew this was wrong and was squirming slightly, trying to fight it but clearly he was being worn down. Soon his cries turned into soft moans and he stopped attempting to get away. Perry's words had broken him. For a few moments, JD stood paralysed and let the older doctor kiss and control him until he slowly began returning Perry's affections.

One hand slid upwards and gripped Perry's curls, while the other wandered up and down the older man's back, eventually settling on the back of the neck. Perry pinned JD to a nearby tree, holding him tight for fear that he would leave. The two former lovers deepened their kiss to the point their bodies were going to explode, a feeling they hadn't experienced together since that night in the bar.

The self-sabotaging part of JD's mind urged him to keep going. This was what he'd been dreaming about for years after all. Every act of love with Perry flashed through his mind like a montage. A possible future if he just kept going.

However, Todd's face soon floated into his mind. Their first kiss, their first date, their first time. Todd and him together, Todd and Sam together. It was a firm reminder, alerting him to just how strong his feelings for Todd were developing. JD's inner voice cursed him for doing such a thing. His eyes opened, at knowing everything he could lose. With a burst of strength, JD pulled away while simultaneously pushing Perry off him. He gasped for air, feeling like he was being punched from the inside.

A few tears spilled at his betrayal; the broken promise to himself and to Todd. "Are you happy now? You've officially ruined my day and my relationship." JD felt sick, unable to look at Perry anymore. "I must have some real issues if I betray what could very well be the perfect guy for me, to come back to one who wants to destroy everything I care about."

"JD-"

"No! Perry, don't." JD hadn't felt so horrible since he'd been going out with Todd. He hated the shame returning and blamed Perry. The older man knew how to manipulate him too well and JD knew it. "Just stay away from me. We're through, so leave me alone."

Running as fast as he could, JD managed to get away. As far as he was concerned, the day couldn't possibly get any worse. He secretly hoped that meant it could get better if he just went back to the picnic and mingled; to cuddle with Todd until the last ten minutes of his life evaporated. Calming down as best he could and wiping his eyes he slowly but surely made his way back towards the Sacred Heart area.

He could see Todd in the distance, interacting with all their friends and co-workers. People seemed less awkward around him then they used to be, which was particularly surprising as he was one half of a gay couple. JD figured that it was probably because Todd wasn't hitting on everything that moved any more, which made him much easier to get along with. Todd looked so genuinely happy and laid back, not trying so hard anymore. JD couldn't help but see how much their relationship had subtly affected others.

A shot in the pit of his stomach made him feel queasy. JD couldn't bare their relationship being based on secrets and lies just as his and Perry's had been. He couldn't keep such a secret from someone who'd been so good to him, especially after Todd had confessed some of his own less than mucho secrets. To maintain such trust, JD figured he would to talk to Todd about his indiscretion, wondering how he could possibly beg for forgiveness. He owed his boyfriend that much.

However as he was planning what to say, JD was stopped in his tracks. He almost ran into the tall man who had blocked his path, but managed to stop himself.

"Hello Janitor, what do you want?"

"Just enjoying the food and fun." Janitor looked towards all their co-workers, slapping JD on the back. "Looking at your boyfriend over there. You know I had to kick him out of the Brain Trust when he got involved with you."

Not in the mood to be harassed anymore, JD tried to reassure his tormentor. "Don't worry, Todd didn't tell me anything that went on in your little gang."

"Yeah, I made sure of that." Janitor stated, gripping JD's shoulder tightly. "Still, I don't like you messing with my Brain Trust. Why would you do that? Why must you make me do ruin your life?"

"Just invite Todd back into your group or whatever." JD snapped as though it was the most obvious solution. He was sick of being blamed for everything. More than that he was just plain tired of the day.

"Nah, he drove me crazy. But you're going to pay for it." Janitor looked up at the sky and sighed before turning back to JD. "You think you'd have learned that by now." He walked backwards away from his prey, making the motions to imply that he was watching.

It was the straw that broke the camel's back. JD wasn't going to take any more crap from anybody. Marching towards the tents and Elliot's creative decorating scheme, JD's posture and walk became an angry and confident stride. No longer did he want to sabotage himself. No longer was his life going to be messed with. He took Janitor's interuption as a sign from fate not to mess with his good thing. No longer would he take the abuse and lose everything, but take control.

Walking right up to Todd, JD didn't listen to those around who were greeting him or asking where he'd disappeared to. He didn't care about them; he just needed to hang on to Todd. He wasn't going to lose this time.

"Todd, you are the best thing that's ever happened to me." JD stated the moment he was in front of his boyfriend. He made sure that at least one other person could hear him so the whole hospital would find out. "My life is so much better with you in it and frankly, I want to keep it that way because you make me so happy. My only wish is that I knew that you could be like this much sooner."

"Awesome." Noticing a look in JD's eyes, his face brimmed with confusion. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I just need you."

Todd pulled his boyfriend into a hug, not suspecting that this impromtu burst of feelings was fuelled by a mistake. "You know The Todd feels the same way about you. Now how about I show you some love?"

Then for all the picnic to see, JD gave Todd the kiss to end all kisses. A kiss that sent a message to Perry, Janitor and anyone else uncomfortable with them together. People gushed, others gasped, while some just sat silently watching them. Neither JD nor Todd could hear or see their reactions and murmurs, nor did they care. As far as they were concerned nothing else existed outside of them at that moment. They were back in their own love bubble, wrapped in a kiss that set off fireworks in both of them.

Breaking from the kiss and just meeting Todd's eyes for a moment, JD smiled. He felt reassured that he was in the right place, with the right person. His day had once again picked up. Walking back to their blanket, he felt the overwhelming confidence washing over him. JD wrapped his arm around Todd in what could only be described as pure happiness. He was with Todd, nothing else mattered but that fact and no-one was going to take that away.

* * *

**NOTE: **Oh my! JD tempted fate and screwed up pretty badly :-o Damn those three powerful words from Perry. But it's okay as long as Todd doesn't know everyone is happy, right? It was just a little mistake, how bad can it be? Assume nothing, expect anything. Hope your enjoying the lovely little developments and I hope to see some lovely reviews :-)


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

Keeping in sync with his new confident mantra, JD had decided not to tell Todd about him and Perry's kiss. It meant nothing, it wouldn't happen again and a few days had passed since the picnic with little consequences. Everything was as it should be with absolutely no sabotage.

But despite avoiding the issue and his relationship continuing smoothly, the kiss with Perry had complicated things. Most of the time JD could forget and just live in the moment with Todd, but the hospital was another story. The chief always seemed to lurk around, making sure JD noticed him. He would remind JD with his eyes about what he had said. Now any romance with Todd at work was awkward as opposed to exciting.

"Hey there, have you told your boyfriend about our kiss yet?" Perry caught JD as he was coming out of a patient's room. "If I were you I'd do it soon."

JD said nothing. He would not buy into Perry's game. The anger stewed inside, but he wasn't going to let it out. The people-pleaser part of him was trying to pipe up too, only to be pushed aside as well.

"You know he's going to find out eventually. Besides, what makes you think_ he_ isn't hitting on someone else?"

JD bit his tongue to keep from screaming at the other man. The mere suggestion that Todd could do the same thing behind his back was hurtful, even if he did deserve it. In Sacred Heart hospital, foul moods were contagious and JD didn't want to be the instigator. He tried to push Perry's doubt-causing words aside, but the older man wouldn't leave him alone.

"So it appears I've finally found a way to shut you up after all these years." Perry commented bitterly, trying to use sarcasm to hide his true feelings and stop himself kissing JD in the hallway in front of everyone.

"I told you to stay away from me." JD spat back before picking up his pace.

Perry quickened his own pace, managing to keep up with his ex-lover. "You know I can't do that. Not while you're still with _him_." He spat the last word out like Todd was one of the many diseases he fought against each day.

"Then you're going to be waiting a long time, because we both know you're not going to tell anything to anyone."

Perry knew he probably shouldn't say it, but the scheming part of his brain knew that JD would over-analyse what he said. "If you really felt for Todd, you wouldn't have returned that kiss like you did."

Coincidently, Todd was walking towards them with a huge smile on his face. Oblivious and simply going along with the day like always. He had no reason to be concerned with Perry and JD talking. His sporty get up and a couple of sweat stains indicated that the surgeon had just been working out.

"Well hello there." Todd nodded at JD, admiring him before grabbing him in a tight bear hug. "You're looking hot today. Feel my guns, they're pumping extra special for you."

Perry walked away, but not before making a disgusted noise. JD watched the chief, feeling a little ticked off and conflicted. He couldn't help but wonder if Perry had a point. Todd could sense JD's indifference immediately, especially since JD was yet to put his arms around him.

"Dude, what's wrong?" Todd kissed JD's forehead, a puzzled pout on his face.

Normally JD found Todd's confusion cute and the public displays of affection endearing. Now was different, everything was dredging up. He wasn't sure about Todd anymore. All the frustration built up against Perry was easy to push off onto Todd. Plus it was the easiest way for JD to punish himself.

"Not now Todd, get off." JD wiggled free of Todd's tight hug, trying to walk away.

Unfazed by this and figuring it was just some kind of flirtatious game, Todd ran after JD and scooped him up. "The Todd can cure all that ails you." He slung his boyfriend over his shoulder, carrying him away with ease. "Oh I can feel your dong. Now I have to make out with you."

An irritated JD let himself get carried to the on-call room. When his feet were back on the ground, Todd was grinning at him. JD let out a sigh. He wasn't in the mood for this.

"Maybe some of this will cheer you up." Todd threw off his shirt effortlessly. He made his pecks dance for JD, hoping to tempt him.

"Just stop okay!" JD snapped, turning away from Todd. The last thing he wanted to see was Todd looking so happy with him. But Todd trusted people, to the point of blatant gullibility.

"Come on. Don't you want to play?" Todd seemed a little hurt by the rejection.

He wanted the surgeon to get angry with him for what he did. "What part of I'm not in the mood did you not understand?!"

Todd looked at him innocently, wondering why JD was yelling. "You never said you weren't in the mood."

"It was implied!" JD threw his arms up in frustration at Todd not getting the hint. "Besides you're all sweaty and smelly after you work out."

"You always liked that!" Todd's voice was rising now. "The Todd's confused."

"Of course you are!" JD replied bitterly, his brain screaming at him to be quiet.

Todd brought his hands to his hips, looking a little hurt. "Uncool!"

"You're just being so clingy. I need some time to myself." JD cried out, feeling so guilty afterwards. He didn't mean to get angry at Todd. The shots of sharp pain in his chest enforced his shame.

"Fine! The Todd will go elsewhere." Todd shot back, angrily.

JD hated it. Todd was never one for anger. He'd get annoyed or frustrated, but anger was usually covered up by sarcasm or sexual innuendo. JD took a deep breath and slowly brought his rationalisation back. It had been so easy to forget at the picnic, in order to prove a point to others, but he knew it was best to be honest. Otherwise he would just continue wrecking everything, at least as long as Perry lurked around.

"Todd, wait." JD managed to catch him before he walked out the door. He took his boyfriend's hand gently in his own, squeezing all of the fingers. "I'm sorry. I've just been a little distracted lately."

"Understood." Todd replied, softening up a little as JD played with his fingers. It was surprising how he seemed to have instantly forgotten the argument, but that was just his way.

"Listen, I made a huge mistake and I have-"

JD was stopped when two medical interns were entering the room. It was clear their intentions were not to nap. Particularly at this time of day.

"Oh sorry Doctor Dorian. Doctor Quinlan." One of JD's interns blushed and both he and his lady companion slipped out the door as quick as they had entered.

"You were saying?" Todd asked his boyfriend, raising an eyebrow inquisitively.

JD took the interruption as a sign from fate to go with his original instinct and say nothing. The only thing that could come of bringing up the kiss was the loss of his relationship and Perry getting exactly what he wanted by manipulating him again. Besides, JD wasn't about to break his promise not to care what Perry thought about him.

No way was JD going to let anything bad happen. He and Todd still trusted each other and they were just as strong. This incident would only make sure JD would double his efforts to keep their relationship alive. Telling would only be a form of self-sabotage, which JD vowed never to listen to again. Todd didn't deserve to be hurt like that.

Todd seemed a little paranoid and perplexed at JD's silence. "Are you mad at or bored with The Todd?"

"No, don't ever think that!" JD cried out in alarm, planting a firm but tender kiss on Todd's lips to cement his feelings. When they parted, he locked on Todd's eyes seriously. "You're many things, but never boring."

Bringing JD closer to him, Todd's face beamed with a wide smile. "Good to know."

"You know, we just survived our first real fight." JD laughed as he leaned into Todd's chest, feeling the heartbeat against his cheek. He felt even more reassured than before.

"That's kinda cool." Todd nodded, though he didn't understand why. He figured he should just go along with it.

JD reached up and began caressing a nipple with his fingertips. "You know I like you all sweaty and you always smell good. I'm sorry for what I said. Maybe I just need to get out of here."

"We could go away together. Just the two of us." The mere thought was getting Todd a little excited. "You and me, in a one of those bed and breakfast places. Nothing to pack but handcuffs, feathers and condoms."

JD pulled back so he could look into Todd's eyes. "But we'd have to pack clothes. Otherwise we'd be going to dinner naked."

"Nothing wrong with that."

Todd tried to capture JD's lips in a kiss, but JD pulled back slightly. He just wanted to look at Todd for a few moments and Todd understood this all too well, agreeing silently and admiring JD in return.

It was just what JD needed to wash everything away. Pressing his forehead against Todd's he took in every shade of brown in his cheeky but love-filled eyes. Familiar, yet strange emotions began stirring inside JD as the fire in his heart obliterated anything else going on.

"I love looking at you and being with you." JD whispered. "I forget the world when I'm with you."

Todd was flattered, but he still couldn't help but chuckle. "That's pretty cheesy."

JD remained completely serious even as he smiled. "I don't care if it's the cheesiest thing in the world. I had to say it."

"Well, The Todd can't complain with a view like this."

"Todd." JD started, wrapping his arms tightly around the bare midsection and pushing Todd back towards the nearest bed. "Kiss me. Kiss me all over and don't let me go."

* * *

It was a perfect night to sit and relax in the hot tub at Todd's apartment building. The air was nice, the sky clear and starry and the beer stocked by the tub in a cooler. The atmosphere was laid back, yet romantic at the same time.

Todd and JD couldn't keep their eyes off one another, nor their hands. As they gazed at each other through the rising steam, hands met thighs beneath the bubbles. Slowly and simultaneously, the lovers moved in for a sweet kiss. Their smiling lips meeting as their tongues danced. The last few days had seen a renewed spark in their relationship, which both were taking advantage of.

"Why did I agree to hang out with you guys?" From beside the couple, Turk voiced his annoyance. Sipping a beer he shook his head. "For the last few days you've been groping away like no-one's watching."

"Now Chocolate Bear, you said you'd accept us just the way we are. Besides, I can't count how many times I've had to watch you and Carla make out." JD leaned back against Todd, continuing to play with his boyfriend's fingers.

"Dude, that's different and you know it." Turk shot them a warning look. "A brother can only accept so much man love. You know what I'm saying?"

"Come on buddy. Don't knock it 'til you tried it." Todd replied, holding up his hand for a high five.

Turk looked at his friends in disbelief. "I will never high five on that."

"Okay, calm down. It's the one night this week that we all had off and we've been neglecting our hanging out needs." JD pouted so his best friend wouldn't leave.

"Fine. But you guys have to quit making out."

Todd and JD shrugged and sidled away from each other slightly, mentally agreeing to cut down on the affection; after all, they had been extra frisky since making up in the on-call room. However, they still held hands under the water just to keep the contact. For awhile the three friends relaxed in the hot tub, just sipping beers and making small talk.

"See this is much better. Just hanging out without you guys getting all googly eyed." Turk commented, smiling as he seemed to have gotten his way.

Suddenly noticing something underneath the water, JD's face twisted in surprise. "Well Turk, speaking of hanging out, I do believe that Todd just lost his banana hammock."

"The Todd's going commando." Todd nodded in satisfaction at his friend and his lover, pulling his speedo out of the tub and discarding it. "What? You said we were neglecting our hanging out needs."

"That's it! I'm outta here!" Turk held up his hands and stepped out of the hot tub, walking away with a glare. "We speak of this to no-one."

Looking at each other, JD and Todd burst into laughter. Realising they were alone, JD positioned himself on Todd's lap. Wrapping his arms around Todd's shoulders and moving in as close as possible. "Is it bad that I kind of wanted him gone?" He asked with a questioning look on his face.

"If he stayed it could have been kind of hot." Todd commented with a suggestive look on his face.

His mouth wide open with shock JD hopped off Todd's lap and playfully slid away. "So I'm not enough for you, Todd?"

Todd went into panic mode as he didn't realise JD was just messing with him. "I was only kidding. You know The Todd is a one man dude." Resting his chin on JD's shoulder, he whispered. "You're more than enough. Besides with T-dog gone it's time for the surprise just for you."

"Okay, I forgive you." JD turned back at the very mention of surprises.

Reaching out to the cooler Todd revealed a bottle of champagne. Handing it to an ecstatic JD, he once again reached into the cooler. This time he pulled out two chilled flute glasses.

"How could I have not known all these years that The Todd is a secret romantic?" JD whispered his thoughts aloud, taking one of the flutes.

Todd blushed, something which happened very rarely. "Let's just say, you're special. Now as for what I've got planned for later…" Todd held the champagne bottle, wedging the cork a little before letting it pop and fly into the air. Wiggling his eyebrows to make sure JD got his drift.

JD held out his glass in excitement. Quickly Todd tipped some bubbly contents into it, as to not spill too much in the tub. Filling his own glass and putting the bottle to chill in the cooler, Todd resumed his relaxed state.

"To us." JD raised his glass, secretly loving the cliché of the moment.

"And the fact that we're the hottest gay couple at Sacred Heart." Todd raised his flute right back, clinking it with JD's.

"Take that Matt and Mark!" JD replied, sipping the expensive champagne. "You bought the good stuff too."

"Seems like you need it. You've been a little distracted." Todd commented.

"I guess I have been." JD admitted, vowing in that second to treat Todd even better. "But I'm right here now, with you."

The feelings stirring inside Todd were all so new. He wanted to blurt out the words, but managed to keep them down. The whole thing was unfamiliar and despite being amazing, it was kind of scary. Not quite ready or really sure how to say it out loud, in his mind he admitted to himself that he really had never felt this way before.

"What are you thinking about Todd? I thought I was the one in this relationship that went off into dream land." JD nuzzled Todd's shoulder, drawing his attention back.

"It's just a beautiful night to be off work." Todd sipped his bubbly, motioning to the stars.

Following his lover's gaze to the night sky, JD nodded in agreement. Leaning back against Todd's arm, he unwarily began singing softly. "Can you feel the love tonight, the peace the evening brings…" Cuddling up closer to Todd, he turned his attention from the sky all to him. "The world for once in perfect harmony…"

"What's with the song?" Todd laughed slightly.

JD grinned, slipping onto Todd's lap and straddling his thighs. "I was watching 'The Lion King' earlier. It has a catchy soundtrack."

Remembering a random fact, Todd raised an eyebrow. "Wait a minute. You only watch 'The Lion King' when you've had a hard day at work because it cheers you up. Like when you made me watch it after the botched ball surgery."

"Okay, I had a mild annoyance happen." JD confessed, looking down. However Todd lightly picked up his chin so JD was forced to direct it to his face. "This woman wanted to change doctors because she found out I was going out with you. She seemed really sweet and I helped her out and all I get in return is her calling me a 'faggot' and 'fudge packer.'"

Todd sympathetically held JD's waist, but blurted out his true feelings. "Who cares? It's not a big deal."

JD seemed a little offended. "What?"

Todd kept JD close to him. "JD, you were there for me when I had to stay in bed with explosive diarrhoea. You're amazing and you had the best bedside manner. If someone doesn't want that, then they don't know what they're missing." Noticing JD smile a little, Todd touched his cheek. "One less patient means more free time for us in the hospital. How can that not be a good thing?"

"I hate it when you're right sometimes." JD scowled a little, shaking his head at the simplicity of Todd's argument. "But I love it when you know the right things to say."

Todd knew that if he didn't find a distraction soon, he would definitely declare his love to the strange but endearing JD, who was now fingering his hair. So Todd said the first thing that popped into his mind. "Do me, right here."

JD looked around to the apartments nearby, figuring that if they kept quiet none of them would know. Grinning widely, he removed his shorts. Checking once again to see that no-one was in view, JD succumbed to temptation.

Todd put their champagne aside, feeling JD up in the water. The bubbles flowed around them and the steam continued to rise. JD flecked his tongue over Todd's neck as massive hands massaged his chest, playfully tweaking a nipple before gripping his shoulders with a force.

A loud moan escaped Todd's throat as JD's head moved below the water and the pleasure drifted down his body. When his lover's head re-emerged and their tongues met in a frenzy of sensual kisses, Todd knew he couldn't hold back anymore.

However, a voice nearby snapped them out of it. "What's going on here?"

"Quinlan you and your boyfriend aren't going at it in the hot tub again are you?"

JD laughed at the new development. He recognised a couple from Todd's building heading their way. Slipping off Todd, he grabbed his glass of champagne. "Just having a little bubbly and enjoying the night."

"We were going to do-" Todd started before JD smacked his arm.

Watching the other couple preparing to join them, JD managed a smile. Leaning close to Todd's ear, he whispered. "It's still romantic. It's just some people from your building want to chill out too." With that he handed Todd the other glass of champagne and resumed looking up at the stars.

* * *

**NOTE: ** Drama, humour and fluff all in one chapter, coz JDodd's falling in love :-P But what's this all leading up to, you speculate? And what about Perry, what am I doing with him? If you want the next chapter say YEEEAAAHHH :-) Clap for Chapter 16 and upcoming Chapter 17 (with pie!) Enjoy!


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

JD skipped around the hospital, in a mood so happy and cheery it seemed to spread all around. With the few grumpy exceptions being Janitor and naturally Perry. As far as he was concerned, it was a good day to be alive. Leaning against the nurse's station and holding a patient chart to his chest, JD basked in the gloriousness of it all.

"So Bambi-"

JD stopped Carla before she could complete her sentence. "Hold that thought for about twenty three seconds." Holding up his hand, JD stood still for a few moments while Carla watched on in fascination.

Taking a running start and diving into the nearby hallway, JD hit his mark. He squeezed a stunned Todd's waist. "Sneak hug!"

Dropping his gym bag momentarily, Todd returned the hug. "So are you going to meet me at Coffeebucks later?"

JD nodded in reply and kissed Todd on the nose. Smiling, he tried to pick up Todd's gym bag to hand it back to him but was unable to. "How do you carry that, it's so heavy? I don't want you getting a hernia."

"Maybe you should come to the gym with me, build up your strength." Todd twined his fingers with JD's. "Come on, I'll spot you."

"No thank you, but one o'clock at Coffeebucks I'll definitely be there."

Todd picked up the bag with ease and laughed. "I'll see you later." As JD turned away from him he raised an eyebrow. "Butt five!" Playfully he smacked JD's ass.

"Hey! Not so hard." JD held his backside. "Bye Angel Cat."

As if by magic, Turk was suddenly at the nurse's station when JD turned back around. His eyes narrowed slightly and he spoke to JD seriously. "What did I tell you about that nickname?"

"Never call your mucho, football watching, gym buddy surgeon by that nickname in your presence." JD recited, remembering the speech Turk had given him.

"Knock it off Turk. He can't help it if he's in love." Carla said without a hint of sarcasm.

Both JD and Turk turned to her in confusion. "What!?" They both cried out in unison.

"Come on Bambi. Have you told Todd that you love him yet?" Carla sat on the counter top, desperate to hear the latest news.

"JD's not in love with Todd, it's too soon." Turk looked to his friend for reassurance, but as his sixth sense kicked in he realised that his wife was right. Apologetically, he turned back to Carla. "Baby, I stand corrected."

"What are you talking about, I'm not in love." JD scoffed and shook his head at the husband and wife team who now stood opposite him with knowing looks. "I'm having a good time and I don't want it to end, but it's not quite love yet."

"Please, you're totally in love." Carla stated in an as-a-matter-of-fact tone.

"Who's in love?" Elliot piped in as she joined her friends by the nurse's station.

Of course wanting to be the first one to spread the news, Carla jumped in before any protest could be made on JD's part. "JD is in love with Todd."

"Awww that's so cute. Have they said it to each other yet?" Elliot gushed at the news.

"Stop it! No meddling. I'm not in love." JD sputtered, trying to stop the spreading of the rumour.

"Dude, you're a little bit in love at least." Turk gave him the look which never failed to wear JD down, even with his strongest defences up.

Putting his hands up in a time out, JD addressed his friends. "Okay, so maybe I'm a little tiny bit over that bridge from likey-ville into love-town." He made a motion with his fingers to imply a small amount. "So what if I don't really care that no matter how tan Todd gets his thighs always stay creamy, or if I'm kind of flattered there is a picture of me sleeping on "The Todd Time" website or if I so badly want to follow him to the gym just to get a peek at him pumping those strong-"

"Point taken!" Turk cried out so no further detail could be spoken.

"-it doesn't mean that I want to spend the rest of my life with him."

"Yeah, because I am not wearing a banana hammock to your big gay wedding." Turk shuddered at the imagery he put in his own head.

JD couldn't help but imagine a beach wedding, with him and Todd hammocked-up like Turk suggested. "We could ride dolphins into our new life together."

"Oh my god, he's talking weddings." Elliot commented, while she and Carla looked at JD like they'd seen a ghost.

"No, it was just a…Look, I've moved too fast before. I don't want to scare Todd off by confessing that I may have some particularly deep feelings for him." Looking at the accusing eyes around him, he couldn't hold it in anymore. JD snapped "Okay! I admit it, I love him. Stop with the eyes."

Carla put a reassuring arm around JD. "You're going to have to tell him that. Not telling him is worse than telling him too soon. Besides, it's obvious he loves you too."

"You think so?" JD drifted into another fantasy, his mind screaming with extreme happiness and joy that only upped his mood.

Placing a hand firmly over Turk's mouth so he couldn't comment, Carla answered his question with a raised eyebrow. "Only one way to find out."

* * *

"Carla said this was simple, you can do this." JD said to himself as he stepped into Coffeebucks that afternoon.

Todd waved him over to a table by the window, motioning that he'd already bought JD a coffee. Such a simple gesture, yet one that reminded JD of the reasons he did in fact love Todd.

"Here you go." Todd handed the smaller of the two cups to JD. "A small latte with low fat milk because you said at breakfast you were trying to watch your figure. I still think you should come and work out with me."

'Maybe next time." JD took his seat and leaned forward eagerly, grinning almost goofily. "So tell me boyfriend, how's your day been?"

"Consultation, workout, surgery, shower and now here." Todd stated. "There was a chick who wanted to thank me by spanking me, you know. But I had to tell her The Todd was taken."

JD wondered for a moment if Todd was lying. Since only signs of truth were found, JD was sort of flattered. "Thanks I guess."

"Unless you're into threesomes, because this chick is up for anything. I could go back and tell her if you're interested." Todd figured he should ask, just in case.

"I think I'll be okay." JD patted Todd's hand gently. Somehow it didn't seem like the most romantic time to say the three words.

"That's a relief because I don't want you doing that trick with your tongue to anyone else." Todd replied a little too loudly that a passing nurse overheard. "The Todd likes it when it's just the two of us. In fact no-one else seems as hot anymore."

JD's heart melted. It wasn't like Todd to be the more reluctant one to have a threesome. Maybe Carla was right and the surgeon really did love him in his own unique way. Mentally preparing himself, JD took a sip of his coffee. The whole time he didn't take his eyes off Todd, to the point where he was sure it fazed him a little.

"Something on my face?" Todd asked of JD's staring.

"Yeah, my lips." JD quickly leaned over and kissed his boyfriend. It bought him a little bit of time to calm his nerves. JD figured it was a quick and smooth move.

After the kiss broke apart, JD felt ready to just blurt it out. However one of the Coffeebucks servers came to their table with a slice of chocolate pie. Two forks sat on the side of the plate.

"I know you're trying to watch your bod, but just one bite of pie won't kill you." Todd picked off a forkful and motioned it towards JD.

JD licked his lips, but found the strength to refuse. "No, I will not give in."

"More pie for The Todd."

JD watched as Todd proceeded in devouring their pie. He couldn't stop looking at his boyfriend throughout. Since when did Todd look so damn sexy when he ate? Licking stray bits of cream from his lips, lapping every last bit of chocolate from the fork, even the way his cheeks puffed out when his mouth was full. JD chuckled at the adorable sight in front of him.

Todd swallowed a mouthful of pie, wondering what was so funny. "Dude, what?"

"Nothing it's just that. I love-"

Before he could complete the words, JD felt himself being watched. Taking glances out of the corner of his eyes, he realised that it wasn't just paranoia. It seemed a lot of Sacred Heart employees were anticipating the declaration of love.

It wasn't hard to spot Carla and Elliot, no doubt the two that spread it around. Their smiles were wider than the others. JD wondered why everyone at the hospital felt the need to watch them like a soap opera, until he remembered that he himself did the same thing to others on many occasions. It was just the Sacred Heart way.

"You love what?" Todd roused JD from his distraction.

The mood just didn't feel right. JD wanted to tell Todd in a more romantic way, maybe with some doves and definitely no people watching. The last time he'd said the words, he'd been left beaten up on a bathroom floor. This time he wanted it to be perfect.

"Pie! I love pie. Screw it, I'm having some." JD grabbed the extra fork and attacked the pie with a fierce hunger. "I love pie so much. I want my life to be filled with pie. Pie is just amazing I needed to say that."

"Yeah it is pretty good pie." Todd replied, but still sighing at his boyfriend's weirdness.

All JD had to do now was replace the word 'pie' with 'you.' He smiled to himself. The way he saw it, he was one step closer to showing how he really felt. Around him he could hear some people groaning at the false alarm. Nosey Sacred Heart employees would have to look for their gossip and entertainment elsewhere.

Todd's face fell slightly as he watched JD devour some of their dessert. He was secretly hoping JD was going to say "I love you." They were in fact the very three words Todd wanted to say himself. However, he shrugged it off and took another forkful of the chocolaty goodness.

"I love pie, too."

* * *

Janitor roamed the halls, trying to act as nonchalant as possible. However, having new pieces to his puzzle, the smug smile could not be wiped off his face. He pretended to clean for a few hours. Watching as the happy couple loved up in the hallways. Spying Perry looking angry and frustrated, especially when he coincidentally caught the lovers together. It wasn't hard to see that Perry was close to breaking point and was barely holding back from throttling Todd, or anyone for that matter.

Janitor knew that he had to be patient for the right moment. Wait until they all were so wrapped up that none of them would suspect the tornado that he could cause. Figuring he'd been patient enough, Janitor headed towards the chief's office with an envelope in hand.

Not even bothering to knock, Janitor burst through the door. This much annoyed Perry who was absorbed in some medical textbooks, trying to figure out a complicated patient diagnosis. Not even bothering to put down his current book, he sneered.

"What do you want Jumpsuit?"

"First of all, it's a pants and shirt combo. Notice the belt." Janitor set that aside for the moment and brought himself back to the reason he was there. "I thought you and I could do a little business."

Finally putting down the book and unsuccessfully trying to hold in laughter, Perry looked at the large man at his desk. "What the hell could I possibly need from you?"

"I see the way you look at 'Dorian the Annoying' with sexual deviant surgeon, who I might add is also equally annoying."

Building up his defences, Perry's sneer returned. "Is that so?"

"Who could forget your little display at the hospital picnic? Almost missed it with those trees in the way." Janitor let out an apathetic laugh at the thought before putting on a strange accent. "I tell ya, that there was a kiss that could set the Pacific Ocean on fire."

Standing up from his desk and slamming his hands down, Perry's anger rose. "How the fuck do you know about that?"

"Do you really want to know?" Janitor asked.

Figuring that anything the tall man said would just be a load of crap anyway, Perry sighed. "What the hell do you want?"

"Well with what Dorian's written in that queer little journal of his, I figured nothing would torture him more than to break up his relationship." Janitor let out a few mocking sniffle, wiping at a pretend tear before throwing the envelope to Perry. "What you have there is the tools."

Perry opened up the envelope, fuelled by curiosity and the slight desire to see JD single again. For a moment a half-smile came to his face at the possibility of everything going back to what he believed it should be. However, hope was lost when inside the envelope he found pictures of his kiss with JD in the park. Perry pinning him against the tree, with JD gladly returning the affections.

"You do realise that these getting out would also mess up my life too?" Perry asked, scrunching the photos. His eye was twitching rapidly.

Janitor had expected this response. "Yeah I did. Which brings me to my business proposition, or rather blackmail proposal. I'd like a new wonder mop, a six pack of beer and a sash that says "Emperor Fear" or "King Jan Itor" why don't you surprise me."

"Is that all?" It seemed simple enough, Perry almost laughed. It was tame for such an insane man. But if that's all it took to get back some control, he didn't care.

Unfortunately, Janitor wasn't done. "I also need six dozen bottles of wine, imported from Italy, to get the mafia off my back. For the same problem, I'm going to need one of your kids for a day, maybe a weekend. A brand new set of golf clubs, not to play just to smash stuff. And a machine gun."

Going from one confusing thought to another, Perry sputtered before managing to find words. "A machine gun?"

"You don't have to load it. It's just to scare people. Stop those kids in paediatrics puking all over my floors. They're no longer scared of the ghost that hates spills, but they'll see." Janitor sat down on the chair in front of Perry's desk. "So do we have a deal?"

"Get out of here!" Perry put his hands behind his head in annoyance. "This is really one of the stupidest ideas I've ever heard. Which when I think about it shouldn't be surprising coming from you."

"Fine, last time I try to reach out." Janitor went to snatch the crumpled pictures, but Perry swiftly got them first.

"Too slow!" He mocked the Janitor, ripping up the pictures in front of him. "Did you re-he-hee-healy think I was going to let you walk out of here with these? Thanks for the entertaining show Sasquatch, now get the hell out of here. "

Janitor sighed and made his way out. Once he shut the door behind him, his grin returned along with a mocking tone. "Did you re-he-hee-healy think that those were the only copies?"

* * *

TBC


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

JD straightened himself up. Clearing his throat he tried to let the words just flow from his heart. "Todd, I know we've only been going out for two months but the truth is that I love you. I think some part of me always has and I really want to make this work with you. I love you; it just feels so good to finally say it."

He was greeted with laughter as Sam stared back at him. The young child helped himself up with the aid of the coffee table and began walking over to his dad.

"This is serious Sammy. One day you're going to have to tell that special someone that you love them. You may even have to say it to Todd, because he's going to be like a stepfather figure."

JD picked Sam up and sat down on the couch. He sat Sam down beside him and turned so he could give a man to man, father to son, talk. "You like Todd right, even though you may have a bit of resentment for him later because Mommy and Daddy aren't getting back together. Chances are he'll buy you lots of presents so you like him; like that squishy green football."

Sam went off into a little daydream. JD figured it was either about Todd bringing him presents, or winning the super bowl with a squishy green football. When Sam turned back to listen, JD wondered where all his new fantasies had come from.

"Why am I even talking about this now? I don't know if we're going to last, but I really want us too. Which is why I need to tell Todd I love him, now help me rehearse."

JD smiled before clearing his throat again. "Todd, you're just so amazing and everything about our time together has just been so amazing. Though the most amazing thing is…that I've said that word three times."

JD sighed, still not giving up on the idea of preparing some kind of speech. He wanted it to be perfect, which is why he had spent too much time planning. Hearing his stomach rumble a little, he turned to Sam and figured that he should go out and get some take-out.

Eager to take his mind off things for a moment, JD put Sam in his car seat and drove to the closest food joint he could think of, which happened to be a McDonalds. As he drove into the parking lot, an idea popped into his head. He went in the drive-through, ordered a Big Mac meal quickly and headed towards his new intended destination.

"Why didn't I think of it before?" JD asked himself, taking a quick sip of soda while at a traffic light. "Turk has told Carla that he loves her and look what happened with them. He can help me, plus who knows Todd better over the years than Chocolate Bear. Everything is coming up JD, Sammy."

He drove on excitedly until he reached his destination. Stopping out the front of Turk and Carla's apartment building, JD managed to hold Sam in his arms and the food bag in one hand. Slowly making his way up to his best friend's apartment, JD's mood brightened. Finally reaching the door, he knocked with his foot as his hands were full.

Carla answered the door, seeming surprised. "JD what are you doing here? I thought you would have been with Turk and Todd. They went to the arcade."

"Oh." JD was feeling a little disappointed, but still entered the apartment. Setting his food on the table, he placed Sam on the couch. "Where's Izzy?"

"Taking a nap." Carla fetched a plate for JD's food. "So have you told Todd you love him yet?"

"You can't rush these things." JD began picking at his fries, offering some to Carla.

"You've wanted to say it for weeks, come on JD." Carla cried out, looking a little frustrated.

JD swallowed a bite of his burger and decided to come clean. "Okay well, it's actually what I came to talk to Turk about. He said it to you and everything worked out fine. I just want it to be perfect."

"You can't plan love, you feel it and it just comes out. Seriously, stop with the big speeches. All that matters is the three words. I love you. Simple." Carla stole a couple more fries, looking satisfied with her advice.

JD put Sam on the floor, motioning towards some of Izzy's plush toys nearby. His posture and eyes turned serious after that. "I know you're right it's just the last time I said 'I love you' I had my heart ripped out."

It was then that Carla realised just what JD was referring to. She gasped at this new information, yet still maintained a sympathetic, although slightly motherly, tone "You said it to Perry didn't you?" Seeing the shocked look on JD's face, she explained. "No Turk didn't tell me, at least not until he knew that I already knew. I saw you guys kissing, but I didn't know that you-"

"Loved him?" JD completed her sentence and pushed his plate away, suddenly not hungry.

Carla's curiosity got the better of her. "JD do you still love Perry?"

"No! Of course not!" JD threw his hands up in frustration. "I don't know. It's just hard to get over someone you've wanted for years, especially when you fall in love and they hurt you so bad. The thing is Todd was there and I just forgot everything because of that. Nothing mattered as long as Todd's arms were around me."

"You should tell Todd that." Carla told him bossily.

"I actually did tell him something like that, but without the 'I love you' at the end." JD explained.

Carla stood up, looking down at JD for the grand finale of her advice giving. "Look JD. Todd isn't Perry. He doesn't have an ex-wife and kids. All he has is you and you know what, he loves you too. So seriously just cut all this drama out and tell him already."

* * *

While JD conversed with Carla, Todd was at the arcade with Turk. Concentrating hard on the skill crane, he eyed a yellow toy cat with a purpose. Moving his hands steadily he managed to successfully pick up the toy and retrieve it.

"How is it that you can't spell worth a damn, but you can still pick up those crane toys like a pro?" Turk asked, looking at the cat as he and Todd walked along the aisles of games. "Why the cat anyway?"

"I thought JD or Sam might like it. After all, JD calls me Angel Cat." Todd smiled, depositing money into a game for him and Turk to play.

"The one thing about your relationship, besides the man-love, that I will never be able to stomach." Turk commented as he concentrated on the game. "I'm telling you that pet name will be the death of me."

"I thought it was kind of dorky at first, but with his moves JD can call me whatever he wants."

"Dude! Come on now." Turk exclaimed, moving his game character with a purpose.

"Seriously I need your help though." Todd replied, moving the joystick and pressing buttons accordingly. "I haven't been in a relationship this long since college. Even then it was just about sex."

"None of that really shocks me, Todd." Turk told him honestly. "Dammit, come on. You're not going to beat me at this again."

"Watch your back T-dog!" Todd cried out before turning serious again. "I'm totally in love with JD."

"I kind of figured that."

Todd sighed before confessing. "I've never said it before. I mean, I only said it to get people to sleep with me." Pausing for a moment to use a special move, Todd continued. "How do you say it when it's for real?"

"You just tell him." Turk smacked the machine as Todd beat him, desperately wanting a subject change. "Well at least I can beat you in foosball."

"T-dog, come on." Todd's expression was upset, signalling to Turk that he did need some advice.

"Seriously Todd, I'm happy for you both but it's still weird talking about this." Turk sighed, trying to push his judgement aside and help not one, but both his friends. "Just find JD and tell him how you feel. Maybe get some flowers because he thinks-"

"They make a room smell like a meadow in spring time." Todd rolled his eyes slightly, but smiled. "He's interesting that way, but still cute. Plus if I buy him flowers, he might give me a little something in return."

"No! No more detail on that front." Turk blocked his ears and walked out the arcade doors. "I'm getting some lunch."

Todd followed after his friend before he realised that he nearly forgot the toy he won. Running back to the machine, he found it sitting on top and grabbed it gratefully. He tucked it under his arm and walked outside. Not seeing Turk anywhere in sight, Todd figured that now would be the best time to visit JD and say what was on his mind.

After a quick visit to the flower shop to pick up a random bunch, Todd drove as fast as he could to JD's apartment. There was nothing to stop the grin on his face when he stopped out front of the building. Todd strode confidently to his boyfriend's door. Flowers in one hand, cat in the other.

"JD!" He knocked softly, then a little harder as no-one answered. "JD?"

Shrugging, he figured he would catch JD at work the next day; leaving the toy and flowers by the door as a nice surprise.

* * *

Todd finished his shower at the hospital. He'd been waiting for JD to finish his shift with anxious excitement and impatience. While he understood that JD was more than likely going the extra mile for one of his patients and going to be late, Todd couldn't hold the words back any longer. It was finally the best opportunity to tell JD of his love, without interruptions.

Drying off, Todd began dancing and humming to himself. Pulling on one of his favourite banana hammocks, he couldn't resist high-fiving a few interns who happened to be in the locker room at that time. Running a comb through his hair and spraying some of his cologne on, Todd grinned to himself.

He grabbed some clothes from his locker before standing in front of the full-length mirror and smiling at his reflection. "Looking fresh."

Todd slipped on a pair of black leather pants, so well fitting that anyone who saw the surgeon wearing them developed a butt fetish. JD's hand rarely left his ass when Todd donned that particular pair. Posing and making his pectoral muscles dance, Todd's smile became even wider at the thoughts running through his head.

After a few minutes of boosting his self-esteem, Todd couldn't help but wonder where JD was. Slipping on a sleeveless t-shirt with the saying "Worlds Best Boyfriend" on the front he grabbed his jacket from his locker and once again returned to the mirror.

"Jacket, or no jacket?" He asked, comparing how he looked with the two. "JD likes the guns, but if it gets cold The Todd can offer him this. Then again, if it gets a little chilly, there's an excuse to get a bit closer." Putting the jacket back in his locker he was satisfied with his decision. "No jacket it is."

Todd was startled when he heard some clapping behind him. Winking at a picture of JD before shutting his locker he then turned around. Seeing the locker room was now empty, except for him and the Janitor. The large man with the tool belt being the source of the clapping.

"What's up?" Todd gave Janitor a nod of acknowledgment.

"Well you're looking awfully happy today." Janitor motioned for Todd to have a seat on one of the benches. "Sit down, tell me all about it."

Todd slid onto the nearest bench and sat up with happiness. "I'm going to tell JD that I love him tonight. Awesome, huh? I tried to say it before, but I kept getting nervous."

"Oh there's nothing like two people in love. I should know since I've been engaged five times." Janitor lied, but in his own mind it seemed to fit. "Do you think he loves you back? Nothing worse than saying it when they don't love you back."

"Dude, come on. Of course he loves me back." Todd tried to look confident but a small part of him stirred with uncertainty.

"Oh really." Janitor pulled some photos from his pocket and began flipping through them, whistling and making awkward faces.

"What are those?" Todd pointed, standing up and trying to get a look at the objects in Janitor's hands.

Janitor hid them from view. "I don't know if I should show you these. After all, you left the Brain Trust, so I don't know where your loyalties are." Plastering a mock friendly grin on his face, he wrapped an arm around Todd. "Though seeing as I'm such a nice guy. Maybe I can trust you to have a look at these things. Just because you chose your boyfriend over our friendship, doesn't mean we can't be buddies."

"Cool." Todd grabbed the pictures and began looking through them. At first he nodded, but then his smile faded. His look turned from confusion to hurt as he scanned through picture after picture. "What are these?"

"That's Chief Angry Doctor and your boyfriend having a kiss at the hospital picnic." Janitor pulled the pictures back. "Look, if you turn them really fast it's like a flip book. Watch!" Janitor showed what he meant, making sound effects as he did so.

Rogue tears were pricking the corners of Todd's eyes. He tried to cover up his emotions by laughing them off. "JD wouldn't do that. He's my boyfriend. Officially and exclusively my man candy. He said so himself." As he said it, a part of him believed it, despite the evidence he'd just seen. No way could JD have betrayed him like that.

"Okay, fair enough. The pictures are worth a thousand words, but I guess you don't even know that many words." Janitor flipped the pictures again. "Look at the boss go, he's really into your boyfriend. Woah."

Todd was about to punch Janitor when someone entered the locker room. JD appeared and smiled as soon as he saw Todd. Oblivious to Janitor leaning against the lockers, JD walked over to Todd with his arms outstretched.

"I've been waiting to see you all day. There is something I have to tell you." JD squeezed Todd tight, but then realised Todd wasn't hugging him back. "What's wrong? Hard day?"

Before Todd could say anything, Janitor's voice rang out through the locker room. "Prone to dumb moments. Pretty harsh thing to say about your boyfriend."

JD turned around only to have photos thrown into his face. As they fluttered to the ground, his eyes widened in horror. His gaze followed the still forms of him and Perry embracing until they hit the floor. Turning to Todd, JD tried to explain before getting interrupted again.

"Never had a serious relationship and probably couldn't handle it. Always making immature sex jokes." Janitor read from the book in his hands. "Guess he thinks you're not up to the challenge."

"That's my journal!" Unwisely, JD tried to swipe it. Janitor turned and pulled it from reach.

"Who's he talking about?" Todd asked, gulping back any indication that he was upset.

"Where did you get those pictures?" JD turned to Janitor, motioning to the floor.

"What I see here is more disrespect. Your boyfriend asked you a question, stupid." Janitor glanced over a few more pages, dramatically gasping at some of the contents he read.

When JD tried to grab it again, Todd managed to get to the book first. Janitor stepped back to watch it all unfold. Todd began reading through a few of the pages as silence filled the locker room.

"What's this about, JD?" Todd asked, holding up the page dated three days before JD and Perry's night at the bar. The day that JD had made his decision and chosen Perry over Todd.

Shaking his head in mock disgust, though secretly relishing in his triumph, Janitor answered. "That page says that while you may have chosen this idiot here, he sure as heck didn't choose you."

"Todd, I can explain." JD reached out and touched Todd's arm, only to have his boyfriend jerk away.

"Oh tough break Scooter!" Janitor laughed out loud.

"Will you shut up?!" JD shouted at the custodial worker, kicking the photos on the ground.

"Why don't you shut up?" Todd snapped; his face more angry than JD had ever seen it. "Thought you could spin The Todd a whole bunch of crap, did you?"

"It wasn't crap, it was never crap. Yes, Doctor Cox and I were sort of together but now I'm with you." JD couldn't control the fear overtaking his body. He didn't want to believe any of it was happening. "_He_ kissed _me_, I swear. I just made a mistake Todd and I'm sorry."

Todd blinked back the water in his eyes and managed some laughter. "Why didn't you tell me this was just about sex?"

"What are you talking about? Todd you know that it was more than that with you. You are the best thing that's happened to me. I'm so sorry. Todd I don't want to lose you. You mean so much to me."

"Come on." Todd was desperately trying to hold back what he really felt. His face twisted into a weird expression and a few laughs escaped his mouth. He hated feeling like such an idiot, so low. In order to hide his feelings, Todd ventured to the familiar "It was always just about bumping uglies. So did you get what you wanted? I know I did. Now you know the proper way to sixty-nine. When you show Doctor Cox, remember to credit me."

"Stop it. You're being ridiculous!" JD pulled Todd to him, looking into his eyes. "You're lying and I know it."

"The Todd is free to appreciate hotness once again." Todd nodded, biting his lip until blood trickled into his mouth. His eyes were watering worse than ever as they stared into JD's but he still managed not to cry. He threw the journal against some lockers, causing a bang to echo through the room.

"You're not free, you're my boyfriend." JD wrapped his arms around Todd's neck. "We belong together, we're happier that way. I can't go through this again."

Todd shook JD's arms off. "Dude, I don't need you anymore." He raised one hand and grabbed JD's wrist with the other, trying to pretend that he could just brush their relationship off. "Break up five!" He forced the two hands to meet, despite JD trying to protest.

Todd headed for the exit, unable to look at his now ex-boyfriend any longer. JD stood in shock for a moment as he watched Todd leave. He thought about following after when he heard some sarcastic sniffling behind him. Suddenly JD remembered he wasn't alone. Shaking violently, he slowly turned himself to Janitor.

"Better luck next time." Janitor laughed sadistically as he saw the look on JD's face.

"Why the hell would you do that?" JD whispered quietly, wondering why he was surprised that his tormentor had stooped to this level.

"Well I was going to paste them up all over the hospital, but I thought this worked much better."

JD stormed up to the taller man and shook his head. "You think its funny spying on people? Breaking someone's heart like that?" Before Janitor could reply with a smart remark a maniacal smile appeared on JD's face. "You always torture me. Fuck with my life for no reason except for the fact, well I don't know why you do it. You know what, you win." Through watery eyes, JD looked at Janitor with a purpose. "Is this what you want, Janitor? Is this what gets you off?"

Having never seen JD in such a crazy state before, Janitor didn't know how to react. He wasn't sure why his chest hurt a little. Why after all these years did it not seem like fun anymore? He watched as JD swiftly pulled the knife-wrench from his belt. For a moment, Janitor feared the doctor would stab him until he felt his hand being forced open and the weapon clutched in his fist.

JD grabbed the Janitor's hand, pointing the weapon to his chest. "Go ahead. Why don't we get this over with? I clearly annoy you so much to the point where you had to do this to me."

Janitor tried to choke out some words as he watched the tears finally spill from JD's swollen red eyes. A lump caught in his throat, it appeared that his small conscience was alerting him to just how far he'd gone. His hand shook as the knife end of his knife-wrench was still pointed at JD. There was a little part of him tempted to take the opportunity, but even he wasn't that evil.

"I'd rather be dead than feel like this again. So, Janitor, what are you waiting for?" JD didn't know what he was doing, but he was too upset to care.

Putting the tool back in his belt, Janitor straightened himself up. Finally he managed some words from his mouth. "Don't be so dramatic, Nancy boy."

* * *

**NOTE:** Awww :-( Poor JD and Todd. Angsty chapter *once again hands out tissues to sensitive readers* Silly fear stopped them from saying "I love you" when they had the chance. Now what will happen as a result of this? Who will be affected? Do you want me to update so JD can find out where his heart lies? Keep reading and reviewing, there's more to come soon.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

JD once again tried calling Todd's cell phone and yet again he was answered with the voice mail greeting. The only positive factor was that at least JD could hear Todd's voice before leaving another apologetic message in order to get him to understand.

Turning on his stereo, JD flipped on the Journey CD. He had been alternating between Todd's favourite 80's hits disc and that one; listening to the songs that reminded him of their time together.

"Highway run, into the midnight sun. Wheels go round and round, you're on my mind." He sang along, until he found the irony in singing 'Faithfully' when he'd been the exact opposite.

JD hadn't cried since he'd come home the afternoon prior. All his tears had been spilled very briefly in the hospital locker room, before he felt too numb. Since then he'd been practically out of his own body. He'd almost forgotten to pick Sam up from day care due to his depressed daze. Coming home he had put on the music, looked at a picture of Todd, watch the flowers he had received slowly wilt and supervised Sam while the child watched television and played. The only reason to break this routine was to call Todd and leave a message, feed Sam and the few hours he'd attempted to sleep.

He dreaded work that morning, particularly since he had barely slept at all. JD could feel the bags forming under his eyes as he made himself breakfast. His meal turned out far less perfect than Todd's always would. After wolfing down his runny eggs and charcoal toast, JD figured he should check on his son.

Sam was sleeping peacefully when JD went to check in on him. Not even his son's room provided an escape from Todd reminders. The squishy green football was never far away and Sam had fallen in love with the yellow toy cat the moment he'd spotted it with the flowers.

JD felt the urge to apologise to the tot, who he knew had developed somewhat of an attachment to Todd. He gently took Sam's hand, giving it a light squeeze. The words didn't come out, but his eyes spoke volumes.

After that, JD walked like a zombie to his bathroom. Stripping off his pyjamas quickly he stepped into the shower. As the water ran over him he shut his eyes, thinking of Todd. Picturing the other man's arms wrapped around him. Remembering the moments when they would soap each other down and shampoo the other's hair.

"Todd. Todd. Todd." JD whispered into the air, despite knowing it was completely pointless.

JD felt his dick harden at the mere memories. He cursed his manhood for being so unco-operative before cursing himself for kissing Perry. Why did he have to be such a self-saboteur? Why did he have to be such a commitment phobic? JD pondered these questions as he reached for the cold water tap and turned it up full blast.

Screaming into the bathroom so that it echoed off the walls, JD sunk into the bathtub below his shower. He began shivering as the cold water ran over him, stabbing his body like mini icicles. The benefit was that he was now fully awake and his eyes didn't feel so droopy.

After drying off, JD dressed himself for work. He sighed and figured that with the way Sacred Heart news travelled, most people probably knew about him and Todd. If not, the lack of affection would certainly tip them off. Not only that, he had to see Todd and though JD predicted he would be rebuffed a thousand times over, it wouldn't stop him trying to make things right.

Then there was Perry. The person that started this whole mess. The man he had managed to forget and move on from, despite everything. JD didn't want to see him. Why did he go back to the older man? Why did he have to give in?

JD spotted his journal beside his bed. Grabbing it he studied the pages and read about all the moments he had chronicled since he and Todd had become an item. He managed a weak smile.

"Why couldn't Todd have read these pages?" JD wondered aloud, flipping back through the pages until he came to the PROS and CONS lists.

Anger fuelled him and he ripped the pages out. Frantically, JD tore at his journal until most of the entries were confetti on the floor. Calming down, he sat for a moment before cleaning up the mess and throwing it in the nearby trash basket. Looking at the now empty pages which still remained intact in his journal, JD threw the book in as well.

"Stupid journal." JD muttered before leaving the room. However, seconds later he came back, retrieved the book from the trash and hugged it. "I'm sorry. I'll start over again okay. I didn't mean to tear you up."

A page fell out of the small waste basket. Grunting, JD went to pick it up. He noticed the words on the paper, seeing that it was the entry from the day he and Todd went to the park, where they had cuddled up on a blanket talking before wrapping themselves in it and kissing. Feeling his heart beat faster from reading the words, JD tucked the page in his pocket. He wasn't going to let go just yet.

* * *

Todd came into work after a sleepless night. He felt upset, heartbroken and angry. More than anything he was desperate to hide it. He blinked his eyes, still incredibly tired despite the espresso he had downed two minutes prior.

His cell phone rang again. Without even looking at it, he knew it was JD. Todd had heard at least ten sorry messages on his voice mail from his ex and was not prepared to listen to another one. Heading towards the gym, Todd figured he'd squeeze in a workout before his surgery at ten thirty.

Quickly changing into his gym clothes, Todd kept repeating his affirmation about getting his self-esteem on. He waved around the gym to his surgical interns and acquaintances before picking up a pair of dumbbells. Bringing his arms up, Todd pumped the iron and worked his biceps, watching his form in the mirror as he did so.

Just when he was succeeding in clearing his mind of the previous day's events, he saw the reflection in the mirror. Heading towards the treadmills was none other than Perry Cox; the man responsible for breaking up his first real love.

Todd dropped the weights he was using and stormed over to Perry, seeing red. Before the other man could think about stepping on the treadmill, Todd grabbed his arm and pulled him off. Their eyes locked in rage.

"You kissed JD." Todd said bluntly.

Touching his nose and folding his arms, Perry gritted his teeth. "Keep your voice down, dumbass."

Todd balled his hands into fists, not willing to take orders from the chief. "Dude, why the hell did you kiss my boyfriend?"

By this point, others in the gym had turned to watch. Murmurs began about the possibility of Perry and JD together. Some had stopped working out. Others who were standing around moved in a little closer to get the news.

"Well if I remember correctly there Todd, JD wasn't complaining."

Without even thinking of the consequences, Todd punched Perry square in the jaw. All he could see when he looked at the man was that kiss. The pictures that had messed up the plans of telling JD he loved him. The proof that JD most likely didn't love him back.

Perry let out a chuckle through his angry demeanour. "You just made the biggest mistake of your life. Very stupid, even for you."

Letting out a battle cry, Todd lunged at Perry. He managed to tackle the older man to the ground. Together they wrestled for dominance, both seeming equally matched in terms of strength. As they moved their fight, rolling onto the exercise mats, everyone in the gym had gathered around to watch. Some were cheering and egging them on, while others were paging their fellow employees to come see. Very few were actually doing anything to stop it and those that tried were reluctant to get involved in the scrap and soon stepped back.

Todd managed to get the upper hand, pinning Perry down and aiming another punch at his jaw. He stood up and stared down at the older man, making a comment about him being pathetic. In his arrogant state, Todd stupidly turned his back on Perry. Using this opportunity, the chief of medicine stood up and grabbed the surgeon in a headlock.

While the fight raged on in the gym, pagers were going off all over the hospital. A confused JD was walking through the halls just starting his shift, witnessing the commotion. He was about to ask someone about all the fuss and beeping, as it clearly wasn't a code, when his own pager went off. The message simply said SMACKDOWN IN GYM.

Unable to retain his curiosity, JD followed some of the crowd heading that direction. Anything that would take his mind of Todd was a blessing in his book. However, as he reached the doors JD realised that it wasn't what he had anticipated.

Nearby, one nurse was explaining to another and JD couldn't help but overhear. "The Todd and Chief Doctor Cox are fighting over JD."

JD stood still for a moment, unsure of whether he was willing to see the fight between his two exes. It didn't matter that he hadn't entered the gym because minutes later, people were sprawling out into the halls.

"They're coming out!" cried a random resident.

The world seemed to move in slow motion as Perry and Todd came into view. Having elbowed his way out of a headlock, Todd was having a stare down with Perry. Perry's mouth was bleeding and Todd's eye looked to be swelling. JD couldn't take his eyes off of them. Soon they were back fighting again, testing each others strength and will. Trying to keep vertical and get the upper hand. Todd screaming about how Perry kissed JD while Perry shouted back that Todd was just a rebound.

Perry slammed Todd against the wall, causing a few pictures to fall and a frame to smash on the ground. Todd threw the chief of medicine into a nearby medical cart, effectively sending Perry and an abundance of supplies to the ground. Before JD could stop Todd, the surgeon grunted and jumped right back on Perry.

"Somebody has to do something!' JD shouted out to the people nearest to him.

"Why are you looking at us? They're fighting over you." A nearby orderly replied before egging the fight on again.

Knowing that the orderly was right, JD rushed towards them to break it up. But, the pair ran themselves back into the gym. The fight ended up back on the floor, with Perry and Todd punching, kneeing and elbowing in order to inflict as much damage on the other as possible. Perry found the strength to shove Todd off him, almost causing the surgeon to knock over the collection of hand weights.

Perry managed to get up, walking over to pull Todd up to a vertical base. They were both clearly weak, but still enraged. Perry aimed a kick that tripped Todd to the floor. A strategic movement of the leg saw Todd do the same thing to the older man. Both tried to get up, looking like two alpha-male lions as they leered at each other from crouching positions.

Finally as the pair looked to lunge at each other again, Turk and a few others stepped in to stop the fight. Turk and another surgeon holding Todd back, while a surgeon and two medical interns held Perry. JD managed to push his way to the front of the crowd and eyed both of them.

"Okay Todd, calm down." Turk tried to soothe his friend. "I know he beat on JD, I wanted to kill him too. But fighting is not smart."

"Dude, he beat up JD?" Todd looked at Turk with confusion before his rage resurfaced. With a burst of strength managed to get free and dived at Perry once again. This time Todd, Perry and the three holding Perry all crashed to the floor. This effectively riled up the crowd once again.

Turk managed to find JD in the chaos. "Why is he beating Cox up if not for him beating on you?"

JD said loud enough so that his friend could hear over the fussy crowd. "Perry and I kissed at the hospital picnic. Janitor had a picture and showed it to Todd. It was after our shift yesterday, Todd broke up with me."

Suddenly JD noticed that people had heard him and knew that what he said was being passed around. Squeezing through the crowd again, JD managed to get close to Perry and Todd. Both men were bleeding and sweaty, panting for breath yet determined not to give up. However they were forced to when once again people stepped in to hold them back and stop them.

"You were the one that gave JD those bruises. You sick fuck!" Todd shouted, which shocked people. It alerted everyone to how enraged he was. While he had delivered sex jokes to the moon, Todd was never one for the f-word. In fact he was rarely one for such fury.

Not even caring that everyone around him knew, Perry was determined to win more than anything. "Well at least JD loved me. We all know he never said it to you! Now you're about to get your ass fired!"

Suddenly the crowd parted and a figure stepped into the middle of the circle. The mere presence of this person was enough to freeze both fighters and everyone watching in their tracks.

Perry's face drained in colour. His red cheeks turning white as his eyes locked with another. "Jordan" was all he could whisper.

The woman had her arms crossed and put up her hand to silence anything else Perry wanted to say. "Save it Per." Jordan looked back and forth from Perry to JD, giving a slight glance to Todd.

JD knew better, but he tried to make things right anyway. "Jordan, we didn't mean for any of this-"

"Uh-uh. No. No. No. I'm talking now." Jordan turned to him with a malicious yet surprisingly calm expression. Once again she looked around before shaking her head in disgust. "I can't deal with this." She left the gym before anyone could catch her resolve cracking and possibly see her crying.

Perry stared after Jordan before chasing as best he could, which wasn't very fast at all given his recent brawl. Some of the crowd dispersed, while a few people tended to Todd's injuries. JD made his way over to Todd. However, just as he was within arms reach, Turk stepped in front, creating a wall between them.

"JD I think you should go." Turk told him seriously. He touched his best friend's arm out of guilt.

"I want to take care of Todd. He doesn't look good." JD tried to edge past, but Turk grabbed his arms and held him in place. "He's bleeding, Turk! Please, you know how I feel about him."

"Do _you_ even know how you feel about him? Todd doesn't need this right now. Just take a walk, okay."

JD couldn't believe how his best friend was acting. "You said that you'd choose me if things got like this."

"I'm not taking sides. Todd's just been beaten up pretty badly. Do you really think he wants to see the guy that broke his heart?" Turk patted his best friend on the arm before walking off to help Todd. "Just leave The Todd alone. I'll talk to you later, okay buddy."

JD watched as the others helped Todd. He fought every instinct to run after him. Despite not meaning to, JD knew he had hurt Todd pretty bad. He took Turk's advice and went back to work; hoping things would get better soon.

* * *

"Jordan please, you have to listen to me." Perry limped into his apartment, having to catch a cab due to being too messed up to drive.

She had already packed most of her stuff by the time he arrived. Perry could do nothing but watch and groan. He took a seat on the edge of the bed, putting a hand over the suitcase that lay beside him.

"Perry you know if you leave your hand there much longer, I will slam it." It was obvious that Jordan had been crying, despite her attempts to hide it.

"You have to listen. The thing with JD and I…"

"Actually Perry I don't _have_ to do anything, except get out of here because the sight of you makes me want to kill you." Jordan's eyes bore into him, dark and angry. "You know when I first saw those pictures of you and JD, I preyed they were photo-shopped."

"Janitor." Perry gritted his teeth. "I can't believe he showed you those."

"Actually, they were just randomly in our mail box. Now I guess I know who to thank for the straight answer."

"Jordan-"

"Shut up!" She snapped loudly, not caring if Jennifer Dylan and her nanny could hear. "You know what the funny thing is. I could see this coming from a mile away. I knew that getting close to you again was a bad idea. But you were all lovey-dovey and getting serious and I fell for it all over again."

"It's over. No more. I won't leave you and the kids." Perry explained, grabbing some tissues to catch some blood still dripping from his busted lip.

"That's okay because I'm the one doing the leaving, so you don't have to." Jordan attempted a confident, arrogant smile. However, her eyes were a dead giveaway that she was grieving inside. "You can pick Jack up at school and you can explain to him why mommy and daddy aren't together anymore." She grabbed an envelope from the nightstand, thrusting it at Perry. "Maybe you can show him the pictures."

"Don't do this, please Jordan." Perry stood up and grabbed her arm before she could place more blouses in the suitcase. "We can work this out. We've been through worse than this."

"How can I be with you when you're still in love with your little protégé? Even after all these years." Jordan asked him, letting out a disbelieving chuckle. "Heck you've always been in love with him but I never thought for one second you'd actually have the guts to pursue it."

Perry didn't have an answer for that. There was no point in denying his feelings for JD, but he didn't want Jordan to leave. He was at a loss for words, along with his loss of control.

"By the way, I don't think you'll end up firing that surgeon." Jordan eyed him threateningly.

Perry suddenly stood up, annoyed now. "Why the hell wouldn't I do that?"

"Face it Per, do you really think anyone is going to vouch for you? Even if someone out there does, you really think it won't bring you down too? One phone call to the right board member and I can make sure this whole thing gets thrown out." Jordan rolled her eyes, happy to know she still had some kind of power play. "Besides, Chief of Medicine beats up a top surgeon over a homosexual affair? They'd have a field day with that one. Of course this means you get to keep your little position too, but you win some you lose some."

"Just stop this!" Perry grabbed Jordan's arms and made her look at him. "Let's just sit down, put a few drinks in us and actually have an adult conversation about this matter."

"You know from what I hear you did to JD, I wouldn't be putting your hands on me." Jordan felt her eyes tear up again, but her malice over-ruled any desire to cry.

"You're the one to talk. We were separated for just eighteen months and you slept with half the area code. Not to mention the indiscretions during our marriage." Perry retorted. "I have one little affair and you decide to leave?"

"The second time around I thought we were actually working!" Jordan screamed at her partner. "We were having problems before, so I made a mistake. Then we separated and I didn't want to feel for you ever again. Ever since we got back together, I've been faithful because, god forbid, I thought you'd be too."

"One little fucked up affair. It's over now. How about you just forgive me?" Perry groaned, not willing to fight anymore. "What's the difference, we can get passed it."

"The difference is that, despite your funny way of showing it, you're in love with him. I never loved anyone except…except you." Jordan explained, somewhat reluctantly. She didn't like showing her emotions, letting Perry know he'd hurt her. "So was the reason you got so damn handsy because you'd just done it with him? He turned you on and I got the sloppy seconds."

Perry finally let his emotion come out. He pulled Jordan close and hugged her. "I'm sorry. I tried to keep him away but he kept at me. I told him that you and the kids were most important."

"You're bleeding on my top." Jordan managed to push Perry off her and onto the floor. She stood over him, not taking her eyes off him as she shut her suitcase. "You're a pathetic excuse for a man."

With that last statement, she stormed from their bedroom. Grabbing Jennifer Dylan and dismissing the nanny along her way out. Jordan briefly looked back into the apartment to find a beaten up Perry trudging slowly out of the bedroom in an attempt to catch her.

"Jordan, get back here! Don't do this!" Perry yelled so loud that Jennifer Dylan began to cry.

"It seems you have a talent for making little girls cry."

Donning her confident smile and pretending to be her strong, ball-busting self, Jordan tried to comfort her daughter and slammed the door. Sure she looked like a woman making the right decision, but all she wanted to do was break down.

* * *

**NOTE:** So what is everyone thinking at this time? Looks like the next few chapters have some emotional stuff in them. I've already started working on Chap 20, so that should be up pretty soon if it goes as well as expected. In the meantime, hope you liked this instalment. Thanks for reading.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

Three more post-break up days went by with a blur. JD had been throwing himself into his work as much as possible, going even further for his patients to the point where some of them wanted him to go away. But no matter how much responsibility was thrown his way, JD couldn't block out everything else that was happening in his life.

He had heard through the grape vine about Jordan and Perry's split. A part of him wanted to talk it out with his ex, see if he could help the situation and get the chief and Jordan back together but Perry had been crammed up in his office. JD knew that even though he felt responsible it was best not to pursue, plus his mind was on other things.

Todd had somehow forgotten everything he and JD had shared. It was amazing the way he just went back to his old perverted self and hit on everything that walked by. JD knew deep down in his gut that it was just to hurt him, at least that's what he wanted to believe. But upon remembering that the go with the flow nature was something he loved about Todd, he couldn't help but wonder if the surgeon had in fact moved on from him.

All the surgeons were on Todd's side, in fact a lot of the hospital was. Most of the nursing staff comforted Todd, figuring that his innuendo was just covering up a broken heart. His battle scars from the fight with Perry helped to plead his sympathy case.

JD was simultaneously dreading and grateful for lunch time. Lunch was the only meal he'd really sat down to eat as he was usually really hungry by that point in the day. However, the cafeteria was full of judgemental eyes.

To make things worse, whenever Todd saw JD, he would deliberately make a pass at the nearest person and the cafeteria was the one place they were guaranteed to meet during the day. JD would put his head down and try to hide how much it hurt.

JD grabbed an empty table towards the back of the cafeteria; out of the way of most people, yet still able to look at Todd. He hadn't felt so hated since he'd told a pregnant Kim there was no chance for them.

"So how does it feel to be among the most hated men in the hospital?"

JD looked up when Perry sat down. He almost cringed at the sight. Having not seen the older man for a few days, he'd almost forgotten that Perry also had visible bumps and bruises from fighting Todd.

"What are you doing here?" JD asked, directing the question down at his food.

"As you probably heard, Jordan left me because of you." Perry explained before taking a sip of his soda.

JD looked up at the man he'd admired for many years. "And Todd left me because of you, so what's your point?"

"It doesn't look like he needed too much convincing." Perry looked back at the surgeon, sitting with a table full of female nurses. "That's the thing about nurses, no matter how uncomfortable you make them, they can't resist the wounded puppy. Just like the pervert he is, The Todd is lapping it all up."

JD stood up and stormed out. Even though he could see it, Perry's words just made Todd's actions more real. He suddenly lost his appetite and was in no mood to talk to Perry. He headed towards the elevator, hoping to grab a muffin from Coffeebucks that would help him get through the afternoon.

However, as he pushed the button, JD noticed that Perry had followed after him. To get away from the older man as fast as possible he ducked into the stairwell and proceeded in climbing. Unfortunately the set of stairs led up to their old love nest; the roof.

JD stepped out into the light of day and stared at the door, waiting for Perry to catch up with him. He hadn't been to the roof since their last get together. The memories that the place brought up shook him a little, particularly as his former lover stepped onto the roof.

"What do you want from me?!" JD snapped, throwing his arms up in frustration.

Perry walked over to him, cupping his face. "You know what I want."

JD shoved him back. "Sorry Perry, but I don't want you." He stormed over to the edge of the roof, looking at the view rather than the older man.

Perry didn't know how things had gotten so messed up. At least, he didn't want to admit his fault in the matter. In his mind, JD still loved him. He was determined to prove that now that they were both single. With nothing standing in his way, they could commit to each other completely.

Perry walked over to the younger man, placing a hand on his shoulder. "You do realise that we're both free now and since we can't seem to keep our hands off each other how about we finally give this a fair shot? I love you."

"Well I don't love you." JD shot back, walking away once again.

Before JD managed to get three steps ahead, Perry caught his arm and his fury started to heat up. "You don't mean that."

JD jerked his arm away, spinning to look at Perry with a purpose. "I do mean it. I don't love you. I thought I did but I guess you finally beat it out of me Perry. I made one little mistake but I'd rather be alone than get screwed over by you again."

Perry saw red. His hands shook with rage. He finally knew what it was like to put his heart on the line and JD was throwing it right back at him. "I gave up everything for you and after everything you've said and all we've been through you're giving me up for some slim chance that The Todd will actually take you back."

JD felt a flash of fear rip through him, but he wouldn't allow it. Taking a deep breath, he managed a shaky but firm reply. "You gave up nothing for me, at least not voluntarily. Though you were right about one thing, our problem is that you can't seem to keep your hands off me. I would rather wait for a chance that may never happen with Todd, then take any more of what you have to offer. I'm done with being kicked around by you. Goodbye Perry."

JD headed back down the stairs, confident that Perry had received the message. As he headed towards the room of a patient, JD spotted Todd stepping out of the cafeteria.

Todd's eyes, one of them blackened, locked with JD's. They both stood paralysed for a moment, but Todd wasn't going to let the medical doctor know that he was in pain. After all, he was confident, buff and believed he could get anyone. The Todd wasn't supposed to let feelings get to him this way.

Always quick with the innuendo, Todd spotted the closest target to show JD he was doing fine. "Hey Doctor Norris, want to play puppets? I'll let you put your hand in me, anytime."

Crude as it was, JD couldn't find it disgusting. It hurt a little too much. But JD knew that Todd was hurting too; he'd seen that side of the surgeon over their relationship. When everything passed they would find each other again. He was sure of it and wasn't going to miss that chance, especially not for Perry.

* * *

After a long day, the last place Perry wanted to be was in a meeting with Jack's teacher. But since the nanny was sick and he wanted any excuse to leave the hospital a little early, Perry played the hand he was dealt. He went to the classroom and only half listened to the teacher before reassuring her he would handle it.

Jack was waiting on a bench outside the classroom. Perry didn't know how to react to what he'd just been informed of. Frustrated, he led his son out to his Porsche.

It was only when sitting in the driver's seat that Perry finally spoke. "So Jack-o, do you mind telling me why you punched the school janitor in the groin?"

"Because of what you were saying last night, Daddy." Jack explained, flashing the smile that rarely left his face.

Perry shot his son a confused look. "What are you talking about?"

"You said that Mommy and Jennifer Dylan went away because janitors were stupid and crazy. You said that a janitor ruined your life. Then some stuff about JD the idiot."

Perry suddenly remembered what he'd been rambling about for the last few nights. He would come home, drink scotch and mumble about everything that had happened to no-one in particular. Sometimes he would blame characters on whatever TV show he was watching for being so gosh darn cheerful while he tried to make sense of his life.

"When is Mommy coming back?" Jack asked, seeing his dad looking a little distressed.

Perry had been pretty vague about where the two females of his family had gone. Jordan knew that this very moment would be torture for him, which he figured was her reason for leaving Jack behind apart from school. He couldn't lie, but he didn't want to reveal the whole truth either.

"Do you remember what I told you about love?" Perry finally settled on what he could say.

"You mean that it makes you go crazy."

Perry laughed and nodded. "Sometimes you end up hurting people, other times you end up hurting yourself."

"Like when you hurt yourself falling down the stairs."

In order to cover up for the fact he'd fought with Todd, Perry had lied about his injuries. Telling Jack the truth would reveal too much.

"Yeah it was. Crazy, cuckoo love." Perry replied. "Daddy has done some stupid things over the past few months. I'm sorry if I've become angry with you or hurt you in any way." He leaned over and gave Jack a quick hug.

Jack, still oblivious to the real story behind all the seriousness, smiled. "One time Jenny used my crayons and drew all over my space man picture."

"Did she now?"

Jack nodded. "I was mad at her, but I still love her. And Mommy got mad when I used her smelly powder to make snow in the bathroom."

Perry laughed at the incident with the talcum powder that happened merely weeks before. "I remember, but she still loves you."

"Yeah."

"Sometimes you know the right thing to do, other times you just end up doing the opposite." Perry stated, staring through the windscreen out into the distance. "Love can turn you into a monster."

"What do you mean, Daddy?"

"Oh Jack-o, Daddy hurt some people that he didn't mean to hurt. Some people that he cares about very much." Perry explained, turning back to Jack and trying hard not to just spill his guts to someone who probably couldn't fathom the situation.

"Why don't you say you're sorry?" Jack suggested.

"I think I've said sorry too many times. It won't work this time, I'm afraid."

"Then maybe you should do what mommy says and suck it up." Jack put on his seat belt, clearly restless and ready to go.

Perry couldn't help but let out a little chuckle. "Which reminds me; you better suck it up when you apologise to your school janitor tomorrow."

Since they were just talking about it, Jack found it easy to get an excuse. "But I didn't mean to hurt him. Love made me crazy."

Perry found himself laughing at Jack's naivety, but nevertheless answered anyway. "Me too, son."

* * *

Carla and Turk stood in line at Coffeebucks, waiting for their beverages. It wasn't hard to spot JD at a table by the window, picking at a chocolate pie with a fork. Carla couldn't help but feel for him.

Carla nudged her husband. "Look at him, he's miserable."

"Baby, I know. I've been trying to cheer him up but he's just not going for it. We have to leave him alone for a few days." Turk tried to reason with Carla, but he knew the woman could never resist meddling.

"We have to do something about this. JD is a workaholic zombie and The Todd is worse than he was before." Carla told him.

"Since, yet again, this situation somehow turned back on me I've been stuck in the middle of two of my best friends." Turk explained, picking up his coffee from the counter. "It's not easy."

"Come on, baby. You know he needs you." Carla gave him the look that usually wore Turk down. "We have to get them back together. Everything was so much better then."

"Look, you have to leave them alone. Besides, Todd gave JD back a bunch of stuff today. That's why he's so depressed."

"That's nothing. Now let's get over there." Carla grabbed her own beverage, heading over to JD's table with Turk in tow. "Hey Bambi, are you feeling any better today?"

"Todd gave me back a box of stuff today. Stuff I left at his house, gifts I gave to him. I think he even put some of his stuff in here, just because I liked it too much." JD motioned to the box beside him.

"Dude you were only going out two months? How could you possibly have a box that big?" Turk eyed the box with curiosity.

"We stayed at each other's places a lot." JD sighed, savouring a mouthful of pie. "This used to be our thing. Chocolate pie doesn't seem worth it without Todd getting it over his mouth. I used to like kissing it off."

"I know you're hurting Vanilla Bear, but you have to move on." Turk patted JD's shoulder sympathetically.

"I guess you're right. Besides, Kim agreed to let me have Sam for some extra time to help me get over the loneliness. So that's a positive, right?" JD picked at his pie a little more.

"Yeah it is." Turk nodded, pulling the pie plate from his friend. "Speaking of the positive side, since this pie causes such bad memories, I should probably take it."

"No chocolate for you. You had your candy bar last night." Carla moved the plate before her husband could touch it.

"I've been trying to look at this whole thing from a positive perspective." JD told his friends. "Maybe John Dorian isn't meant to fall in love. Maybe my destiny is to focus on my career, become Chief of Medicine and finally figure out the secret to floating head doctor." He seemed a little more confident as he spoke of his fantasies. "I could find the cure for cancer but if I kept spending all my free time with Todd that might never happen. It's destiny, my friends."

"Well that's great. Both of you are getting on with your lives and moving on to bigger and better things." Turk said as an attempt to move on from the subject and cheer up his heart broken best friend.

"Todd's moving on to bigger and better things?" JD hadn't been expecting to hear that, despite his attempt at looking on the bright side.

"Come on, how could Todd possibly be over you that quickly." Carla cried in disbelief. "You two had something, as weird as it was. I can tell that he still loves you."

JD's eyes seemed to light up with a glimmer of hope. "Do you think there's still a chance?"

"You kissed Doctor Cox, man!" Turk blurted out, due to his own insecurities at JD and Perry's relationship. But when he saw the look on his best friend's face, Turk offered reassurance. "Todd's not as strong as he likes people to think he is. Just give him some time."

"I really miss him." JD said with absolute earnestness. "I understand why he's mad and why you've been hanging out with him a lot the past few days, Chocolate Bear. I just wish I hadn't let Perry kiss me."

"So what!? Granted, you did kiss Perry but if you truly tell him it was a mistake I'm sure Todd will take you back." Carla told him, her face glowing with excitement. "You two will be back together by the end of the day and all of us will be better off."

"Turk?" JD asked his best friend inquisitively.

"Maybe not by the end of the day, but soon enough. As much as I hate to admit it, you two really seem to love each other."

"Guess I have a few more days of hell then." JD managed a chuckle, feeling more light hearted since his conversation with the husband and wife team.

By unfortunate coincidence, his joy was not to last too long. Todd entered Coffeebucks in an incredibly happy mood. He was high-fiving everyone he passed. JD tried to hear exactly what high five it was and didn't have to wait to long.

"Did he just give Mickhead a 'Player's got a date for Friday' five?" JD asked, the colour draining from his face.

Todd approached the table, bee-lining for his best friend. "Hey T-Dog. Guess what?"

"Player got a date?" Turk asked, taking a sympathetic glance at JD and hoping he was wrong.

"Damn straight five." Todd high-fived Turk before turning his attention to JD. He held up his hand and swatted the air. "Totally over you air five!" He turned to Carla briefly and gave her a wink. "Looking good chica."

Carla shuddered as Todd walked away from their table. "How can he go from that, to incredibly sweet when he's with you?"

"You know what Todd's like, he's probably lying just to mess with you."

JD stared off after his ex. How he wanted to believe Turk more than anything. But he knew that Todd's revelation contained only truth.

"He's not lying is he?" Carla noticed the look on JD's face.

"No, he's not." JD replied bluntly before standing up. "If you don't mind I'm just going to walk around for awhile."

As he walked out of Coffeebucks and into a daze, JD had to will himself to keep breathing and smiling. He wanted to hate Todd and this side of him, but he had seen what lay beneath. He wanted to find whoever Todd's date was and send them packing, but knew it wouldn't do any good.

As Janitor's mop tripped him, sending him crashing to the floor JD realised that he just didn't want to feel anymore. Perry was gone, Todd was gone and there was no point in trying to fix any of it, no matter how much he wanted to.

He stood up and brushed himself off, ignoring the maintenance man who clearly wanted some attention or revenge for nothing. Todd had moved on and he knew he had to as well. Getting over Perry had been easy enough, how hard could it be this time?

* * *

**NOTE:** So the plot thickens. Perry is realising it takes more than an apology to rectify his actions. JD isn't over The Todd, but it appears that Todd has a date. What will happen as a result of all this? Do you want to know? Do you? Love ya'll :-)


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

After seeing how little Todd seemed to care, JD made a vow to get over him. He kept himself occupied to avoid thinking about the surgeon, which was a little tricky at the hospital; plus a part of him was still curious as to who Todd had a date with. But it was easy enough on his day off, since he didn't have to see Todd. Plus the extra days with Sam gave him something to fill his time so he didn't sit around thinking.

"Look Sam, look at the fish." JD pointed at the window.

He had taken Sam to the aquarium as a happy treat for both of them. JD had insisted on getting shark fin hats from the gift shop before entering. He donned his with a childish pride, while Sam seemed awestruck by it; taking it off to inspect it with curiosity.

Sam stood in front of the window, pointing at a particularly big fish swimming past. He made a noise which JD knew was Sam's signal for amazement. He picked his son up from the ground and led him over to the next window, where some more colourful fish were located.

Sam let out some happy squeals, reaching out towards the glass. He looked back and forth between his dad and the fish as if to be sure JD wasn't missing out on such an amazing thing. Sam clearly liked the colours and the fascination of something new, JD admired the fish for their tranquillity. How they swam around without a care in the world.

Fish didn't need to worry about their mentor turned lover abusing them. Fish didn't go around sabotaging their relationships. Fish didn't have to smile and gradually get over their ex-boyfriends who they were still in love with.

"Though I guess they have to worry about getting eaten by sharks, or whales or sea lions." JD muttered his thoughts aloud.

JD placed Sam back in his stroller and continued showing him all the aquarium had to offer. Sam was clearly enjoying himself, pointing out all the things he liked and smiling, which cheered JD immensely. In fact he'd barely thought about the love triangle all day.

"Okay Sammy, we're approaching the shark tunnel. You want to get out of your stroller?" When Sam made no attempt to move, JD just kept him in but put on the shark fin cap to set the atmosphere.

He walked through the shark tunnel slowly making sure Sam could get a good look. JD had always loved this part of the aquarium; it was like being under water without all the complicated scuba equipment; looking at sharks without having to worry about being attacked. Plus this way he could witness Sam's happiness, hear the clapping and wear an "ultra cool" shark hat.

At the end of the shark tunnel, JD was relieved to find a bench. Pushing Sam over, he took a seat and removed the child from his stroller. Sitting Sam on his lap, JD gave him a cuddle. Together they sat and watched the various windows in front of them, admiring the marine life within.

"Are you hungry?" JD asked as Sam began squirming and whining a little. Pulling out the bottle of apple juice from the side compartment of his back pack, JD proceeded in giving his son a drink.

Suddenly the relaxing moment was put to a stand still. JD dismissed it, figuring that it couldn't be. However, there was no way to deny it.

"Dude, sharks are awesome!"

JD shut his eyes at hearing Todd's voice. He didn't want to turn around, but his automatic instincts forced him too. Before he could turn back and hope that Todd passed, Sam let out a happy squeal.

It drew the attention of Todd and what appeared to be his date. After a moment of shock, JD recognised the girl beside Todd as Nurse Alicia. The two men stared at each other, not knowing how to proceed. Alicia waved at JD, trying to be friendly but the awkwardness was clear on her face. Then there was Sam, who was cheerfully bouncing on JD's knee and pointing at Todd.

JD preyed that they would just go. Suddenly he felt like a huge tool. He couldn't believe that not only was he dateless, but wearing a childish hat. His mind kept screaming and willing them to leave. But to try and prove the tension didn't exist, the pair came over. All three plastered smiles on their faces.

"So, how are you doing JD?" Alicia was the first to break the silence.

"I'm doing fine, Nurse Alicia. How about you?" JD managed to answer.

"Well since I'm off work, it's just Alicia and right now I couldn't feel more uncomfortable."

"It's cool, right JD?" Todd tried to look like he was okay with it all, but JD could spot the nervous foot shuffling a mile away.

JD moved his gaze to Todd. "Why wouldn't it be cool? I mean, you can date whoever you want."

He didn't know if it was just because they were no longer together, but Todd looked exceptionally good. It took all the strength not to beg for forgiveness right there, kiss Todd for the whole world to see or rip his dark blue jeans off. JD was almost lost in the vision when Sam interrupted him, reaching out for Todd.

"Hey is that Sammy? I've heard so much about him. How cute is he!" Alicia leaned down and grabbed the child's hand, trying to change the subject.

Sam turned to the woman grabbing his hand. Then he looked back at Todd, who JD could tell wanted to hold Sam but was stubbornly trying to be apathetic. A rejected look came to the child's face. JD rubbed Sam's back, hoping that he wouldn't throw a fit. Todd put his hands on his hips impatiently, but JD could spot the regret on his face. The tot let out a noise which could only be described as a form of baby growl and pulled his hand from Alicia.

"Looks like someone is grumpy." JD commented, still hoping that Sam wouldn't take the lack of attention from Todd too personally.

"Well we're off to get on with our date. Bye JD, bye Sammy." Todd seemed more than desperate to leave.

"See you later." Alicia waved to them. "Nice matching hats by the way."

Sam stared after Todd, who offered a brief glance back at the father and son before disappearing behind a corner. Sam started letting out little wails. He then alternated his gaze between the direction and his dad. His eyes were asking the question of why it all happened.

JD cuddled Sam to him. "I know, Sammy. But Todd doesn't want to see Daddy anymore and since Alicia is a boyfriend-stealing bitch who says yes to everyone, he moved on a lot faster than originally anticipated." He soothed Sam until the little tantrum subsided.

Sighing, JD tried to let the moment go. He even figured out a way to cheer him and Sam up.

"How about we go through the shark tunnel again? Yes, I think that's a good idea too."

* * *

JD sat on his couch, staring at the box with a few of Todd's belongings in it. The moment he'd arrived home he figured it was best to attempt putting things in. It was a slow and hard process. But the box gradually began to fill with pictures, clothes, CDs and various sexual items.

Sam crawled around the floor, playing with the squishy green football and the yellow toy cat that JD desperately wanted to take away from him. But he knew the consequences of that and felt no need to punish Sam for his own mistakes.

Once again the Journey CD was playing softly through the speakers. The image of Todd at the aquarium earlier that day came back to him. JD tried to shake it from his mind, but the surgeon just looked so good.

Feeling Sam tapping his leg, JD looked down and smiled. He picked the child up and sat him on the couch. Of course Sam wouldn't part with the cat toy, gripping it tightly in his hand.

"At least you love me right Sammy; even though you have to go back with Kim in two days." JD pressed a little kiss to his son's forehead.

JD heard a key turn in his door's lock. Without having to see, he knew it was Turk coming to hang out after work. JD quickly switched off the Journey CD, trying to play that he wasn't missing Todd as much as he was.

"Hey, how was the aquarium?" Turk opened the door, letting himself in.

"It was great. It's always great. Sam loved it." JD replied, quickly eyeing the box of Todd's things.

"Packing up Todd's stuff huh?" Turk caught sight of the box, in particular the kitchen tool sticking out. "Why is there a whisk in here?"

"Todd used to like making omelettes or pancakes in the morning. They were always nice and fluffy." JD's eyes glassed over before he took a deep breath and managed a confident face. "That's why I'm packing up everything that reminds me of him, just like he did with me. J-Dizzle is moving on."

A curious Turk couldn't help but rifle through the box. "How many tubes of lube do one couple need?"

"All the flavours smelled nice and fruity." JD explained, looking at a box of paints that Turk pulled out. "Oh the erotic body paint set."

Turk dropped the paints like they were contagious. "Okay, so I'm just going to not touch anything in here anymore."

JD inspected the box. "I think that's nearly everything, except those photo booth pictures. But I look so good in those. I can keep them right?"

"JD." Turk said simply, giving his best friend a look which implied the answer.

"Okay, I'll give them back. But since he gave me a few pictures back, I'll still have some. Ha! I just loop-holed your ass!"

Turk motioned to Sam, sitting on the couch with the yellow cat toy. "Why aren't you putting that in the box?"

"I bought that for Sammy." JD lied, figuring that his best friend wouldn't know and he'd get to keep one Todd reminder.

"JD I was at the arcade when Todd won that to give to you."

"Damn Todd and his skill crane awesomeness!" JD cried out. He sighed before taking a seat on his couch. "Okay, I'm not as over him as I thought."

"I know you're not." Turk moved the box and took a seat in its place. "Just because he had a date doesn't mean he's over you."

"I saw him today. He and Alicia were at the aquarium." JD bit his lip, inhaling a few deep breaths through his nose.

"Alicia? As in Nurse Alicia? That's messed up, I'm sorry buddy." Turk patted JD on the shoulder.

JD gathered Sam onto his lap, trying to distract him some part from the conversation. "They looked kind of cosy. I don't know. But I think we're really over." He put Sam on the floor and stormed off to his room.

"Dude, are you okay?" Turk cried after him, switching his gaze between the kid on the floor and the door to JD's room.

JD came out with a jacket. He dumped it in the box and ran his fingers through his hair. His frustration was visible and as a result Turk backed away slightly.

"Who does she think she is anyway? Can't she see that we could have worked things out?" JD looked at Turk with wide eyes, desperate for an explanation.

"She says yes to everyone that asks her out. Sometime next week she'll have a new date and you and Todd can talk once he's blown off some steam."

JD heard the answer, but wasn't really listening to it. "Nurse _Alicia_. What is she, Madonna? No last name for me because I can just take your man."

"Her last name is Soprano, but she got sick of all the mafia jokes." Turk explained, standing up and opening his arms to coax JD into a hug. "Now come here."

"I just miss him." JD stepped into Turk's hug, returning it and appreciating the comfort. "Now he's lovin', touchin', squeezin' someone else."

"You've got to lay off the Journey."

"I can't help it. Todd and I used to listen to them together." JD flopped back down on the couch and fingered the sleeve of Todd's leather jacket that lay on top of the box.

"I can't let you sit here and do this to yourself anymore. JD, you either have to go talk to him about all this or you pack up everything that reminds you of him and move on." Turk stated quite firmly.

JD thought about it for a little while. He did want to go and talk it out with Todd, sort things out and hopefully get back together. However, the fear in his mind convinced him that Todd was over him and that moving on was the only option. The two friends sat in silence while JD tried to work it out.

Turk looked at his watch. "If you want to go talk to him, now would be a good time because if memory serves me correctly Alicia is working tonight."

JD's mind lit up. Todd would definitely be alone in his apartment. But once again the fear gripped him and the glimmer of hope faded.

"What if he really has moved on from me?" JD asked. "I don't want to go over there looking like an idiot."

Sam walked over from the corner of the room to the couch. In his hand he held a piece of cloth. He waved it around to get his dad's attention.

JD took the cloth in curiosity, realizing what it was. He smiled at the flame covered surgical hat. "It's one of Todd's favourite doo-rags."

"Even your kid can tell that you miss him." Turk picked up Sam, holding him in front on his face and making a baby voice. "JD, go see The Todd and make up already then on the way home get Turk a bacon cheeseburger."

"Fine! I'll go, as long as you're cool to watch Sam while I'm gone."

"No sweat buddy, we're going to have an awesome time aren't we? Now let's see what's on TV."

JD picked up the box of Todd's stuff, figuring that he had most of it. He couldn't believe all the memories it held. Quietly to himself, he whispered an affirmation in hope that things would work out.

"Why you taking Todd's stuff? I thought you were going to work things out." Turk raised an inquisitive eyebrow at the box.

"This way, if Todd truly has moved on then I don't look like the idiot still hanging on. But if Todd doesn't take his stuff back it leaves us free and open to talk and resume our love. Take that Alicia Soprano!" JD managed a small smile, figuring he had somewhat of a full-proof plan. Then a random thought occurred to him. "Do you think she has any, you know, connections?"

"JD, she's actually really nice. Don't forget, you're the one who made out with another dude."

"You're never going to let that go are you?" JD asked his friend, though he knew the answer.

"Doctor Cox! Man, can you blame me?" Turk replied, holding Sam on his knee and facing the television. "Now stop stalling and get your vanilla butt out of here."

* * *

JD didn't know for how long he stood in front of Todd's door, pacing back and forth trying to figure out what to say. His heart was pounding fast with anxious anticipation.

Putting the box on the floor, he picked up the jacket sitting on top. It was still warm, almost as though Todd had just been wearing it; just like it felt when Todd would wrap it around JD when he was cold.

"Just in case." JD muttered to himself, taking one last smell of the jacket and making sure the scent of Todd's cologne and natural musk stayed with him for awhile.

Straightening himself out, JD finally knocked on the door to Todd's apartment. He waited a few moments with no answer, but he could hear movement around inside. Knocking a little louder this time, JD picked up the box and waited.

The few seconds that passed felt like an eternity. JD could hear his own heart pounding in his ears. Still, it couldn't drown out the footsteps that were getting closer to the door yet weren't fast enough. Finally the latch clicked and the door began to open.

JD managed a small smile, to try and compose himself. However any form of confidence was quickly drained when he looked at who answered the door. Alicia stood in front of him, donned in one of Todd's sleeveless T-shirts over the skirt she'd been wearing earlier.

"You're here" was all JD could manage to say; the words coming out in a quivering whisper.

It wasn't just the fact that she was there, but everything that came with it. JD could only imagine that the date went so well, Todd took her for a walk before a romantic dinner. The rest was clear and painted a picture JD didn't want to see in a hurry.

"Look, I'm sorry JD but this is not a good time." Alicia seemed a little conflicted.

JD held the box out to her. "I just bought back some of Todd's things. I figured he'd want them back. Now that it looks like he's clearly over me."

Alicia seemed reluctant to take the box, her eyes pleading. "Don't do this right now. Just wait a day or something. Please."

Finally his emotions overruled him and JD snapped. "Who the heck are you to tell me what to do? You go around just putting it out there for everyone to see."

Alicia was shocked at what JD was implying. "It's not what you think! You and Todd can still work things out and believe me I won't stand in your way."

"I made a mistake! I know I fucked up royally but I really thought we could work things out. Todd is the best thing that ever happened to me and yeah it may sound a little arrogant but I know I'm good for him!" JD snapped at the woman, glaring at her accusingly. "Then you had to go and accept a date knowing full well that you're just a rebound. Just take this stuff." JD threw the box to the ground and stormed away.

Alicia called after him, clearly angry with all happening around her. "Seriously JD, just stop! I understand you're pissed, but if you just stop and listen."

Watching JD walk away, the woman put her head in her hands. If only JD knew the truth. Slowly making her way back to Todd's place, she noticed the stuff on the ground. She gathered the box and took it inside before shutting the door behind her.

Hearing Todd in the bathroom, Alicia knew that the last thing the surgeon needed to see was that JD had returned a box of stuff, even if he had done the same thing days before. Looking around the apartment, she tried to spy a place to hide the box.

Walking over to the couch, she moved it slightly and wedged the box between the side of the couch and the wall. Strategically placing a lamp so that the stuff was mostly hidden from view, Alicia sighed. She knew Todd would find it eventually, just as long as he didn't right then.

* * *

**NOTE: **Awkward! If only JD knew the truth, but what is that exactly? Continue to predict and guess my readers, or wait about a week or two for the next chapter :-D Come to think of it, I think I've only got about five chapters left to write. So on that note, you can expect a few happenings in the next instalments. In the meantime, you can review ;-)


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

_It was the last hole, a complicated one to say the least. However, Todd somehow found a way to blitz it and get a hole in one. JD was sure he could make it, even though Todd had clearly won the round by this point. _

"_How about you skip the last hole and we can go make out behind that cave over there." Todd pointed towards one of the miniature golf obstacles nearby._

_JD shook his head, determined to look somewhat decent to his boyfriend. "I'm going to make this shot, Todd." _

_Todd cuddled JD from behind, chuckling. "If you get a hole in one, The Todd will buy you cheese fries and feed them to you."_

"_Mmm cheese fries." JD shrugged Todd off him so he could try and make the shot. _

_JD lined it up perfectly, even going as far as to check wind direction. He eyed the obstacle, glaring at it. In his determination, JD finally putted the ball only to have it hit a wall and sail back towards him._

"_So maybe I owe you some cheese fries then." JD sighed as he looked down at the ball. He went to putt it again but Todd picked it up. "Hey, put that back."_

"_I can't wait any longer." Todd pulled JD close and kissed him passionately at the start of the eighteenth hole. Holding the other man right up against his body, making sure the whole world knew they were together._

"_Wow." JD grinned back at his relatively new boyfriend. "I guess for that I can make an exception."_

"_Hey are you two butt pirates going to move it or what?" A little boy shouted out, clearly waiting to do the hole._

_JD turned to the kid. "Santa's a drunk!" Looking back at Todd, he took the yellow ball and put it in his pocket. "Now how about those cheese fries?"_

"JD!" Elliot waved a hand in front of his face. "You were out for a long one that time. What's with the ball?"

JD stared down at the little yellow golf ball he'd absentmindedly been playing with while sitting at the table at Coffeebucks. "Just something I forgot to give back to Todd. Well, technically to Pete's Miniature Golf but still..."

"So you're really giving Todd back all his stuff? Why?" Elliot sipped her coffee, waiting for an answer.

The answer came the moment Carla joined their table, Turk at her side. "Because Todd slept with Alicia."

JD turned to Turk. "You told her?"

Carla rolled her eyes. "Please Bambi, the whole hospital knows."

"I suppose it's been a couple of days." JD continued playing with the golf ball.

"Dude, you went to Pete's Miniature Golf without me?" Turk eyed the ball and then his friend.

"It's from the third date Todd and I went on. We didn't quite get through the last hole. He got a hole in one, so I bought him cheese fries." JD saw his friends looking at him sympathetically, so he tried to pretend he didn't care. "Guess it doesn't matter now, that's why I'm getting rid of it."

"JD, are you sure you're okay?" Carla patted his hand.

"Yeah. I mean, it's not like I have any choice but to be." JD rolled the ball so it fell off the table and disappeared.

"I can't believe Todd slept with Alicia. How could he do that to you?" Elliot started before rationalising everything. "Then again, you did kiss Doctor Cox; and Alicia is pretty nice looking; and Todd is kind of a pervert."

"Thank you Elliot, that's very helpful." Turk replied sarcastically to quieten her.

"What I don't believe is what Perry did to you." Carla glared at the doorway where the chief had just entered. "Just say the word and I'll kick his ass for you."

"I think Todd already did that for him." Elliot replied. "Though his lip has healed and he's not limping as much anymore."

JD watched Perry briefly. He couldn't help but wonder about what the older man had said the week before. People kept reminding JD that he had kissed Perry back after all. A part of him was curious about how things could be now that nothing was truly standing in their way.

He tried to fight against them and figured it was just the loneliness now that Sam had gone back to Kim's but the thoughts kept invading JD's mind. Todd was gone and Perry seemed really intent to change. Plus when Perry had said those three words in the park, JD couldn't deny that something happened inside of him.

Turk effectively pulled JD from those thoughts, holding back Carla who looked ready to storm over and throttle Perry. "Baby, forget about Cox. He's a jerk and an asshole."

"Can we please talk about something else for a change?" JD tried to think of an appropriate distraction. "Elliot, how about you tell us how things are going between you and what's his name."

"Oh, Thomas!" Elliot started, almost excited that the conversation was on her. "Well we've only been going out for ten days now but we've already had five dates…"

"And you slept with him after the second one." Carla predicted, or rather knew.

JD tried to listen to the conversation around him, but it all just became white noise. Soon enough his mind was back at the miniature golf course, eating cheese fries. Happier times. Why did they have to end?

JD stood up from the table. "I have to go somewhere."

He knew that Todd would likely be finished his scheduled surgery, or close enough. It was the perfect time to talk. JD realised that even if they couldn't be together romantically, there was no reason they couldn't be friends. He wanted the surgeon in his life somehow, even if it meant letting him go.

JD took the elevator to the respective floor and headed towards the O.R where he knew Todd was. He peeked through the little window briefly, to find the surgical team coming out. Ducking behind a wall so he wouldn't be seen, JD watched them all and hoped he could get Todd alone.

Todd took off his bloodied robe and gloves, stretching briefly. The surgical team was congratulating each other on a job well done. JD continued to keep out of view as other members of the surgical team left. Soon enough it was just Todd alone washing his hands.

He had barely spoken to the surgeon since their break up. After seeing Todd with Alicia, JD had been especially avoidant. He tried to think of the perfect way to approach the other man with an offer of friendship.

"So another successful stat for The Todd." JD walked to the sink, trying to smile and look confident. He held up his hand in order to relate to Todd. "Surgery five."

Todd continued washing his hands, though he was tempted to take the high five. "What do you want JD?"

JD sighed, not realising before how unprepared he was for the conversation. "Look, I know that you and Alicia hooked up last week. You clearly want to date other people and that's cool, I mean we're not seeing each other, right."

Todd gripped the edge of the sink, staring down at his hands and still yet to look at JD. Not because he didn't want to, but because he knew what would happen if their eyes met. "What's your point?"

"I know I hurt you and I'm sorry, more than I can ever imagine. I'm really sorry." JD touched Todd's shoulder to emphasise his guilt.

"The Todd heard all your messages." Todd replied bluntly, trying not to reveal how he was really feeling inside; how he felt gutted whenever JD was near him. He turned to JD with his hands on his hips, finally meeting his eyes and remembering why he tried not to in the first place.

JD forgot how it felt to stare into Todd's eyes. He missed it so much. Shaking off the thoughts, he tried to make his point. "I want us to try and be friends. I mean, we spent all this really awesome time together and now we barely look at each other."

"It was fun JD, but it's over. The Todd has to move on."

"I know you do and I understand that you're probably still mad." JD hated admitting that out loud. The stab in his chest cemented that fact. "But we had fun and I was just thinking that instead of all this awkwardness between us, we could try and be friends."

"It's hard to look at you without thinking about how we doinked." Todd admitted, looking JD up and down but then remembering he shouldn't be. "Not to mention that you and Doctor Cox did the nasty."

"Okay." JD fiddled with the drawstring of his scrubs pants due to nervousness. "I just want to see you. I don't want you completely out of my life, Todd."

"I'm not out of your life. We're talking right now aren't we?" Todd motioned back and forth between them.

"Yeah this is okay, but more and better." JD reached out for Todd's hand but then backed out at the last second and crammed his hands in his pockets. "I really meant it when I said you were good to me. Even if we're not together, I want that to continue."

All that he got in reply was silence. Todd didn't know what to say, so he just sighed and turned back to the sink. "I don't know, JD. Maybe later."

"What do you mean you don't know?" JD actually grabbed Todd's hand this time. "Don't know about what exactly?"

Todd faced JD once again. Their hands still clasped between them. Looking into Todd's eyes provided JD with an answer. JD squeezed Todd's hand in understanding, hoping more than anything that the surgeon would squeeze back.

"You're not over me are you?" JD asked quietly, looking down at the conjoined hands.

Todd pulled back, looking at JD accusingly. "Uncool."

Realising that he wasn't going to get through to Todd, JD shrugged it all off with a small laugh. "Just forget I said anything."

As JD walked away, Todd felt a pang of regret. He stepped into the hallway and continued to watch JD leave. He fought the urge to chase after the medical doctor with everything he had. Todd's pride convinced him it was the right decision to stay put.

JD was glad to be in the solitude of the elevator after that conversation. He took a deep breath and attempted to clear all his emotions. Forcing the fakest yet widest of smiles he could muster he waited for his floor and pretended he wasn't half as hurt as he felt.

However, two floors above his destination, the elevator stopped. Perry stepped in the moment the doors opened, not noticing JD was his elevator companion until he looked up from the file notes he was reading. The two stared at each other and JD's plastic smile couldn't hold no matter how much he willed it.

"Mind telling me what's wrong today?" Perry asked, his eyes showing a genuine concern and interest.

"None of your business." JD snapped, feeling that the elevator journey was taking too long. Perry was the last person he wanted to be alone with.

"I heard about what happened with cabana boy and Alicia. Tough break."

"Shut up! Okay, so I screwed up my relationship like I always do. It doesn't mean I'm coming back to you. Now if you'll excuse me." JD stepped towards the door as the elevator stopped on his floor.

Perry grabbed JD's shoulder, spinning the younger man to him. "Listen, you can think what you want about me. God knows I probably deserve it after everything that's happened. But I'll tell you, if Todd isn't rushing at the chance to get back together with you, then he's an even bigger idiot than I thought he was."

JD didn't know why he listened, but he did. When Perry let go of him, he slowly stepped back and made his way out the now open doors. He continued staring into Perry's eyes, much like he used to, until the elevator doors shut once again.

* * *

Perry sat on his couch, drinking scotch as was the custom during blue periods. He had allowed Jack to stay at a friend's place so he could quietly reflect and stew in his own thoughts, effectively wallowing in self-pity but convincing himself he was not.

It had been a few days since he'd heard through the grapevine about Todd and Alicia's date. He kind of liked that it really blew JD's chances with Todd out of the water. But at the same time, he could tell it made JD miserable. Still, he was fuelled with hope especially after the afternoon's elevator incident.

A knock sounded at his door, interrupting his contemplation. He went up to answer it, wondering who it could be. A part of him thought for a moment that it could be JD, but it sounded too ludicrous.

However, on opening the door he was greeted to a surprise. Before Perry could barely register who it was, JD was inside his apartment. The younger man seemed lost as to why he was there and Perry was just as confused.

They stood in silence for a few moments, taking in each other. JD opened his mouth to speak, but only a breath came out. He linked his hands behind his head, trying to find the words.

Perry swiped his nose and folded his arms. He tried to go on the defensive and block out the part of him that wanted to tackle JD to the floor and kiss him all over. Impatient comments flickered through his mind and he was more than tempted to verbalise them. But he remained in control as to not lose this potential chance.

"I have no idea why I'm here." JD finally spoke.

JD walked over to the couch, looking to sit down but then deciding against it. Instead he paced the floor behind the couch, trying to find the next words to say. Perry merely stood watching him, wanting to speak up but still patiently waiting.

"I mean, you were right about Todd. Clearly he's over me and he slept with Alicia to prove it." JD stated, looking through Perry's liquor selection to see if there was anything he could find remotely drinkable. "Or maybe he's not actually over me, but he won't admit that anytime soon."

"Despite what you may think, a part of me didn't want to be right about it." Perry walked over to his couch, motioning the spot beside him. "Sit down."

"Oh you'd like that wouldn't you? You'd like me to just come waltzing straight back into your arms." JD snapped, waving a finger. "Not this time Perry, no way."

Perry knew that JD was in one of his personal debating moods. He'd seen it in his Newbie over the years. Two parts of his brain were at war, each desperate to prove they were right. JD would take all the sides into account, ultimately confusing himself.

"So then enlighten me JD, why are you here?"

"Because you were right!" JD exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air as a sign of frustration. "Everyone else said that Todd and I had a chance to get back together, but not you. You could see the truth and you told me point blank."

Perry couldn't admit that he actually believed that JD and Todd really would get back together. Saying what he did was only to manipulate the situation his way. But he wasn't about to blurt that out to his ex-lover.

"Then I thought about it. What you said…" JD started, his breathing becoming heavy as he flopped down on the couch.

"About what exactly?" Perry asked, scooting ever so closer to JD and turning towards him.

"I kissed you back." JD replied in somewhat of a whisper. "If I really loved Todd I wouldn't have kissed you back."

"You said that you weren't in love with him." Perry remembered the conversation at the hospital picnic. He ran it so many times in his head that it was practically etched word for word in his mind.

"I thought I was." JD explained, managing a small chuckle. "Guess I was just so desperate to get over you, but I couldn't."

"What are you saying?" Perry had a feeling about what JD was implying, indifferent about his reaction to it.

"You promised you wouldn't hurt me again. But then again you have broken that promise before." JD stood up and went back to Perry's liquor. He poured himself a shot of vodka, staring at it.

"Did you actually have anything decisive to say or are you just here to steal my booze? Five bucks says you won't take that shot. You hate shots."

JD pointed at his ex. "See right there. You're an asshole and you don't know me as well as you think." Picking up the little shot glass he'd prepared, JD downed it. Straight after swallowing he began coughing. "Okay, straight anything is awful."

"As much as I love to prove myself right, I would like to know if this conversation actually has a purpose." Perry scolded his mind for being so harsh, but he was too anxious to wait any longer. He had to know where it all was heading. This debating was too much of a tease.

JD sat back down on the couch. He sighed and put his head in his hands for a brief moment. Perry reached over and rubbed his back. He pretended it was JD's naked skin beneath his fingers as he soothed the younger man.

Finally JD spoke. "You told me you loved me."

Perry ran his hand up to JD's neck, playing with some strands of hair. "I meant it you know."

"You know, we never had any real closure. I guess I'm thinking that maybe with all this stuff out of the way we could actually have a legitimate chance for a relationship. I mean, everything seems to be lining up for us. Things might actually work this time, I don't know. It's seems that way, right?"

Perry couldn't believe his ears. It was everything he wanted. JD was coming back to him and seemingly offering another chance for him to prove himself. Perry's mind roared in approval, like his own private cheer squad.

But it all came to a screeching halt when he took in how JD was sitting. The younger man wasn't looking at him, but staring at his hands. There wasn't the love and passion in his eyes like there used to be all those months ago. His posture seemed nervous and his shoulders were slumped as though he'd given up.

"You don't really want to get back together with me, do you?"

JD turned to him, his eyes glassed over. "I don't know. It all seems right and if things can be different I can't see why not. We've been through so much together over the years…but I can't forget about what you did to me. You really hurt me Perry, yet I still kissed you for some reason."

Perry tried to stop the words, but the rant came out of his mouth regardless. "Jesus JD, don't do this! Not just because you don't want to but do you re-he-he-healy think I want to get back together when you can't even look at me. I get it, everything is wrapped up in the package that makes this thing between us seem like a swell idea but you know what JD, I'm not going for it. Not because I don't want to tear off those sexy navy scrubs you have on, throw you on the ground and just have some hot pig sex with you right here. Believe me, I am so in love with you I can't even think straight but you- you're still so-ho-ho-ho in love with Todd that it's insulting that you even came to me."

JD scoffed, almost mad at the accusation. "Fine, just forget it." He stood up and stormed towards the door.

Perry sprung up and followed after JD. He caught the doe-eyed brunette just as he'd opened the door. Perry relished the feel of JD's hand clasped in his for a few seconds.

"Fine, JD. Look at me." Perry swiftly cupped JD's face and made their eyes meet. "Now, tell me that you love me."

"What?" JD seemed confused.

"Look me right here in the eyes and tell me that you're over Todd. And I mean really over him, not just wanting a revenge lay, not just to cure some loneliness and not because you want closure on what we had." Perry looked hopefully back into JD's blue-green orbs, so powerful that he wanted to melt right there. He silently pleaded for JD to say the words back. "Tell me that you love me as easy as you told me you didn't."

JD pulled back, realising that he couldn't say the words. "I told you I didn't know why I came here."

"Listen, if you can tell me that you're honestly with me, faults and all, one hundred percent I'll give this a shot. Believe me, I am done hurting you; there is nothing left for me to hurt you over. But JD, I'm not going to wait forever so think before you come back here."

JD felt so ignorant. He wanted to hide at his mistake. Turning to walk away, he swallowed the lump caught in his throat.

Perry shut the door, cursing himself for sending JD away. He knew it was the right thing to do, but that just made it worse. As he looked around his empty apartment he whispered to the air "I love you JD."

* * *

TBC


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

Todd finished a surgical consultation and was chilling out by the nurse's station, waiting for something to do. As he sipped a coffee his eyes took in everyone walking by him. He hoped to catch a glimpse of JD, just a little peek to tie him over for the day, but was yet to see him.

Alicia suddenly appeared at Todd's side, looking annoyed. "Okay you've got to stop telling people that we slept together."

"I didn't tell anyone." Todd told her, which was true but he admittedly had done nothing to stop it.

"Whether you did or you didn't, people have the idea and I'm wondering why." Alicia stood her ground, but some of her sweet demeanour was poking through. She was trying to be nice, as she knew Todd was heartbroken, but didn't want to be viewed in a bad way.

"Don't look at The Todd. People make assumptions around here all the time."

"Look, I went out with you so you could make JD jealous and because I thought you might actually need a friend to lean on." Alicia confessed, shaking her head at the mistake. "But I'm not going to be some locker room joke because you can't tell JD how you really feel."

"Dude, I'm totally over JD." Todd lied, squeezing his coffee cup a little too hard.

"If you're not going to be honest with me, at least be with yourself." Alicia told the surgeon. "What he did to you sucks, but when you lie to people then you're no better."

"Relax. It's all cool." Todd smiled at her, clearly not grasping the earnestness of Alicia's tone. "Besides we had fun on our date."

Alicia grabbed the front of his green scrubs, anger taking over. "Not only did you spend half our date talking about JD, you took me to a bar where you drank yourself into a stupor; over JD! Then to top it all off, you got so damn sick that you puked on me."

"That was totally an accident, I apologised for that."

Alicia let go of him, shoving him back from her. "I stayed with you that night because you needed help and I actually thought you were decent. I didn't want you to really hurt yourself. But I'm done Todd. The truth comes out, now!"

"Can't you just keep the rumour going?" Todd pleaded, catching her arm before she could storm off.

"By the way, if you haven't already found it, JD left a box of stuff for you that night. I hid it to spare your feelings. Not only that I took a yelling from him too. Todd, he still loves you and if you're too much of an arrogant prick to believe that then maybe JD is better off without you." Alicia slapped Todd across the face, hard enough so that it drew attention from those nearby. "I know you're better than this. JD knows you're better than this. Get your shit together."

The arguing pair was oblivious to Carla and Turk standing nearby. The Latina nurse and her husband heard every word of their conversation. Before Turk could stop her, Carla was chasing after Alicia. She decided to get some confirmation before getting JD's hopes up. Turk slowly followed behind.

"Alicia wait!" Carla caught the other woman at the elevator. "So you never slept with The Todd?"

"Of course not! Just because I like to give people a chance on dates, doesn't mean I sleep around. I have some pride you know. Besides, Todd's so in love with JD that he probably couldn't even get it up for anyone else. Not to mention he drank enough to kill a horse." Alicia explained, stepping into the elevator. It was clear she wanted to avoid the subject altogether. She let out a long frustrated sigh. "You're good at telling people what to do so please get them back together."

Carla bit her lip, turning to Turk and feeling a little guilty at being a little snobby to Alicia over the days past. But that amends would have to wait as she had one heck of a tongue lashing to give Todd. Heading back to the nurse's station, she shot her evil eyes towards Todd but Turk held her arm back.

"Let me talk to him." Turk kissed Carla on the forehead and she patted his arm in reassurance.

Turk walked over to Todd, grabbing his arm and leading him off. Todd raised a curious eyebrow, but continued to follow Turk without comment. They kept walking until they ended up in an empty patient room.

Turk shut the door. "So, I just heard your conversation."

"What conversation?" Todd shrugged.

"Alicia seems pretty pissed off, Todd." Turk shook his head.

"Oh, that conversation." Todd sighed and confessed to his fellow surgeon. "Okay, so The Todd never slept with Alicia."

"So why are you letting people think that you did? To make JD jealous?" Turk asked with a serious tone in his voice.

"To let JD know that I'm over him."

Turk scoffed. "Todd, how long have we been friends? Eight, nearly nine years. You think I can't see that you're far from over him. You're a loyal buddy and all, but you wouldn't have fought Doctor Cox like you did for just anyone. You risked getting fired man."

"Look, JD is clearly over me, so I had to make it look like The Todd was over him too." Todd explained, shuffling his foot slightly.

Turk slapped a hand onto Todd's shoulder. "Todd, JD's not over you man. He thinks about you a lot, even when he thinks we don't notice. I don't think he's ever felt this way about anyone."

"But he kissed Doctor Cox." Todd pointed out that fact, feeling a little sad at remembering the pictures he spotted. "He wouldn't do that if he truly loved me."

"He made a mistake, Todd and while I don't condone what he did, I can tell he's truly sorry for it! Heck we all screw up sometimes, especially a commitment phobic, self-saboteur like JD. Welcome to an adult relationship." Turk turned to his friend throwing his arms up in the air to emphasise his point. "What would have happened if I dumped Carla for every mistake? We wouldn't have lasted and we would have never had Izzy."

"But he gave back my stuff." Todd explained.

"Only because you gave back a box of his stuff first." Turk was surprised at how quick the rather slow Todd was coming up with reasons not to be with JD. But he wasn't prepared to give up. "You have to start cutting JD some slack. Anyone in this hospital can see you're better off together."

"He told me that he just wants to be friends." Todd told Turk, recalling his conversation with JD by the sinks.

"I'm just going to tell you this. JD wants you back but he won't wait forever. He gave up a chance with Doctor Cox, who he has been after for years god knows why, because you guys had a good thing going. So maybe he faltered for a second, but he wants to be with you." Turk patted Todd on the back. "I don't think you're stupid Todd. So I'm hoping you'll do what's right. I know that this stuff is scary, but you better do it soon, or you're going to lose him."

As Turk left, Todd tried to make sense of all that was said. It seemed so simple, but the whole situation was complicated at the same time. He stepped out into the hallway, hands on hips, still trying to figure everything out.

He walked along, greeting those he passed and trying to remain content. However he came to a halt when he spotted JD. His ex-lover was talking with Perry about something. Todd was too far away to hear it was just medical talk regarding a patient.

The surgeon stared for a few moments, fearing what Turk said about losing JD. He wanted to punch Doctor Cox right there, fight him all over again, but Todd knew it wasn't wise. He wanted JD to be happy more than he wanted his envy. If his happiness lay with Perry all these years, Todd figured it best to let it go.

Turning around, he just kept walking in the opposite direction, not knowing that a pair of blue-green eyes spotted him and watched him walk away.

* * *

Perry had stayed at work a little later that night. He knew JD was on call and was hoping to get the chance to talk with him about something other than patients. Catching the younger man completely alone had been a challenge on quite a busy day.

After checking the doctor's lounge and skimming patient's rooms, Perry knew his best bet was the on call room. He hoped that JD was in there alone, which was quite likely at this early time of the night.

He stepped in finding that just as he suspected JD was taking a brief nap between his shifts. For a moment, Perry admired him. It almost seemed a crime to wake JD up. Taking in the view from behind the younger man made Perry a little tempted to spoon him, despite his usual reluctance to do so.

"Hey, JD." Perry whispered, shaking the younger man's shoulder. "Come on, get up."

When he received no reaction or reply, Perry figured JD was sleeping peacefully. He decided against waking him up, hoping for another chance to talk privately.

"I had a dream." JD's voice suddenly sounded out.

A startled Perry turned around, staring back at the bottom bunk where JD lay. "What was that?"

"I had a really bad dream. We broke up and you were gone." JD's tired voice explained to Perry as he continued to face the wall.

"What in God's name are you talking about?" Perry was confused, but still he softened up gradually.

"It hurt so much."

"Okay, settle down." Perry sat down on the edge of the bed, still fighting off the urge to spoon the man who was no longer his to hold. "I'm right here, JD."

"Then I missed you." JD replied, sounding a little upset. "I missed you so much."

"You know… I miss you too." Perry choked up a little as his words came out. He finally gave in and lay next to JD, taking a smell of his coconut scented hair. "I'm sorry we broke up and I regret it every single day. What I did to you…I can understand if you don't trust me straight away."

"We are so good together. I don't want you to be gone forever." JD moved back slightly against Perry. "Hold me and don't let me go."

Perry spun JD around and cradled the other man's head to his chest. "We were good together weren't we? If you want, we could still be good together. Heck we could be even better because it's not just about sex." Perry's head began to fill with the possibility of actually being with JD. "Forget what I said the other night. Let's give this a shot. We can make it work, what do you say?"

"I want to be with you always." JD confessed softly, his head still buried in Perry's chest but his words clear. "I love you, Todd."

Perry was stunned at the last statement. It nauseated him a little. He pulled JD back to look in his face. "What did you say?" He noticed JD's closed eyes and the slightly open mouth, realising that their whole conversation consisted of one side being asleep.

JD was unaware of his surroundings and exactly who was with him and therefore continued his dream induced sleep talking. "Todd I don't want to be apart from you, ever. I want to be with you all the time."

Perry's depression gradually turned into slight rage. He gritted his teeth and fought the tears that assaulted his eyes. Even though he'd known it was true when he asked JD to leave his apartment two days prior, Perry hoped he was mistaken.

"Just us, together. The way it should be." JD smiled briefly before rolling over and curling up. Some light snoring came after.

Perry stood up and punched the wall angrily. Nursing his hand afterwards, his heavy breathing echoed through the room to prevent his screaming out loud. Perry took one last look at JD before opening the door; slamming it loud behind him.

* * *

If there was ever an excuse for Perry Cox to drink, this was it. He called the nanny, making sure she could stay with Jack for a little while. When he received the answer he wanted, Perry proceeded in driving towards the bar. The bar he hadn't visited since the night he'd ruined everything.

Merely looking at the establishment made Perry want to burn it down. Memories of him punching and kicking JD flowed back to him; a reminder of how when JD loved him, he responded by pushing him away.

He couldn't go in there, not after what had happened. The last thing he needed was another sign that JD didn't feel anything for him. At least he did until Perry had messed everything up.

So he drove around, looking for a new bar. A place to calm the rage within and help him forget all his troubles. Eventually, he parked the car near a place he figured would satisfy his appetite.

This particular bar was quite a mess, having a very seedy feel to it with poor lighting and unfortunate décor. Most people at the bar looked completely defeated, just as Perry felt in his own mind. Though there did appear to be one gathering of people half singing, half mumbling along with the jukebox; either enjoying themselves, or they'd fallen so far down they just didn't care anymore.

Grabbing a free stool at the bar, Perry ordered two scotches. He didn't want to wait between them. Once again, Perry took in his surroundings. It depressed him that the dark and dank bar felt like home.

"Fuck this." Perry slammed his fist on the bar and drank the scotch the moment it was put in front on him.

"Problems buddy?"

Perry glared at the source of interruption. Normally he would never engage in conversation with people during his drinking time. But for some reason, he could relate to this man with the clear 'down on his luck' attitude.

"Lost the...one I love." Perry figured this wasn't the best place to reveal his equal opportunity sexual preference. "To some meat-headed asswipe who gave me a busted lip."

"Tough break." The man moved to the stool closer to Perry.

"Then to top that all off, I lost the woman I live with. Will probably lose my kids as a result too." Perry couldn't help but laugh at himself, swigging the second scotch. "Can't say I didn't bring it all on myself though."

"Never play two women at once. They always find out. Then of course they take it all from you until you're left with nothing."

"I hear that." Perry sipped his drink once again, not bothering to correct the man. His gaze drifted to the crowd of people who seemed to be getting more wasted by the minute. "What's with the screw the world crew over there?"

"People who don't have the balls to admit they actually have problems. Not like you and me."

Perry stared at the small crowd of seemingly happy people. How he wished he could just pretend that he was happy; deny any feelings for JD and just figure that everything was okay. The last thing he wanted to think about was how he'd screwed things up.

Then suddenly he noticed one of the twelve, currently buying a round for the others. A drunk and confused man who wore a weak smile and apparently no cares. Perry gritted his teeth, hoping that his sight had fooled him. Unfortunately the fury he had began to quieten down rose up again.

Before he knew it, Perry was storming towards them. On closer inspection, he found that he was one hundred percent correct. By unfortunate coincidence, he'd ended up at the same bar as Todd.

Todd who JD was in love with. Todd who was throwing his chance to be with JD away. Todd who was making JD miserable because of his pride.

Perry watched the surgeon do a few shots of what appeared to be Jagermeister. Todd smiled in an attempt to pretend that he just didn't care. It shook Perry to the core. He grabbed Todd's arm and pulled him off the bar stool he was sitting, or rather balancing, on. On closer inspection, Perry realised Todd's state and a pang of concern flickered inside him.

Todd looked at Perry in confusion, wondering what had happened. He blinked a few times, managing to take in the form in front of him. It wasn't hard to see that The Todd had obviously had a few too many.

"Dude, what…" Todd leaned over slightly before grabbing onto a nearby stool to balance himself. He looked quite unwell and clearly drunk. "Why are you here?"

"You're completely wasted." Perry commented on the obvious, but was getting increasingly worried. He tried to convince himself that Todd was fine, but it was clear he wasn't. "How many drinks have you had?"

Todd didn't seem to register that Perry had asked him anything. Perry tried to steady the younger man in hopes of getting a straight answer, but Todd didn't even seem to realise he was there.

Perry turned to one of the group hanging out with Todd. "How much has he been drinking?"

"That guy." The man replied, clearly a little on the tipsy side as well. "He goes crazy. Drinking everything."

Perry rolled his eyes. "That's very helpful."

He turned back to Todd, who looked about ready to fall over. Perry was tempted to let him, but the doctor in him overruled any grudges. He steadied Todd, wrapping an arm around him. Slowly he led the intoxicated man outside.

"Dude, what's going on?" Todd slurred in his drunken stupor, falling to the ground the moment he got outside. "I'm fine…really."

"This behaviour barely works for college kids, definitely not for you." Perry begrudgingly helped Todd to his feet again. "Especially when JD is willing to give you a second chance."

"JD, where's JD?" Todd looked around, apparently an unwise move as his head began to spin. He grabbed onto Perry in a half hug to steady himself.

"At the hospital, where you would have ended up if you drank anymore." Perry eased Todd off, helping him stand to face him. "You have no idea how much I want to beat the hell out of you for being here when JD loves you. Do you want to know how it feels when he doesn't love you, Todd? Well you're about to find out if you keep going with all the crap."

Todd only heard half the speech. He couldn't hold it in anymore. Turning around and bending over, he threw up all over the ground. As a result, Todd looked even sicker than he had when Perry first spotted him in the bar.

"Jesus, Todd." Perry just managed to dodge being puked on, but was more frustrated than ever by Todd's behaviour because as far as Perry was concerned, Todd had no reason to drink like this. "You know I should just leave you here lying in your own vomit. It's tempting really."

Perry steadied Todd on his feet again. He gave up trying to talk to him as concern for exactly how much Todd drank became the main issue. Perry pinched Todd's bicep, waiting for a reaction; there was none. He tried it once more on Todd's arm, but again Todd didn't appear to feel the pinch.

"Todd we're getting you to a hospital, now." Perry was all doctor now. Whatever went on between them didn't matter.

"The Todd wants sleep. Can't move" Todd managed a few understandable words. "Where's JD? I love JD."

"And he loves you, which means he wouldn't want you dying from something stupid like this." Perry replied seriously, though through gritted teeth. "You're completely fucked up right now."

Todd didn't appear to hear Perry as he veered off to the side to throw up again. Perry grabbed the surgeon, knowing the sooner they got to Sacred Heart the better. Todd's weight became heavy on Perry's shoulders as they trudged towards the Porsche. Soon enough it was too much to bear. Todd collapsed onto the pavement. Perry preyed for the surgeon to be conscious, but as he attempted to rouse Todd from the passed out state, he knew it was a false hope.

Perry whipped out his cell phone and called an ambulance within seconds. He turned Todd on his side, making sure he didn't asphyxiate on vomit. Taking his jacket off, Perry wrapped it over Todd in an attempt to warm him up. Perry took note of Todd's slow breathing patterns, pressing his fingers against his wrist to feel the pulse rate.

"Come on, just hang in there." Perry looked up at the night sky, unable to believe what he was doing.

* * *

TBC


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

It was all a blur. From the moment Todd was loaded into the ambulance, with Perry insisting on riding with him, to that current moment walking through Sacred Heart. Perry kept going like he always did, treating it like any other patient. Requesting, more like ordering, for help with Todd's alcohol poisoning.

Though no matter how out of it he felt the irony wasn't lost on Perry. The week before he had crazed thoughts of Todd dying. During their fight, a part of his enraged self wanted to kill him. Now Perry wanted nothing more than for the other man to be alive.

Still, it didn't stop Perry being mad with Todd. It was too similar to his situation. Perry felt like he was watching his own mistake. For some reason, he felt the need to tell Todd of the consequences of throwing JD's love away. Perry couldn't fathom why, he guessed it was to relieve his guilt, but he couldn't allow Todd to reject JD's love like he had done.

The one thing that was positive in the whole situation was that JD was clearly busy with something else and therefore hadn't seen them. Perry didn't want to deal with him, having to explain the situation. He knew it would upset JD immensely, which meant his ex would be better off to be far away from it for the time being.

"Doctor Cox, what happened with Todd? What the hell did you do?" Turk, having seen the commotion from afar, questioned the medical doctor. Naturally he figured another brawl between the two had happened.

Perry glared back at Turk. "I did nothing. Your fellow surgeon nearly drank himself to death at a downtown bar."

Turk's look softened into worry. "Is he going to be okay?"

"Pretty bad case of alcohol poisoning. But the doctors are doing what they can. He's getting his stomach pumped as we speak." Perry suddenly remembered the reason behind it all. "Where's JD?"

"Seeing a patient I guess, why?"

Perry grabbed Turk's arm in absolute seriousness. "Do not, repeat do not tell him of this."

A shocked Turk shook his head in disbelief. "You don't want me to tell my best friend that the man he loves could have died tonight?"

"What do you think is going to happen when he sees Todd like that? The last thing I need is a hysterical Newbie who'll insist on helping but ultimately do more harm than good." Perry told Turk sternly. "Besides, why do you think Todd was hiding all this? He clearly doesn't want JD seeing him all messed up like that."

"He's going to find out eventually." Turk looked towards the room. "You really think JD won't find out Todd's in there."

Perry was about to answer, but paused when he noticed JD now standing behind Turk. He had heard what they were saying; his eyes open in confusion and mouth slightly agape.

"What are you talking about?" JD looked from his best friend to his ex lover. "What happened?"

"JD, come to the doctor's lounge. We'll talk about it there." Perry tried to catch JD's arm to guide him away.

"I think I'll handle this." Turk pushed Perry's arm back and wrapped an arm around JD. "Let's go get some coffee and allow the doctors to do their job."

JD shook Turk's arm off. "I am a doctor in case you've forgotten and if Todd's in there I want to do everything I can to help."

JD stormed towards the room where Turk had been staring Todd was being kept. He managed to catch a glimpse of everyone at work through the window. Finally his gaze fell to Todd passed out on the bed. Paralysis took over JD's body.

"Todd!" JD cried out, about to leap into action. However, something held him in place. No matter how much he struggled JD couldn't get into the room. "Let go of me. Let me help him."

"You and I both know that's not a good idea." Perry continued gripping JD, preventing him from entering the room. He cried out to a nurse inside. "Shut the door and pull the shades."

"Why won't you let me see him or help him?" JD continued to struggle against Perry. "You fucking asshole!"

Perry pulled JD into a hug. "I'm sorry, but I have to do this."

Turk stepped in. "Come on Doctor Cox, let him go now."

Perry tried to explain. "You know its best that you stay out here. I can't have you going in there like this. You'll do more harm than good." He let go of JD, allowing Turk to take him.

Turk tried his best to calm JD down. "It's alright. We'll see him later."

JD kept staring at Perry with tear-filled eyes. Suddenly, he let go of all control he had and took a swing at the chief's face. The fist collided with Perry's cheek.

"Fuck you Perry." JD whispered maliciously.

Perry held his cheek. Despite the fact that JD was hardly Mike Tyson when it came to a punch, it still hurt; emotionally more than physically. The only reason he helped Todd was because of JD, but JD didn't trust him enough to believe that. Even though Perry predicted that he would be blamed rather than praised, it still bothered him immensely.

It was only at that moment that everything finally hit Perry. It wasn't Todd that was the issue with him and JD. Whatever JD felt for the surgeon was irrelevant. No matter what Perry did to rectify himself, JD would never hold that trust for him again.

Even if Todd was out of the picture and they did get back together, Perry knew deep down that it would never be the same. JD would always wonder if Perry would break his promise and hurt him again. Perry would always be the guy that hurt JD and threw his love away like garbage, then out of his own pride and greed messed with JD's happiness.

Perry realised standing in the hallway near the ICU, the cold hard truth was that JD would never love him again.

* * *

JD sat at a table in the cafeteria, staring into his coffee. He'd barely touched the drink since Turk had bought it to him, preferring to swirl the contents around. It was surely cool by now.

"Do you want me to get you a hotter coffee? Or maybe a soda?" Turk asked, trying to cheer up JD or at the very least get him to speak.

"No, I'm okay. I just want to sit here for awhile." JD pushed the cup to the side, fidgeting with his hands.

"You know I'm here for you buddy, right?"

"What's taking everyone so long? How long does it take to set up help for a simple case of alcohol poisoning? It happens all the time, what's going on?" JD ran his fingers through his hair, staring down at the table. "I just want to know how he is."

"I know you do; so do I." Turk replied, finishing off his own coffee.

Perry walked into the cafeteria, reluctant to head towards the two best friends. Hands in the pockets of his white coat and blood shot eyes saw him in pretty bad shape. He slowly made his way over to the table.

Turk stood up protectively. "Unless you have some news on Todd, get lost."

"I have to talk to JD." Perry looked down at the brunette still sitting down rather than the bald man in front of him. "Please, it's important."

"What the hell makes you think he wants to talk to you?" Turk made a move to shove Perry.

JD held up his hand to stop them. "It's okay Turk."

Turk decided to leave the two alone, but before he did he whispered to Perry. "If you hurt one inch of him, I will kill you. Understand?"

"Noted." Perry stated to get Turk to go away. He sat down at the table, opposite JD so he could get a good look at him. "How are you holding up?"

"I've been better." JD replied somewhat sarcastically.

"I'm sorry I couldn't let you see him. You understand why. Hell you've been through it plenty of times. The last thing you want is hysterical loved ones in the room when you're trying to work." Perry reached over and petted JD's arm in comfort. "You're a good doctor, but we both know you wouldn't have been on your game seeing Todd like that. Heck, I can barely stand him and seeing him like that disturbed me for a second."

"Thanks for helping him. I'm sorry I punched you." JD looked up at Perry, genuinely apologetic. "I'm just out of my mind."

"It's only natural when you love someone." Perry pulled his hand away from JD, unable to touch him anymore.

"I really do." JD blinked back a few emotional tears.

"As for punching me, that's just the way things are now." Perry sighed, swallowing the lump in his throat. "You don't trust me."

"Yes I do." JD replied too quickly, almost defensively.

"Maybe with patients and when you have to but other than that, you don't."

JD didn't want to admit that it was true, but it was. Their relationship had gone up and down until it finally crashed. The younger man didn't want to admit that he thought of his once love so negatively, but he did.

"You came to my place the other day and said you wanted closure with us." Perry reminded JD, staring seriously at him. "Remember?"

"Yeah." JD flashed back to that night.

"Well let me give you the facts JD. You don't love me." Perry hated admitting it aloud, as though it somehow made the truth even more real. "You wanted to love me because everything seemed to be falling into place. Heck you probably took it all as a sign. As much as I hate to believe in that stuff I found myself thinking the same. But no matter how logical it seems for us to be together, you're in love with Todd. You said it yourself, you'd rather wait for a chance that never comes with him than be with me again."

JD sighed at knowing it was all true. "Then why did I kiss you?"

Perry moved his chair closer to JD. He leaned over so that his face was close enough. "Kiss me now."

"What?" JD replied with confusion.

"Do you want to kiss me now? Would you let me kiss you?" Perry reached out a hand slowly, brushing JD's cheek.

JD couldn't believe the nerve of the chief. He batted the hand away and snapped. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Proving a point." Perry regretted having to prove it in such a way. His ego suffered a little bruise as a result. "Whether you choose to admit it or not, falling in love scared the living shit out of you; especially with someone who doesn't seem to make sense but yet somehow in your complicated, self-sabotaging brain is everything you want. You were so scared that Todd would hurt you, you made sure to get the first shot in and that, JD, is why I knew you would kiss me."

JD nodded in reply, feeling like a bit of an idiot. "Maybe you do know me better than I thought." Looking up at Perry, JD couldn't hold his curiosity in anymore. "So how is he?"

"The same as I am." Perry replied, letting out a self pitying chuckle. "Doing terrible without you. You know before he passed out, he asked for you."

"I thought he was doing okay. I mean, when I thought he was over me so fast…" JD could barely finish his thought. "Not that I wanted any of this to happen. God, why would he do this to himself?"

"You of all people should know how proud he is. If I was a betting man, I'd put my money on you being Todd's first real love. He probably just wanted the shit to stop for awhile. Besides, do you think the hurt person ever wants to show their sadness to the person that hurt them?" Perry managed a small smile. "You really think you're that easy to get over?"

JD managed a half-smile back. He was about to say something when Turk came over and interrupted them.

"If you want to see Todd, you can. He's not awake or anything but I figure you may want to see him." Turk realised he'd butted in. "I'll see you outside Vanilla Bear."

JD stood up from the table. "I better go."

"Yeah, I know." Perry replied, defeated.

JD reached over the table and squeezed Perry's hand. "You were wrong about one thing though Perry. I do love you."

"Please do NOT complete that sentence with 'but I'm not in love with you' because then all bets are off." Perry half snapped, just not wanting to hear anymore.

Perry didn't want to let JD know that his heart was filled with regret. He didn't want the younger man to see he was hurting. But as their eyes met, he knew JD could see right through him.

"I'll see you later, Perry."

* * *

JD stood outside the room, unsure of how long he'd been working up the courage to go in. He didn't know why it was so awkward, as he'd seen much worse in his years of being a doctor.

Turk came out of the room, looking at his best friend yet to go in. "Dude you've been standing there for nearly half an hour. The doorway's not that interesting."

"I guess going in there makes it real." JD replied softly. "How is he?"

"Well his vitals are…"

"No, not medical stuff." JD shook his head. "God why is this so hard."

Turk put an arm around JD. "You don't want to view Todd as a patient. Heck it terrifies all of us when someone we love ends up in the hospital. But he's going to be fine and I know that you're not going to let your lover wake up alone in the hospital."

"Well technically, we're not back together…"

"And you never will be if you don't get your ass in that room." Turk took JD by the arm and led him to the room. "One step at a time buddy. That's it."

JD let Turk guide him to the room, breathing deeply with every step. It felt like an eternity before he was over the threshold and staring at the man on the bed. JD paid no attention to the medical equipment, going straight for the chair Turk had put beside Todd's bed.

"I'll leave you two alone." Turk shut the door to give his friends some privacy.

JD gingerly took Todd's hand in both of his own, sandwiching it. The hand was colder than he remembered. He bent down and planted little kisses on the fingers. For a few minutes, JD remained silent and tried to remember the good times.

Finally he spoke, even though he knew Todd probably couldn't hear him. "Do you remember that day when we first kissed? You came over to cheer me up, bringing Jager and Hustler, neither of which I actually used but for some reason I kept all this time." JD ran his thumb back and forth over Todd's knuckles. "After you left, Perry and I hooked up; even though a part of me wanted to be with you so much."

JD fought the tears coming to his eyes, but once one spilled a couple of others followed. "The morning after, he beat me pretty bad. Kicks, punches the whole enchilada. Then he put me in bed, said he was sorry and left. Even though I begged him to stay, he just left. Then after he was gone all I kept thinking was, that I should have chosen you. I should have just done what you said and ignored him, been with you."

He wiped his eyes, letting out a little sad laugh at himself before continuing. "But even when I had the chance, I pushed you away. I wanted to choose you all this time, then the one time I did I go and mess it all up because my feelings for you scared me."

Letting go of Todd's hand, JD brushed a few stray hairs off Todd's forehead. He began stroking a finger up and down Todd's bare arm. "Over the years we've been friends, we've never been really close. I mean, it doesn't seem logical that you make me feel what I do. To think, all these years I had all this prejudice but now…I just want to be with you."

JD stood up and began pacing the room, eyeing Todd as he did so. He didn't know if his talking was helping and felt that he should be doing something productive. Staring up at Todd from the end of the bed, JD couldn't help but notice all the previously ignored medical equipment. He bit his lip, resting a hand on what he gathered to be Todd's foot. Even through the hospital blanket, it felt cold.

Bringing the chair to the foot of the bed, JD lifted up Todd's blanket to reveal the bare, cold tootsies. Gently he took one and began rubbing it to warm up the surgeon. For a brief moment, he allowed himself to fantasise and remember all the after work massages that came from them being a couple.

"You always gave the best back rubs." JD managed a brief smile as he rubbed Todd's other foot tenderly. "I guess you really are famous for them."

The door opened and Turk once again joined the two. He watched his best friend massage Todd's feet, hoping that it was the first step in making them both happy again.

"You know to call me if you need anything, okay." Turk said, stepping over to JD and touching his shoulder. "It appears that you're taking good care of him though. Todd will be better than fine when he wakes up."

"I hope so, even though his throat will hurt like a bitch from the stomach pumping."

Turk turned JD to face him, holding out something. "Here, just in case you get a little cold."

JD grabbed the jacket from his best friend. "I think Todd's the cold one here." As he felt the material and caught a slight whiff of the cologne that lingered on the material, JD realised. "This is Todd's jacket."

"Yeah, I thought you might want it. It was in his locker. I take it you'll be staying here."

"Thanks C-Bear." JD managed a weak smile of gratitude for his friend.

"Don't mention it, buddy. Take care of yourself, okay." Turk went to make his exit.

"See you later." JD waved to Turk as the door shut again.

He kept holding the jacket, inspecting it. A part of him wanted to slip it on, but as he looked up at Todd, JD wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do. However, the memories and the scent were enough to tempt in into wearing it.

JD slipped it on, feeling instantly warmer as he did so. His only wish was that he could do the same thing for Todd. Feeling a little bump in the pocket, JD reached in to inspect what it was. He pulled out a tube of lubricant and couldn't help but laugh in his sadness.

"You really weren't kidding about your just in case supplies were you?" JD sniffled a little, putting the tube back in the pocket, though feeling something else in there. He reached in the other pocket to confirm his suspicions.

"Mmmm cashmere." JD said, pulling out the gloves in the pocket. Unable to resist, he began slipping them on. "I remember how good rubs felt with these babies on."

The gloves felt a little big, but JD wanted them on anyway. His curiosity peaked when he felt a piece of crumpled card in one of them. Pulling it out, he unfolded it to see what it was.

Within seconds, JD was staring at a picture of himself. It was the picture Todd had put up on The Todd Time website of him sleeping. JD had been a little annoyed when Todd posted it up, but the sweet caption below it melted his heart.

_JD dreaming of The Todd, looking cute when he sleeps. Reminding The Todd of how lucky he is._

Walking over to the head of the bed, JD glanced down at Todd's face. He planted a slow and soft kiss on Todd's forehead. "I was the lucky one."

* * *

**NOTE: **Awww quite an angsty chapter, with a little side of fluffy. I still love writing this and I'm glad many enjoy reading it, even if the outcome differs from your particular wishes. The next chapter will be up soon, trying to make it really beautiful. Thanks for reading/reviewing.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

After a few hours of sitting, pacing and comforting JD was about ready to fall asleep with exhaustion. JD's hand was holding Todd's lightly, with his head just resting on Todd's arm and his eyes beginning to slowly close.

To a stranger, it almost looked like they hadn't broken up at all. The way JD looked at Todd with such care while caressing his hand. Even the atmosphere made it seem like Todd could hear everything the man he still loved was saying. In the sadness, there was a sense of love in the air.

Turk came in to check on both his friends first thing that morning, having been worrying for hours. The noise of the door opening roused JD from potential slumber immediately.

"Just resting my eyes." JD stated, snapping upright.

"How's he doing?" Turk asked, glancing at the medical machines to get some idea.

"I don't know." JD rubbed his eyes in an attempt to prevent tiredness. "They've been checking up on him a lot and there have been no complaints. I guess that's a good sign."

"So you still refuse to check it out for yourself." Turk handed JD a paper bag and cup of coffee. "Brought you something to eat because something tells me you haven't left this room. Am I right?"

JD sipped the coffee and opened up the bag and inspected the bagel with a sigh, only at that moment realising how hungry he was. "Where else am I going to go?" He took a bite of his breakfast gratefully.

"You know you should probably leave this room. Take a walk or something, get some air. What are the odds that Todd is going to wake up in the five minutes that you take a break?"

JD put his hands in the pockets of Todd's jacket which he still wore. "I've screwed up enough times. I'm not going to leave him unless he wakes up and tells me to. Besides, I'm totally fine."

The door opened behind Turk and Doug slowly stepped into the room, interrupting the two and looking concerned for his former Brain Trust companion.

The pathologist turned to JD with worry. "How's he doing?"

The last thing JD wanted was someone so associated with death near the one he loved. In his sleep deprived state, he snapped. "How do you think he's doing? If you want to help, get the hell out of this room!"

Doug was stunned at the reaction he received. "JD, relax you have to chill."

JD was tempted to wring the pathologist's neck. He could only imagine what Doug's mere presence could do to Todd. "You want to help? Bring me another blanket for Todd then! Go on!"

"What the hell?" Turk blinked in confusion, staring at his suddenly maddened best friend.

Afraid of what JD would do to him, Doug nervously departed in search of another blanket. A few moments later he came back to the room with a blanket, holding it out to JD with a somewhat shaky hand.

JD snatched the blanket, his eyes wide and now fully awake. "Away Doug, now. Don't come near this room until Todd is no longer in it."

As soon as Doug left with his hands up in an almost surrendering way, Turk felt the need to speak up. He took JD's arm, pulling him up from the chair.

"Okay, I think it's time you took a little walk and maybe had a proper breakfast. Not to mention a decent sleep." Turk put a compassionate arm around JD.

"I don't like Doug around the room. People die around him." JD explained, unfolding the blanket and placing it over Todd, smoothing it out evenly. "The last thing Todd needs is bad morgue vibes floating around."

"How about if I stay here with Todd for awhile. That way if he just happens to wake up in the time it takes for you to get some air and take a dookie he's got someone here with him." Turk suggested, desperate to get JD doing something other than waiting and despairing.

JD knew that Turk was just trying to help, but didn't really appreciate it. He was adamant about his decision, so any attempt to break that annoyed him greatly. Running on virtually no sleep did nothing to help matters.

"Turk how would you feel if this was Carla. You know you wouldn't move from this room." JD explained, turning his attention back to Todd.

"Did you just compare me and my wife to you and Todd's man love?" Turk seemed a little offended by the notion, but in turn he understood what JD was feeling.

Carla entered the room, checking on Todd's stats. "What the heck happened with Doug? The way he ran out of here I thought someone died."

"Aha! See Turk even Carla agrees with me!"

Her motherly instinct in auto-mode, Carla walked over to JD, squeezing his shoulder. "I think the last thing Todd needs is to see you looking like this." She hugged him from behind as an offer of reassurance. "Todd's fine. He's basically just sleeping it off now. He's not going to die just because Doug visits his room."

"Oxygen and IV does not equal fine, Carla." JD grabbed Todd's hand again. "I just want him to wake up."

"We're just keeping him hydrated and on oxygen to speed up recovery that's all. You should know all that, you've done this a million times before."

"I know. Just never thought I'd be doing it for someone I loved this much." JD pulled Todd's jacket tighter around him. "Why the fuck did he have to go and do this to himself!? Tell me Carla, why didn't he tell me he was this bad? He helped me, I would have helped him."

Carla sighed, unable to stop from telling the truth. "You really did a number on his trust JD."

"Fine! Rub it in." JD cried out in anger.

Turk stepped in to defend his wife, yet still remained calm. "Don't blame it on her, come on now."

"Sorry." JD replied, before taking a few deep breaths and calming down. "When Todd wakes up I'll treat him better than anyone ever has."

"I know you will V-Bear." Turk patted his back. "He'll appreciate that."

JD leaned over and placed a long kiss on Todd's forehead. There was a little bit of space where JD figured he could squeeze into the bed, but he knew that probably wasn't the best idea. Instead he settled for resting his head lightly on Todd's arm again.

"Aww Bambi, you've got it bad." Carla smiled before continuing to voice her concern for her friend. "I'll be back in a little later. Do you want water or anything?"

"No, but thanks guys." JD replied, watching the couple leave the room.

Just as he had done the whole time he'd been there, JD continued watching Todd. He hoped the sound of his voice would wake the surgeon up faster.

"Please wake up." JD whispered, squeezing Todd's hand while trying not to fall asleep.

The moment he felt his eyes start closing, he would force them open again. He wasn't going to miss it when Todd finally woke up nor was he going to let Doug's bad luck get near the room again. JD needed to protect Todd from negative vibes and incompetent interns, making sure he got the best care Sacred Heart had to offer.

"Everything's going to be okay. J-Dizzle is right here for you. Always." JD told his unconscious companion tiredly. "I'm not going to fall asleep."

His eyes closed involuntarily, so JD agreed to rest for a little bit. "I'm not asleep. I'm just resting my eyes Angel Cat. I'm right here for you."

* * *

Todd shuffled a little, wondering what was going on. He could hear people around him and the surface he was sleeping on clearly wasn't his bed. There was a slight brushing on his arm. Opening his eyes a crack, he shut them immediately as brightness assaulted them. For some reason his throat was hurting and he felt a little groggy. It was more than enough to scare him a little.

Todd blinked to adjust his sight, taking in his surroundings. It didn't take him long to realise he was in the hospital. He tried to remember what happened, only remembering brief flashes of a bar and Doctor Cox.

Looking to find the source of warmth on his arm, he came to face a crop of messy dark brown hair. Sitting up a little to get a better view, Todd realised that JD was sleeping by his bedside. The medical doctor lightly hugged his arm, almost protectively.

JD shifted slightly, letting out a little grumble. Todd turned to him, wondering if he was awake. Still sleeping, JD merely tightened his grip on Todd's arm.

Confusion filled Todd and he wondered what had led him to this predicament. The surgeon didn't know exactly how to feel about this. Part of him was still a little hurt by JD but Todd couldn't deny that his companion did look cute. He had missed waking up beside the man he loved.

Letting JD continue resting, Todd used his free hand to brush a few strands off JD's face. The gentle stroking coaxed an unconscious shivering throughout JD's body and a pleasurable little breath escaped his lips.

"Todd. Todd. Todd." A sleeping JD whispered.

Todd managed to catch the scent of JD's hair. He was glad to have it fill him once again. His fingers continued combing softly through JD's locks, obliterating all negative thoughts. Every now and then a soft moan or slight quiver came from the medical doctor, reaffirming just how much Todd missed and loved the man.

"So I see you're awake then."

Todd looked away from JD to the source of interruption, seeing Perry standing in the doorway. The older man shut the door, making sure they had some sort of privacy. Todd took this as a sign to become a little paranoid, backing away slightly while also leaning protectively towards JD.

"Relax Sluggo. If I wanted to hurt you I would have left you behind. If anything you should be thanking me." Perry stated, standing at the foot of the bed trying hard not to glare angrily.

"What happened?" Todd asked, figuring that Perry seemed to have a few answers.

"Well let's see. You were depressed over JD, even though he loves you enough to sit by your bed for hours. You went to a bar and drank so much that chances are when you pissed yourself in the ambulance it probably came out beer flavoured." Perry glanced at JD briefly before turning back to Todd. "Oh yes you threw up, passed out, potentially killed yourself but thanks to me stayed alive and ended up here where the person you told me that you loved sat by you pretty much the whole time. God knows why when your actions last night were nothing short of shameful."

Todd felt the corners of his mouth curve up slightly at knowing JD had stayed with him. "The Todd thanks you for your help but..." Still he had reason to be skeptical. "What about you two?" He motioned between JD and Perry.

"Todd you can't really be that thick can you?" Perry sighed, turning into absolute serious mode. "If JD wanted me, believe me I wouldn't throw it away like you're doing now. I'd take him in my arms and do everything not to make the stupid mistakes I know I did. But, while JD deserves a hell of a lot better than the crap you've been pulling, he had a choice to make and as fateful screw up would have it, he chose you this time. So trust me, you don't have to worry about me any more."

Todd stared at JD, feeling a little guilty. It was only then he realised that JD was wearing his jacket. His hand moved to the spot between JD's shoulder blades, resting there in a gesture of comfort and gratitude.

"Hey, up here." Perry whistled and brought Todd's attention back to him. "Treat him right, you hear me."

Todd nodded in reply, knowing that he would. "You can count on The Todd."

"If you blow it, which with your brain capacity is a very good chance, you'll regret it. I'll tell you now. No-one will care about you as much as he does. And as much as it pains me to say it, he really does care about you." Perry noticed JD stirring, gulping back a lump in his throat. He figured he should apologise for screwing things up, more to JD than anything. "I know I…I'm…well, I'm sure you know what I mean."

Perry left the room, feeling Todd's puzzled look follow him briefly. Once he was far enough away from the room, Perry picked up his cell phone. He scrolled through the numbers, all the way down to the J's.

He looked at JD's number briefly, saying a silent goodbye before skipping down to Jordan. Taking a deep breath Perry finally worked up the courage to call the number.

* * *

JD could feel something tickling the back of his neck. The gentle pressure felt really nice, making him tingle all over. He found himself backing into the fingers, wanting to feel more.

It was then he remembered exactly where he was. JD realised that he must have fallen asleep. He opened his eyes, still feeling the light stroking which meant it wasn't a dream. Swiftly he sat up and turned around, hoping his suspicions were correct.

A wide, contagious smile appeared on JD's face the moment his eyes met Todd's. He almost had to pinch himself to make sure it was true. "You're awake."

"The Todd was enjoying watching you sleep." Todd smiled back, unable to resist. "Felt just like old times."

"Oh really?" JD looked at his hand, still in Todd's, feeling the confidence to give the surgeon a comforting squeeze. "How are you feeling?"

"Better now." Todd let go of JD's hand, running it up the doctor's arm and onto his shoulder. "How are you doing?"

JD looked deep into Todd's eyes, positively beaming. "Better now."

Without even thinking, JD hopped onto the bed and squeezed in the little space on offer. Before Todd could even register what was going on, JD embraced him. Todd shuffled slightly to give JD more room, managing to return the hug.

"I'm so glad you're awake." JD pulled back from the cuddle, meeting Todd's face again. He was about to go in for a kiss, but then he stopped himself. A few seconds of hesitation saw JD really wanting to close those extra inches and seize Todd's lips.

Instead he veered off to the side and brushed his lips against Todd's cheek. "Friends still get a little cheek action every now and again, right?"

"Absolutely." Todd replied, feeling a slight pang of regret.

"I guess I should probably get out of your bed." JD sat up, figuring that he shouldn't push the boundaries too far, especially when Todd was not a hundred percent.

Todd caught JD's arm, pulling him back down. "You're not going anywhere. Besides from what I hear, you've been hanging around for hours."

JD felt a little blush appear on his cheeks. "I didn't want you waking up alone."

"Or maybe you're still sweet on me." Todd joked in the kind of way that hid what he really hoped.

JD dipped his head down, trying to hide his face. It was a little embarrassing since the joke was basically the truth. However, Todd would have none of it. The surgeon brought JD's face back up again.

"You're cute when you blush."

"You know I've been sitting here doing a lot of thinking about you. Well, about us really." JD confessed, smiling at the compliment at knowing it was making him blush a little more.

Todd slid his hand onto JD's cheek, running his thumb lightly over the soft pink lips. "Have you now?"

JD nestled into the small bed space comfortably, secretly loving being so close to Todd. He figured he should enjoy it while it lasted. "It's funny. I've been sitting here thinking about the pros and cons list I made, realising how stupid it was. How can I criticise you for having dumb moments, when I did the most stupid thing in letting you go?"

Todd inched his face even closer, so their two foreheads were touching. "That was pretty harsh."

JD worked up the courage to continue what he knew had to be said. "I planned all these speeches for when you woke up; listed all the reasons that we should get back together. Figured out full proof ways you could forgive me. But it doesn't really matter because in the end I just want you to be happy. Whether or not it's with me."

"I'll have to think about it." Todd replied. "The Todd wants you to be happy too."

"I just want you to know I'm sorry, again. I know I've said it, like, a million times, but I really want to make things up to you. That is, if you let me. Because Todd…" JD's heart was beating a mile a minute with the excitement of finally saying the words, even if the hope behind them was little. "I love you…I really love you."

Todd was stunned for a moment. He didn't know what to say in response. As a result an awkward silence passed through the air.

JD let out a little chuckle, trying to pretend that everything was alright. "Look, I didn't mean to weird you out. I just had to say it." He sat up, preparing to leave as it seemed his answer wasn't what he wanted. Even though he wasn't expecting Todd to say the words back, JD couldn't deal with the silence. "I guess I better go now."

The mere thought of JD leaving caused Todd to reach out. He grabbed JD's arm and pulled the other man back down beside him. Given the inch, JD couldn't stop himself from taking the mile. He closed the gap and captured Todd's lips in his own. Their lips shared a soft, light kiss; gentle and loving, wanting to go further yet a little afraid about moving too fast.

It took a lot to break such a sweet kiss, but JD felt he had to explain. "I've missed that." He stated simply. "I've missed you."

"Twine your fingers with mine five." Todd grinned and held up his hand, waiting for JD.

JD laughed slightly at Todd's high five quirk, but agreed to the action nonetheless. He slapped the hand and the palms pressed together, allowing the two sets of fingers to slowly intertwine.

"The Todd loves you too." Todd trailed a line of kisses down JD's nose, finally meeting the lips once more. "I love you, JD."

With the words, the two men smiled widely. JD stroked Todd's face and soon was sharing another kiss with the surgeon. This time, mouths opened to invite each other in. They explored each other, remembering feelings and tastes that had been greatly missed. The hospital bed had them pressed close together, but they both wanted to get even closer.

"So I guess this means..." JD played with the fingers linked with his own, giggling slightly as Todd responded. "I don't know, are we? Back together, that is?"

"Come on. You know it sucks without you around." Todd motioned to the hospital room that the two almost forgot they were in.

"We'll have some stuff to work out though I suppose." JD snuggled up closer to his source of love and comfort. "Just promise me you'll never scare me like this again."

"If you promise me you won't kiss any other lips but The Todd's." Todd touched JD's cheek, fingering his earlobe.

JD let out a soft laugh. "That's a given." His eyes began falling on him again. Soon he was pressed up against Todd, eyes closed and simply taking it all in.

"You okay?"

"Just sleepy. But I'm happy." JD replied, kissing Todd's hand. "So, so happy."

"Go to sleep." Todd moved one of the blankets so it covered JD, providing him with warmth. "I need you to be awake if we're going to fool around in this bed."

JD playfully nipped one of Todd's fingers. "No nookie until you're all better. I don't want you getting all tired out and sick."

"The Todd has lots of stamina." Todd watched JD begin to drift off into a nice peaceful sleep, glad the experience was his again. He couldn't help but to once again declare his love to the adorable sometimes crazy doctor. "I love you, JD."

"Love you too."

As JD travelled deeper into dream land, cuddling his rekindled lover as close as possible, Todd continued to watch him. It was through this staring that the surgeon formulated an idea; he knew what he had to do. But first, he had to get out of the hospital.

* * *

Hope you enjoyed the newest instalment. So cute, now that Todd and JD are back together even with all the kinks they have to work through. But what exactely has Todd got planned for the reunion? Find out soon. Thanks for the support, love you!


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

JD felt a gentle nudge at his side. He figured that it was just Todd pulling him closer and ignored the instinct to wake. His eyes still closed, continuing to snooze in his half waken state, JD fantasised about all the possibilities of what could be.

"JD, wake up. We really need the bed."

He opened his eyes gradually to find Carla standing over him, trying to ease him out of the hospital bed. JD turned to his side, expecting to see Todd, only to find he was alone.

"Todd?"

He looked around the small room figuring that maybe Todd just wasn't in the bed but finding only him and Carla. For a minute, confusion filled JD before he turned to the Latina nurse for answers.

"Sorry to wake you Bambi but we need the bed." Carla ushered JD off the bed, leading him out of the room so the housekeeping staff could fix it up.

"I don't understand." As he was led out into the hallway, JD rubbed his eyes, wondering how long he'd been asleep for. "Is Todd in the bathroom or something? I guess I should wait for him."

The question was directed at Carla, but Turk who was standing nearby answered. "He wanted out, so he left a few hours ago. Insisted that we not disturb you."

JD couldn't help but feel simultaneously hurt and worried. "Why did he leave? Why didn't he tell me? Was he okay when he left?"

"He was okay. Fit enough to get out of here anyway." Turk shrugged. "But I guess he didn't want to wake you."

JD could spot immediately that Turk knew something he didn't. Something in the posture and the eyes gave the surgeon away. A part of him was scared to know exactly what that thing was, but he had to ask.

"Why did he really leave?"

"Look he mentioned something about you and said that he had to get out of here." Turk replied somewhat honestly. "By the way what's going on with you two?"

"I don't know, I thought we were back together. I mean, we are together." A frustrated JD ran his fingers through his hair. "I told him I loved him. He said he felt the same."

"See I knew you two would work things out." Turk smiled in order to show support. He knew it would make both his friends happy. "That's what I'm talkin' about." He fist bumped JD, who returned the gesture very weakly.

"What if he regrets it? What if he woke up and figured that he couldn't trust me?" JD's eyes became wide with paranoia. "I have to go talk to him."

Turk stopped his friend briefly. "First of all JD, breathe. What makes you think he regrets it? Come on now. He probably just didn't want to wake you." He began leading his friend towards the exit, calming JD down before the inevitable rush to Todd's place. "Now the last thing you need to be doing is charging into his place all paranoid and accusing, am I right?"

JD nodded in reply. "Yeah, you're right. I just don't want to lose him again, you know?" He didn't know why, but he felt a little bit more confident. "If I love him this much I can at least give him the benefit of the doubt."

"There you go." Turk walked JD to the parking lot.

"Was it this scary when you realised just how in love you were with Carla?" JD felt the need to ask as his heart began to speed up.

"It still scares me sometimes. But it helps me do all I can to keep that woman around." Turk patted JD on the back. "I have a feeling that you and Todd are going to be okay."

"I really do love him." JD whispered, more in realisation of just how much rather than as a reply to his best friend.

"Just tell me when you get all loved up again, that the public displays are kept out of my view." Turk replied, half joking but still stern enough to be serious.

JD grinned, having cheered up a little. "I can't make any promises on that front." He ran to his car, now eager to get to Todd's place. "See you C-Bear!"

The surgeon continued waving to his best friend until the car left the parking lot. Once Turk was sure JD was out of sight, he picked up his cell phone and dialled Todd's number.

"Dude…yeah he's on his way to your house right now Big-Dog."

* * *

As he drove along, the young doctor felt confident about the situation. Things couldn't possibly turn for the worst that fast; talking with Turk had reassured him of that.

However, being alone with his thoughts for too long began to innerve JD. All the possibilities, no matter how ludicrous, came to his mind. No matter how much he tried to convince himself of the positive, the possibility of something bad happening hung around.

By the time he reached Todd's apartment building, JD was quite nervous about talking to the man he loved. Looking at the empty seat beside him alerted him to the fact that he had not brought anything remotely resembling a gift.

"Maybe I could make him some pancakes." JD figured as he stared out at the building in front of him.

Finally he managed to get himself moving. Slowly but surely he made his way towards Todd's apartment. Eventually, yet too quickly, he found himself staring at the door. Every time he went to knock, JD would take a few more seconds to mentally prepare himself.

"Okay J-Dizzle. You have to do this." JD knocked on the door, anticipating a reply.

A few moments later, with no response, left JD in a somewhat more anxious state. He tried the door handle, to find that it wasn't locked. Figuring that maybe something happened to Todd, JD made his way in.

"Todd, what's going on? They said you…"

JD couldn't complete his sentence as he looked around Todd's apartment. A few candles were lit and a bunch of roses were sitting on the table. There was a faint scent in the air, which JD recognised immediately as incense. The apartment was looking ready for romance.

Just as he was absorbing all around him, Todd appeared beside JD wearing his red robe and sporting a smile just for him. Without words the surgeon brought the medical doctor into a cuddle. It took a moment for JD to shake off the surprise and finally return and deepen the hug. The smell of incense was soon replaced by the amazing scent of a recently showered Todd.

"What's this all about?" JD pulled back from the hug slightly so he could look Todd in the eyes. "Do you have a hot date tonight or something?"

Todd captured JD's lips gently, kissing him three times in quick succession. "Hopefully, if you're up for it." His hands moved down JD's back, coming to a rest at the waist.

"Why did you do all this?" JD buried his head in Todd's shoulder, feeling a little embarrassed at his anxiety.

Mistaking this action for something bad, Todd stroked JD's head. "I thought you would like it. You always said incense made the room smell like Chinese rain." He reached over and grabbed the roses from the table. "Plus The Todd got you flowers."

JD giggled, smelling the roses appreciatively before setting them aside. "It's not that I don't like it." He playfully messed Todd's hair, enjoying the feel of the silky strands running through his fingers. "I love it. I just thought when you were gone…I guess if anyone should be giving the huge romantic gestures, it should be me."

Todd hushed JD with a forehead kiss. "Dude, you sat with me for hours. You've proven yourself."

JD felt reassured with the kiss, but felt the need to explain. He took both of Todd's hands in his. "I just never thought I'd feel this way again so soon after I'd been burned. But then you were there. You really came through for me, after all these years of underestimation."

"I've always been intrigued by you." Todd confessed. "So smart and cute."

Smiling at the compliment and sliding his arms around Todd's shoulders, JD continued. "I'm going to do everything I can to keep you around. I don't want to be without you now that I have you again."

A quick peck on the lips and Todd replied. "The Todd isn't going anywhere. Though I did try and make you jealous so now I have to make it up to you."

"I can deal with that."

JD led Todd over to the couch, pulling the surgeon onto his lap. At first Todd felt a little heavy, but somehow JD didn't care. As Todd snuggled up against him, a new strength filled him.

"I love you." JD whispered, pulling Todd's face to his in a passionate kiss.

The kiss soon intensified. Both men held each other very close and tight. Body temperatures were rising and as a result, clothing was begging to be removed. JD opened Todd's robe and trailed kisses down and across his chest before moving back up to capture his lips again. As Todd's hands wandered up and down his back, he somehow just knew that Todd was always going to be there. With his kisses and touch, JD hoped he was telling Todd the same thing.

"Let's take this to the bedroom." Todd wiggled his eyebrows suggestively as his fingers traced JD's face.

JD saw the activity leading to this point and as much as he wanted to push things towards the bed, his concern for Todd over-ruled his libido. His fingers twined with those he loved and his eyes filled with concern.

"You know I want this more than anything and as much as my penis hates me right now, I just want to know that you're okay." JD sat up, bringing Todd into a sitting position with him. "You were just in the hospital."

Todd stood up, hands on hips. "You know you look sexy when you're concerned about The Todd's welfare."

JD couldn't help but feel flattered and as a result he blushed slightly, though he tried to remain serious. "Come on. Maybe we can just hold each other or something. We have plenty of sex time when you're fighting fit and healthy. How about we just watch some TV, or listen to music, maybe talk or something?"

"I love you and we're doing it." Todd told JD sternly, with that cheeky twinkle in his eyes. "Now get your cute ass to my bed."

"What if I refuse?" JD teased. He knew perfectly well he'd end up making love with the stubborn Todd, but it was always fun to see the effort by the surgeon.

Todd leaned over and scooped up JD with ease. He carried a laughing JD towards the bedroom. With ease they both slid onto the bed, resuming the make-out session that had started on the couch, intensifying every kiss.

Todd slid JD's t-shirt over his head, leaving their midsections to press and rub together. His robe slipped off his shoulders with ease as they continued, leaving him bare. How the couple had missed the feeling, doing what they could to savour it as their lips continued to express deep emotion.

"Wait." JD stopped Todd as the naked surgeon started trailing south towards his pants.

"I told you to stop worrying." Todd playfully tickled JD's waist in order to get him to lighten up and play. "You're way to tense."

JD managed to squirm away from the scribbling fingers, laughing as he did so. "No, it's just that I have a better idea."

Todd grabbed both of JD's arms. "Oh no, you're not getting away."

"I promise you'll love it my muscular Angel Cat who smells all manly." JD slid off the bed, despite Todd's clear protests, and exited the room with a flirtatious wink.

Todd sighed, frustrated and up for it. He lay back on the bed and watched the door, figuring to give his lover a chance. Patiently he continued to wait for JD, wondering what his boyfriend could possibly have in store.

Just as Todd was getting antsy enough to jump off the bed and drag his lover back to bed, JD reappeared. The medical doctor was wearing nothing but a light blue banana hammock. One of the red roses was being held in his teeth. Though he felt a little silly and awkward, JD knew how much it would mean to Todd. For his boyfriend's benefit, JD struck a few sexy poses; taking the rose in his hand and beckoning Todd towards him.

A wide-eyed Todd stood up from the bed, walking around JD to admire him from all angles. His eyes trailed over the soft and tasty skin and admired the way the speedo managed to accentuate JD's nether regions. With one fingertip, Todd trailed around the waist of JD's banana hammock to tease him. Once he hit the sensitive spot on JD's hip, he allowed his finger to simply circle the area.

"Ooo that feels really good." JD shivered, feeling a little weak at the knees. "Do you like it?"

Todd moved closer and whispered his reply seductively into JD's ear. "So hot."

JD locked Todd's eyes, easing him back towards the bed. Once reaching it, JD pushed Todd back and licked his lips. He stood over his boyfriend with a cheeky smile. JD leaned over and tenderly lapped at Todd's knees. Enjoying the pleasurable encouragement, the medical doctor flecked his tongue upwards to taste Todd's inner thighs. He could feel Todd shaking and his breathing quicken.

Just as he was getting very close to Todd's long erect member, JD moved to straddle Todd's legs and pinned him to the mattress. Rose still in hand, JD used it to lightly brush a trail down Todd's body then back up to the nipples. JD circled them with the flower, teasing Todd's skin with the petal light touches. Suddenly, he threw the flower aside and dived in to mouth Todd's neck, coaxing a moan from the surgeon.

"Since you did all this for me, the least I can do is make this all about you." JD sat up once again, letting his hands roam all over Todd's body. "I mean, that jealousy plan of yours really worked on me. The thought of anyone getting their hands on you…I'll mess them up JD style." It was just as he remembered; every curve, muscle and sweet spot on Todd's body was in place, only a little more muscular than before.

"Maybe I should make you jealous more often."

"You better not, or I'll have to tie you up." JD growled, playfully tweaking a nipple for that kind of comment. "You've been working out extra hard haven't you? I have to say I like it."

"I'll tell you about something that's extra hard." Todd winked at JD, pulling him right on top of him. "I love you when you're all kinky. The scarves are in the bottom drawer if you want to tie The Todd up."

JD contemplated it briefly, but as he felt Todd's finger tease his crack and slide down to stroke his hole he decided against it. "Maybe later. For now I want you to touch me all over."

The couple was unable to resist surrendering to another kiss. A romantic, yet hungry and horny kiss which saw the two men tonguing desperately at the taste of the other. As a result, neither could hold back any longer. They had to become one again, fully rekindle all they had together.

JD trailed off the kiss with a couple of teasing, light pecks. His eyes were filled with a combination of passionate love and cheeky lust as he took in all the features of Todd's face.

"Let me show you just how much I love you."

* * *

The next morning saw the two cuddling extra close in bed. The silence was comfortable, the bed was warm and everything was just too perfect. Neither of the doctors wanted to get up for work, but both knew that they had to.

"We'll be on time, just five more minutes." Todd held JD possessively close, burying his face in JD's neck.

"No more neck nuzzlies, we have to get up. We already have to miss breakfast." Even though he said it, JD made no attempt to move. He could feel Todd sucking on his neck lightly before a little nip. "Wait a minute, are you giving me another hickey?"

Todd admired the love bite on JD's neck. "You gave The Todd a few last night."

JD briefly glanced at his own handy work. "Wow, I really get feisty when I'm on top."

"Yeah you do." Todd wrestled JD when the medical doctor attempted to move.

JD wanted nothing more than just to go with it and stay in bed with Todd all day, but looking at the clock alerted him to their situation. "We're going to be late."

"You're not going anywhere." Todd trailed a line of kisses up JD's spine, a move he knew to be pretty much full-proof in the past.

It tempted JD as the tingles danced up his back, like only Todd could cause, but he was too stubborn to give in. "The sooner we get our shifts over with, the sooner we can get back home and do this again. Plus I want to show you off all over again."

With that statement, the two doctors got out of bed and within minutes the two were ready to go. They walked to JD's car holding hands, appreciating the simplicity of being back together. Though JD did seem a little worried about getting to work on time as they started off in the car.

"Why do you keep looking at the clock?" Todd asked as JD kept glancing at the numbers while driving.

"No reason." JD replied bluntly. Once he worked out he had enough time, he calmed down. Reaching over, he squeezed Todd's hand. "Just making sure I don't miss that radiology lecture this morning."

"Okay." Todd dismissed the thought, sneaking his hand on JD's knee.

Once in the Sacred Heart car park, JD let out a sigh of relief. He tried to play it cool as Todd seemed suspicious of his behaviour. JD simply got out of the car and resumed walking hand in hand with Todd towards the entrance.

"Since we're pretty much late anyway, how about we sit down on that bench for a little while." JD suggested, leading Todd to the bench in front of the building. He sat down with his boyfriend, leaning on his shoulder. "Isn't this just nice, like this? Sitting on the bench, together while a whole bunch of doctors and nurses are no doubt watching us from the windows."

"Well why don't we give them something to watch?" Todd cupped JD's face and seized the lips, giving anyone who observed the couple a sensual kissing display.

"You smell like yummy." JD muttered, wrapping his arms around Todd once again. He was sure he heard the faint sound of girlish squealing and gushing from the building.

As though to ruin the romantic moment, Janitor came over and stood in front of the couple. His face wore a look of triumph, though neither JD nor Todd knew exactly why. JD preyed the custodial worker wasn't there to cause more trouble and as a result found himself clutching tighter to Todd. Though to his surprise, Janitor motioned to the couple and clapped.

"Aren't you going to thank me?" Janitor asked as he observed the puzzled couple staring back at him.

"Thank you for what?" JD replied, half angry half confused. Still he wasn't going to let his nemesis ruin a good day.

Janitor scoffed as though the answer was obvious. "For getting you two closer together. Look at you guys, all in love and stuff."

JD's eyes narrowed and he snapped. "You were basically the reason we broke up!"

"And as a result of that break-up, you're closer than ever. Am I right?" Janitor looked to Todd for support.

"He does kind of have a point." Todd admitted before kissing JD's forehead and trailing his hand over JD's thigh.

"No Todd, I can see my work is not appreciated here." Janitor began to frown as he pulled something from his pocket. He fiddled with the small yellow object in his hands. "Don't leave your crap on my floors again."

He threw the small object in his hand towards JD. Todd managed to catch it, not quite sure what the meaning behind the gesture was, but gave Janitor a nod of thanks anyway.

JD recognised the yellow golf ball immediately, wondering briefly how Janitor got his hands on it after he ditched it in Coffeebucks. He dismissed that thought and considered it a sign from fate that everything was going to be alright. He took the golf ball from Todd and smiled widely before putting it in his back pack.

"I love you." JD said as he glanced behind Todd to see that his own little surprise had arrived. "And you shouldn't have to go back to work today."

"JD I think they've already seen us. We can't just go back home now." Todd said, mulling it over for a moment. "Or can we?"

"We're not going to work and we're not going home either." JD hailed over the limo that had just entered the Sacred Heart parking lot.

"The Todd's intrigued." Todd, one hand on JD's waist and the other on his hip, stared at the limousine in awe.

JD pulled Todd to him and looked deep into the cheeky chocolate eyes. "Do you remember when I told you that I had a full-proof plan for you to forgive me?"

"You know I already forgave you."

"I know, but I think a big gesture is in order." JD explained, nodding towards the limo driver and hugging Todd. "I can be crazy sometimes and you deserve something for putting up with that. Besides, Todd you just give me this kind of go-with-the-flow strength and I want to keep that around."

As the hug continued, making sure it was a good ten second hug, JD noticed Jordan with Jennifer Dylan walking towards the entrance of the hospital. She didn't look at him nor did he feel the need to acknowledge her, choosing to shut his eyes and absorb the scent, touch and sounds of his boyfriend instead. Whatever happened with Perry was not his concern anymore. His only concern was the man in his arms, who he loved. He truly did forget the world while being with Todd.

"I love you so much. I just want to have a few days to reconnect. Just us." JD whispered, cupping Todd's face. "A couple of days by the beach, in a nice hotel with room service. You're not the only one who can make plans while your lover is sleeping."

"I love you." Todd softly replied back, but then a thought occurred to him. "What about clothes and stuff?"

JD smiled back cheekily. "Let's just say everything we need is in my backpack."

"Awesome." Todd turned his attention to the limo, where the driver waited beside the open door. He led JD over by the hand and practically tackled him into the vehicle.

"JD." Todd nibbled his lover's ear playfully.

Todd noticed the moment he said his lover name, the look on JD's face and twinkling eyes that came with a fantasy moment. He waited a moment for JD to snap out of it.

JD came back to the moment and cuddled up to Todd on the back seat. "Mmm Todd."

He smiled as he looked into Todd's eyes. JD remembered the funny, fun and interesting times of their friendship. Their loving yet bumpy past when feelings surfaced and blazed. All the moments that he'd felt himself grow beside Todd. A potential and probable future tempted him, showing him what likely would become of the couple.

"What were you thinking about?" Todd asked as the limousine started moving.

Ultimately, it was simply being with someone that understood him and loved him quirks and all and allowing him to return such strong affections that was the real dream. Being with Todd in that moment, driving in a limousine for a romantic getaway was the real fantasy.

"This. Just this."

**THE END**

* * *

**NOTE:** Well after all this time it's finished with a nice, lovey ending. I've loved working on this, so it's cool yet kinda sad that it's over LOL. I was going to split this end part into two chaps but I figured that this wraps it up nicely with JDodd in love and stronger for what they've been through. Thanks for reading/reviewing/alerting/favouring this story throughout the months. It was much appreciated and very encouraging. Who knows what I'll write next. In the meantime, Enjoy! :-D


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